Too Soon
by never-give-up-hope2
Summary: Prim has a husband and the most wonderful family. But when something threatens her perfect world, Prim has to make a choice, a choice nobody should ever have to make. (Please read, Review and ENJOY!) hungergamesfan100
1. Chapter 1

_This is the start of Prim's story- just a few facts:_

_. Prim, Finnick and Cinna are still alive - loved them too much_

_. It takes place 7 years after mocking jay_

_.it's in Prim's point of view- always _

_And I don't own any of the material, all of it is owned by Suzanne Collins the AMAZING author._

_That's it so I hope you guys enjoy it _

**CHAPTER ONE - IN LOVE~ **

My alarm clock goes off and I shut it of by giving it a quick thump. I roll over and stare at my husband's face, it looks beautiful in sleep, less serious and more perfect but then again- it always looks perfect to me. I give it a quick kiss before getting out of bed, it's my turn to work at the hospital with Mother today which means getting up and five-thirty am because the shift starts at half six, I can't complain though because I absolutely love my job and there is worse things in the world than getting up and half-five.

I pull on my bath-robe and suddenly feel a wave of nausea come over me and only have time to make it to the bathroom before I am violently sick in the toilet. It's lucky we have an en-suite.

"Prim, is that you?" says Rory. He comes into the bathroom just as another wave of sickness comes over me. I don't answer his question- he can obviously see it's me.

He kneels down beside me and puts one hand on the small of my back and the other pulls away my hair from my face. I am sick about twice more before it stops and gives way to retching. It's sends shivers up my spine, eventually though I stop, turn around and sit on the floor- my back against the toilet bowl. I grab a piece of toilet paper and wipe around my mouth before proceeding to get up. I need to get to work after all.

"Whoa" says Rory, putting a hand on my shoulder, "where are you going?"

"Where do you think dimwit? I'm going to have a shower so I can get ready for work," I sigh in frustration, where else would I be going?

"Erm Prim, I don't think that's a good idea, I mean, you've just puked up what looked like every meal you'd eaten for a week, it might be a good idea to give work a miss today."

"I can't," I snap, "We are already understaffed as it is and I can't leave Mother to do it on her own, besides I feel much better now anyway," and it's true, the nausea has gone now and I feel much better.

Rory relents but as I go out the room I hear him mutter, "It's stupid to go to work if she's sick, she'll just pass it onto her patients." I have to suppress a small giggle.

The shower has an invigorating effect on my spirits and I come out all happy and fresh. I start to get dressed in my nurse's outfit when I pair of hands covers my eyes. "Guess who?" says a voice, that's trying-but failing- to disguise itself. The hands mover away from my eyes and then I feel Rory's lips on mine and the rest of the world melts away, just like it always does when I kiss him. Eventually though, I have to push him away. The alarm clock says 6:05 and I need to hurry up otherwise I'll be late. I say as much to Rory.

"Aww Prim, do you really have to go? You could phone in sick, and then we could have the whole day together."

"As tempting as that is," I say (because it _is_ really tempting) "You know I can't and besides I finish at half-five today so why don't you cook a wonderful meal for when I get back and whatever we do after that is up to you."

He looks like a little kid at Christmas, with his eyes lit up and his childish grin, "Seriously?" he asks. I nod and get dressed. Too soon, I'm at the front-door with car-keys in hand giving him a kiss goodbye.

"Bye Honey," I say, giving him another kiss.

"Bye," he says sadly. I leave him with a face that looks like a puppy- a puppy I've just kicked. _Isn't it lovely that he's going to miss you_ I think to myself.

Isn't being in love fun.

_I'd really like at least 10 reviews before my next update and sorry this part is short but It will get longer with time._


	2. Chapter 2

**s~ Chapter Two ~long day ~ **

"Prim, you can go on your break now," a fellow nurse - Kathryn - says. Its about 3pm and I feel like I've been working forever. My back aches and all I want is to get home to Rory, have that lovely meal and a nice hot bath.

"But Kathryn, I've just had my break an hour ago and we have all these patients," I say, gesturing to the waiting room that's full of patients, most of them throwing up into paper bowls, others clutching some limb or other in pain.

"Prim, you are exhausted, don't lie-I can see it. Go and give yourself at least ten minutes to rest and then come back and you'll feel better."

I don't want to go but I can see Kathryn won't take no for an answer, she's really stubborn that way. I go to the ladies bathroom, undo my bun, take off my cap and put my head into the sink that I've just filled with cold water. I come up for air and then do the same again and again until I feel more refreshed and awake. Then I unplug the sink, put my hair back into it's bun, put on my nurse's cap and just stare in the mirror. I desperately want to get back to my patients but Kathryn won't let me treat the patients if I'm not away for at least ten minutes.

Finally - after watching the clock for five minutes - I slip out of the ladies, Kathryn is standing in the waiting room holding a clip-board and smiling.

"I knew you wouldn't be away for more than ten minutes," she laughs. I just shake my head at her, take the clipboard and head into the cubicle where my patient and his mother are waiting. I estimate the boy to be about four and a quick look at his medical records tells me I'm right, his mop of curly brown hair, blue eyes and his cheeky grin, remind me of someone, but I have no idea who it is.

"Hey honey, I'm Nurse Hawthorne but you can call me Prim if you like, what should I call you?"

He pauses, as if considering for a moment then says, "Well I'm Mr Cutton but you can call me Thomas." I laugh, young people are always funny.

"Okay then Thomas, so why have you come to see us today?" I usually don't have to ask but since I can see no obvious injury I do.

In answer he lifts up his T-shirt and I can see a very long, thin burn on his stomach, I shudder, burns used to have no effect on me at all but things have changed. It's not deep but it's already began to blister so I'll need to hurry up before infection sets in.

"Right Thomas, all I'm going to put some lovely soothing jell on your burn then I'll wrap it up in a bandage. Then, you'll be able to go home and I'll send some of the jell and bandages home with you. How does that sound ?" he nods his head so I take that as a yes. I go over to the little tray that's been put into the cubicle and take out some latex gloves, bandages and a small tube of blue jelly.

I put on the gloves then go over to Thomas once more. I then squeeze a small amount of the jelly on my index finger and rub it gently into his burn, he starts laughing then once I'm done he's sighing in relief. I wrap a bandage around it and then he's free to go home .

"The jell also acts as an anaesthetic so he shouldn't feel any pain but if he does just bring him back in," I say to his mother, she nods and then comes closer to me, like she's about to tell me something private.

"Is your maiden name 'Primrose Everdeen?" she asks, then she flushes red as if she's embarrassed.

"Yes, why ?"

"Well, Erm," she stutters, "Can you give this to your sister," and she thrusts a package into my hands, I raise my head to say thank-you but she's already pushed Thomas out the door and left.

"Thanks," I whisper.

The next few hours pass in a rush and Finally it's half past five. I go to the locker room to collect my things and carefully conceal the package in my bag that has my medical textbooks in it, my coat draped across the top.

"Hey Prim, I just wanted to ask, are you free tomorrow night?" says Martin- a fellow trainee nurse- from his place where he has suddenly appeared behind me. I jump and catch my head on the locker door, it breaks the skin and starts to bleed.

"Ow!" I exclaim.

"Oh my god sorry Prim I just-"

"What do you want Martin?" I say cutting him off, I can't be bothered with apologies now, not when the longer it takes him to get on with it, the longer amount of time it takes until I can go home.

"Well you see, a bunch of us are going celebrating tomorrow night at the district's one and only decent eating place and I was wondering if you'd like to come?" he says quickly, breathing hard like he's just finished a race.

"Celebrating what?"

"Celebrating Alfie and Jacqueline getting together of course. You know how long it took for them both to admit that they fancied each other."

"Okay Martin, I'll phone you later about it,"

"Okay Prim, bye." he says and then he's gone.

_Finally_ I think to myself but then feel immediately guilty for doing so. I am so happy for Jacqueline and Alfie, it took them two years to admit it to each other that they loved each other. Everyone knew how they both felt, it was a much talked about issue in the staff room. I had loved the feeling when me and Rory had first gotten together and I wanted everyone to feel like that- but some people I know don't want to feel like that.

The journey home feels longer than it did this morning and the sight of my house in Victor's village makes my heart jump. Katniss gave me her house since she went to live in Peeta's, I didn't want her too but she insisted when we got married, saying that we couldn't live with mother in our tiny seam house. She was right of course but I didn't want to admit it, I didn't want to leave our childhood home.

I step through the front door and smell something delicious. It's slightly spicy and I go into the kitchen and laugh when I find Rory in my Pink apron stirring about three different sauces on the hob. The whole scene is so absurd that I laugh out loud. Rory turns around with the wooden spoon is one hand and says "Is there anything wrong?" a little too innocently

"No, nothing, just that I didn't expect you to be quite so engrossed in it," I whisper into his ear.

"This is just the warm-up" he says and I realise what he means, earlier I'd promised we'd do whatever we wanted after dinner, and I have no doubt I know what it will be.

"Okay then- just know that dinner gives me more energy," I whisper silkily in his ear and then we both laugh because we are both no good at acting sexy. This is the type of relationship I want, and am glad I've got- one like Katniss and Peeta had when they were younger except I hope we never grow out of it.

I lie in the hot, silky water of the bathtub, letting my thoughts unravel. Today was challenging, nearly every day is because after all I work at a hospital and there is always tragedy, you learn to cope. I enjoy it though, I try to focus on those I can help, rather than those I can't, but often I find my mind drifting towards those people, like the terminally ill. Maybe it's because my whole childhood was corrupted by terminal illness - not that I'm complaining, I had one of the best childhoods anyone could've had in those times. Fresh food, family that loved me, friends, plenty of people could not say the same.

I get out of the bath reluctantly, and slip on my white bathrobe. I come out of our en-suite and there's Rory sitting on the bed with a rose in his mouth, trying (but epically failing) to look seductive.

"Hey there," I say softly, almost making him jump out of his skin- he obviously didn't expect me to be there.

He stands up and starts kissing me, softly. His hands slide up my bathrobe sleeves and in doing so he pulls them up a little. I can se the scars now, scars from burns that ran too deep. These are remnants of the rebellion, the one that destroyed my family. These burns bring back everything, the moment when I got them. Katniss screaming my name, the parachutes, the horrible smell of burning flesh and then nothing, just black. Coming round later with bandages all over me, doctors telling Katniss I only had 40% chance of survival, Katniss attacking the doctors, Katniss being removed from the room and finally - Doctor Aurelius telling me to 'hang on in there'.

I start to cry, I just can't take the memories anymore. There's too many for me to cope with at once. I feel my knees slide and then I'm on the floor kneeling. Rory comes down beside me, putting his hand on the small of my back and kisses the top of my head. I just cry myself out, letting it all wash over me, it's better out than in.

Something's wrong- me and Rory have been talking and there's been the usual street noise but now it's suddenly stopped. And after the silence has lasted for about 5 minutes, there's a scream that cuts right through me. I know who that voice belongs to.

_I know the ending of this really sucks but I need to work on them- I decided not to do the 10 reviews thing-although it would be nice- because I__'__ll post regardless of how many people review it, But please still review it, PLEASE ! Thanks to my first reviewer Crosel2001 - it means a lot._


	3. Chapter 3

_Hey guys, I just thought I'd say that sometimes it might not always be in Prim's point of view but I'll try to mostly. If you have any ideas of what other characters point of view I can do then please either review your idea or PM me. Also if you have any questions then don't hesitate to PM me as well. Thanks __J _

**Chapter three - Oh. My. God **

_I know that scream_ is the only coherent thought I can form while I pull on some jeans and a jumper. I have to find out what it is, there's no way I could just leave the poor person there- it must be my nurse's instinct.

"Jesus Christ Prim, what do you think that was," says Rory, struggling with his trousers.

"Not a 'what' a 'who'," I say to him while peering out of our bedroom windows, seeing if I can locate the noise.

"Still, it- or they- must be strong if they have a voice like that, I mean I think it shattered my eardrums,"

It's when he says the word 'strong' that I know who the scream belongs to. I struggle even harder with the jumper- which has seemed to trap me. I struggle for what feels like ages until Rory finally comes to my aid, guiding my arms to the sleeves and pushing the hood out of my face so I could breathe. I face him as my face finally breaks free. This is going to be a long night.

The grass feels soft and wet between my toes - in the hurry I'd forgotten shoes or socks - and my breath billows out from my nose and mouth in white clouds. I don't feel cold though, in fact I feel warm as I tell Rory where we are heading.

"The scream came from Katniss's house - wait no- it's Peeta's house - no it's Katniss and Peeta's because they are married," I rattle on. Rory carries a blanket and some water under his arms and I carry a photograph. I don't know why I brought it, for good luck maybe?

We burst through Katniss's front door (or Peeta's?) and rush to the living room. I was right, Katniss is the one screaming, and she's screaming at Peeta as his hands lock tightly around her throat. Her lips are turning blue and she can't scream anymore, only choke out words which I think are meant to be soothing, but doesn't seem to be working.

"Peeta, stop it right now!" I say firmly, the way I would do with all my other mentally ill patients. But Peeta's not mentally ill - just hasn't recovered from his Hijacking. I have a sense of Dejavu, it's a horrible reminder of seven years ago, a nasty reminder that Snow hasn't left us alone at all, he has made his mark on the world.

Katniss's eye's flutter and I know if I don't do something soon, she will die. That's the plain and simple truth. My sister will die.

"Rory do something!" I scream in helplessness, I can see her life fading away. Rory punches an unsuspecting Peeta and knocks him out with one well-placed blow to the forehead. Katniss gasps and take big gulping breaths before she slides down the wall, her head in her hands, and starts to cry. I go over to her immediately and take the blanket and water from Rory. I wrap the blanket around her knees and give Katniss tiny little sips of the water.

"Thank you so much," she whispers, I don't know if it's just cause she's upset or if it's because he's damaged her throat.

"It's nothing Honey, it's fine," I say, trying to offer some comfort when there is obviously none to be found.

"No, it's not okay. I can't live like this anymore, Prim. With people always having to rescue me, not being able to turn a certain programme on the TV in case it brings on an attack. Because of what that Damn President Snow did to my husband. I. Can't. Do. This." Katniss says in a burst. It must be so frustrating for her.

"Look Katniss, I get your scared," she shoots me a venomous look, "and I get your upset but I need you to come to the hospital with me to check is Peeta's damaged your vocal cords." I say, quietly.

Katniss scoots away from me and goes and cradles Peeta's head in in the basket she's created with her knees. "I can't leave him," she whispers so softly I strain to hear her.

"Yes you can honey, you have to, Rory will look after him," I say, praying Rory won't mind.

"I can't Prim, he'll wake up and -" she doesn't finish, she can't. Her voice has gone and I see her struggling with it. I go over and grab a piece of paper and a pen from the table, I give it to her and she starts scribbling furiously.

Then she hands it back.

_I can't leave him Prim. It was all my fault anyway. I wanted to watch the news because rumours had been going around about Caesar's new appearance and I wanted to see it . Peeta didn't want to but I convinced him. Anyhow the news came on and it wasn't Caesar but they started saying something about there being a new history documentary coming out and it was going to be centred around the 74__th__ Hunger games. Our games. At that he just went ballistic, and started accusing me of all sorts. That's when I started screaming, hoping someone would hear, because I couldn't leave because he's blocked the door._

_Besides I can't leave Michael. _

_Oh damn_ I think. I'd momentarily forgotten about Katniss's two-month old son, Michael.

"Rory, honey, would you mind-" I say but I don't need to finish. He just says, "Of course, I'd do anything." I give him a quick kiss.

"Come on then Katniss, no excuses now," I say, helping her to her feet. She gives Peeta a long lingering look before she proceeds to walk out the front door. I pretend I don't see the tears in her eyes.

"Well Katniss, that wasn't so bad was it?" I say cheerfully. It's one o'clock on the morning now and the streets are empty although the hospital is as alive as ever.

"No that was Swell Prim, 'cause I just _love_ three hours waits in hospital waiting rooms and getting instruments shoved down my throat," she croaks out sarcastically.

I just roll my eyes to heaven and in doing so I see a shooting star, I make a wish. _Please don't let Peeta have anymore attacks_ I whisper in my head.

It was my mother who had treated us. She had been working late and as soon as she had realized we were there she had taken us to her office. Mother didn't even need to ask what happened, she just said, "Peeta?" Katniss hadn't answered, she's just stared out the window the whole time so I'd had to answer.

"Prim," Katniss whispers, once we are inside the safety of the car.

"Yes ?" I say, all my attention focused on the car in front.

"Can I … maybe… stay with you tonight?" she says. I can tell she hates it. Having to be looked after so I try not to mollycoddle her but it's hard, it's a natural instinct.

"Of course Sweetie, bring over Michael as well, you can both stay for what's left of the night."

I see relief flood over her features. She doesn't have to go home tonight. If I were her, I wouldn't want to share a bed with the guy that tried to kill me either, no matter how much I loved him.

It's early in the morning when I awake. I've only been asleep about an hour but something wakes me up. I put on my slippers and pad through to the guest room where Katniss and Michael are staying. I open the door a crack.

Katniss is sitting on the rocking chair with Michael in her arms. She's crying, I would go to her but something tells me not to.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't able to protect you," Katniss whispers to Michael. I have no idea what she is talking about.

"I'm so sorry," she says again and she starts to sing;

_Deep in the meadow, under the willow_

_A bed of grass, a soft green pillow_

_Lay down your head and close your sleepy eyes_

_And when again they open the sun will rise_

I love hearing Katniss sing, it brings back a few of the happy memories of my childhood, a few. Katniss finished the song and puts Michael in his crib. Then she sits back in the rocking chair and cries, quietly so as not to wake everyone else, but she's still crying. I don't go to her though, because I know exactly what she thinks. Crying is like everything else we do - it's better if you don't get caught.

_There, I hope you guys like it. Please review, pretty please with a sugar cube on top. Thanks ~ hungergamesfan100_


	4. Chapter 4

_Heyy guys, just want to say that can you please review, please , thanks _

**Chapter 4 - here we go **

I just have time to make it to the toilet before I'm sick. This is the third time in the past hour and I'm really getting sick of it (ha-ha).

It's been three days since the Hijacking incident. Katniss went home the same day after a very upset Peeta came and apologised profusely. She only had minor damage to her vocal cords and Mother said she would be back to normal within a week and a half. I can tell Katniss is still wary of our mother, even though it's been more than ten years since our father died and eight since she came home from the hunger games.

"Prim, I really don't think you should go to work today," Rory says from his position in the doorway. I would ignore him except I'm not working today, I only work part-time because I'm so young. Well not that young, I'm almost twenty after all, but mother insists.

"I'm not going because I'm not working today," I say, finally being able to stand up because the nausea has passed.

"That's great," you can see the relief clearly on his face.

"Yeah," I lie and stumble back to bed. I'm not one for usually sleeping in but I feel I can make myself an exception for today. I feel like a piece of rubbish.

Rory clambers in beside me and I cuddle up to him. I wish the whole world was like this- peaceful and calm. It's about half past six in the morning but it already sounds like half the world is up. There is street noise from the market sellers - who always get up early- noise from the shop owners getting ready for another day, and a very unflattering noise coming from Haymitch's house. I don't even want to think about what him and Effie are doing in there.

"Well I suppose I better go," says Rory, getting out of bed and stretching. I'd forgotten that it wasn't the weekend.

"Do you really need to go to work?" I ask, It sounds a lot more whiney though. I hate whining.

"Yeah Prim, I do. But I'll be back before long."

"Okay then," I mumble into the bedcovers. I really do not feel well.

When he's left I find myself staring at the white ceiling. I could go to the shops today. We need more food and I need to get other things like soap and wool. Plus I need some more of those beautifully decorated cakes from Peeta's bakery. I can bake myself of course, but I buy these because they are so beautiful - and delicious as well of course.

_That's decided then_. I get myself of the bed and get dressed, then sighing as I look in the mirror. What _am_ I going to do with my hair. I'm usually at work so it's always in a bun then but it looks too severe for shopping in the district. I could put it in a braid but then I'd look like my sister and I don't want to do that - not because she's not pretty but because it reminds me too much about the way things used to be, the same if I put it in two braids. I could leave it down but it annoys me that way because it's so long and I get far too warm if I do that. That leaves a pony tail. I look okay I suppose, not pretty but okay. And okay will have to do. _when did I get so obsessed with hair?_

(time passed)

I've spent three hours shopping. My feet are killing me and so are my arms because of the ten shopping bags I've got on them. The chemist is last on my list, I need to get some toothpaste and some painkillers, also some anti-depressants.

I walk into the cool of the shop. It's quite busy, far busier than I expected. The chemist is never busy. I make my way between the aisles to get what I need and then pay. I'm just on my way out when I see a shelf that catches my attention. Why am I even paying attention to this shelf, it's impossible. Well not impossible but close enough. Although it would explain a lot. I pick one up and head to the checkout. _Oh crap_ I think because I've got to face the cashier. I pay with my face on fire and then hurry all the way home. Even though I've got all the bags, I run.

Katniss has popped a note through our front door asking us to come for dinner tonight. I write a _yes_ on the same piece of paper and then post it through her front door. There's also my pay check which has come in the post - hallelujah- and the Capitol newsletter which everybody get's through their door now. So it is true that Caesar got hair extensions and cheek implants.

I make the dinner and put it in the oven, working on robotic mode.

I take the item I bought today, and make my way up the stairs.

(Line Breaker)

"Come on Prim, the pregnancy test doesn't work if you don't use it." I scold myself. I don't even know why I bought it, I just did.

I give myself a minute to calm down because I feel my heart rate starting to spike and that's not good. Then comes the most embarrassing thing I've done in my life, even though nobody can see me and I'm at home in a bathroom with the door locked.

I eventually use the thing and lay it on top of the toilet while I wash my hands. I have to wait at least two minutes before looking and to be honest that's just fine. I think about what will happen if I'm not pregnant - things will be as they were and nobody ever needs to know what I've just done- but then I think about what will happen if I am pregnant, what will change, I will also have defied biology.

Time passes like a tortoise dragging a hovercraft behind it but finally two minutes are up. I pick up the stick and look but the words and numbers are all blurry. I rub my eyes and blink several times before looking again. And this time I see it. My God I see it.

_Pretty please review and tell me what you think -with a sugar cube on top, please. Also thanks to the people who do actually review - you make my day. ~ Hungergamesfan100_


	5. Chapter 5

**Heyy, I'm sorry I wasn't able to update yesterday but I had school then tons of homework (Ugh)! So as usual review and like and favourite and whatever, Thanks for reading ! **

Chapter 5 - The mess I made.

"Hi Prim, I'm home," says a voice from downstairs, following the slam of the back door closing. _"Oh Crap!_" I say, standing up. Then I realise I have been sitting on the floor, hugging my knees to my chest for almost and hour. Groaning because my muscles have gone tight, I stretch out, straighten my clothes and then put on a bright smile and go downstairs.

"Hey Rory, By the way I told Katniss we could go to her house for dinner tonight - she asked me." I say, going and giving him a kiss, praying he doesn't notice the worry that has crept into my voice.

"That's fine Prim, are you okay ? You're as white as a sheet!" he exclaims and I really don't want to lie to him, but I have no choice.

"I'm fine, just tired. I had to go shopping this afternoon !" I say and he laughs. Rory knows about my extreme dislike for shopping. When I was little and lived in the Seam, Merchant girls would always talk about shopping and what they were going to buy. I never had enough money for food, never mind shopping for fun, so I have never really done it and when I did start to, I found that I hated it. It all comes back to those girls having enough money to spend and we didn't.

I realise that I had put dinner on, so I turn off the oven but leave the meat in it. No point wasting it - we can have it tomorrow.

"So how was your day ?" Rory asks me and I explain all to him - minus the pregnancy test. In return he tells me about his day at work in the Wood-shop. Rory works there - making things like tables and chairs and you get the idea. Not glamorous money but with my income and his we live comfortably. And to be honest I'm glad I'm not rich or anything like that - I've seen what can happen.

****Later****

We stand outside Katniss's house waiting for her to open the door. I understand what this dinner is - It's a thank-you for saving her and a sorry for doing it. I'm sorry that she feels like she has to say those things, we're family, but then again, Katniss doesn't like to owe anyone anything.

"Oh my god where is she I'm bloody freezing." says Rory, rubbing his arms. It's the middle of October and although the days are still relatively warm the nights are stupidly cold. I ring the doorbell again, this time harder. I'm beginning to wonder where she is myself, I might freeze to death before she opens the door. Finally, after a minute of incessant buzzing, she answers.

"Sorry, I think it's broken. We took out the batteries when Michael was born and then out them back in put I think Peeta put them back in the wrong way - he's useless with this sort of stuff. I only realised you were here when I was looking out the window and saw two blocks of ice!" she explains while she is taking our coats.

"Ha-ha" I say, before focusing my mind on the delicious aromas coming from the kitchen and not on the positive pregnancy test that I've hidden in my wardrobe, under a pile of shoeboxes.

We go through to the dining room and I see Peeta sitting at the head of the table. He smiles at my somewhat warily and I know that he's feeling embarrassed about the other night. To dispel any doubts from his head I go over and give him a massive bear hug. I may be twenty but you're never too old for a hug.

"Hiya Peeta, how are you?" making my voice little and girlish.

"I'm great Prim," he says ,hugging me back. Soon things are back to normal - with us talking and laughing and hugging, The way things used to be.

Soon Katniss and Rory come back to the dining room, carrying plates with delicious food on them. I laugh when my plate is sat down in front of me - it's the lamb stew with plums. Katniss's favourite dish from the Capitol.

"I though Peeta was the cook in this household?" I say to Katniss, because I notice she's the one wearing the apron and has the harassed look of a cook.

"Well little duck, since Peeta was busy today I thought I would take time to make my favourite dish ever!" says Katniss sarcastically.

I just roll my eyes to heaven and carry on eating. It's actually quite good - considering Katniss is not the cooking type. Everybody else seems to be enjoying it too and Rory asks for seconds. When Katniss has left the room to get his seconds I mouth to him, _You're going to get fat_, he just laughs and mouths back, _Not as fat as you_. I realise that I've scarped my plate clean as well as demolished three bread rolls that were in a basket in the centre of the table. I laugh in mock horror.

All too soon it's time to leave. I don't want to because it feels so safe and warm here but I have no choice. I can't always rely on my sister to look out for me, I'm not that scared twelve year-old anymore.

"Well it's been lovely to be here," I say as I put on my coat. Katniss opens her arms and I immediately step into them, inhaling the familiar scent of the woods. Katniss holds onto me for longer while she whispers something in my ear:

"Listen little duck, my house is open to you day or night, anytime, you just name it. I'm always here for you."

I nod and blink furiously to stop the tears that are threatening to overcome me. How could I think that my big sister wouldn't know something was wrong, of course she would. She's like me that way.

"Bye you guys," Rory says, as we both head into the night,

***LATER THAT NIGHT***

I'm lying awake staring up at the ceiling, trying to sleep. Rory's snoring beside me and I envy how he can fall asleep like that. I'm just being thankful that this has been an uneventful day until I remember the positive pregnancy test in the shoebox…

**Sorry that chapter was so bad but hopefully the next part will be better. Remember and review and a huge massive THANK-YOU to my reviewer called Rory. You absolutely made my day- I was thrilled when I read your review. You paid me one of the biggest compliments I could ever get. THANKS again ~ Hungergamesfan100 **


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys! Thank you so much for your reviews and everything, it makes me feel better about my writing each time I see one. You guys are the best. **

**Chapter six- Roles reversed. **

I wake up only to find my bedroom bathed in the golden October sunlight. I make the mistake of rolling on to my side and suddenly have to dash to the toilet to be sick. Ever day it's like this. I hadn't realised that morning sickness was _every_ morning. I guess I should know better - being my mother's daughter and all - but I don't.

I try to be sick and quietly as possible in order not to wake Rory. These past few days have been so hard on him, with me being sick at all hours - not just morning - me being snappy at him. Hormones. I'm also quiet because I don't want him to suspect anything, it's not time for him to know. Not yet.

"Morning beautiful," says Rory, lying on his side and looking at me with his Silver-grey eyes. It's the one thing that reminds me he's always been from the Seam whereas I have the merchant look about me - from my mother's side of the family.

"Morning Handsome," I giggle. We are both lying in bed, Rory sounding really sleepy and me being as wide awake as possible. Throwing up for three hours straight tends to do that too a person.

Rory get's out of bed and heads to the bathroom, meanwhile I just lie and stare at the ceiling, rubbing my hand in circular motion across my stomach. I notice what I'm doing and immediately stop. I am sure I did not do this before.

Eventually, I get out of bed and head downstairs to the kitchen where I make us both breakfast. A bowl of porridge and honey for Rory and a bagel with cream cheese and chives for me. Delicious !

Rory comes down and we have the traditional family scene where husband and wife have breakfast together then wife clears up while husband reads the paper. We never used to have the paper in my childhood - too expensive. And we still don't have it now, Rory is reading the Capitol newsletter - the one that I read the other day. He laughs at the same parts I laughed at and sighs at the Capitol's trivial complaints - just like me. We are a perfect fit.

"So what are you doing today Prim ?"asks Rory, a smile still on his face from reading about Caesar Flickerman's new appearance.

"I honestly don't know. I'm not working today and I did the shopping a few days ago. I might go and see Katniss or bake or clean or mend you clothes. OR I might just do all of them!" I exclaim and then we are both giggling over the Capitol newsletter once more.

"Are you really okay Prim?" he asks, just before he is about to leave.

"I'm fine. I look okay, feel great and energetic, I'm awesome!" I say and it's true, all of the above are true.

"You know you can tell me anything," says Rory as he pulls me in for a hug.

"Uh-huh" I lie. If only that were true.

***Later***

I am bored. I have cleaned and cooked and mended, the only thing I haven't done is go and see Katniss. I perk up, remembering that there is still one thing I can do today.

I ring the doorbell at Katniss's house but then think better of it and use the knocker. I knock for five minutes straight but when there's still no answer I finally admit defeat and accept that Katniss is out. Peeta will be at work and then I realise that in the flurry when I was shopping I forgot the cakes!

The bakery is warm and inviting. I step in and immediately picture Peeta's childhood. It's something I do anytime I meet someone I know well.

"Hi Prim, what can I do for you today ?" asks Peeta, wiping his hands in a dish towel before enveloping me in a hug.

"Erm…" I say, taking my time to choose what cake I would like. It never gets old - being able to choose what you want. "Can I get two of those please?" I say, selecting a chocolate cake with delicate swirls of white chocolate frosting and alternating swirls of dark chocolate curls.

"Sure," says Peeta, tells me the price and proceeds to get my order. I notice he slips in an extra cake free of charge, and subtly winks at me. He might not say it, but I know this is yet another apology for the hijacking.

"Where is Michael?" I ask because Katniss is out and I don't think she's taken him with her. I would usually have him if Katniss and Peeta are out but since I obviously don't I can't help wondering.

"Finnick and Annie are here for a holiday and they came last night and asked if they could take Michael out for the day with Little Finn."

"Oh," is all I can say and I'm back out into the cold October early afternoon. I'm really wanting the company of my sister now. She must be alone wherever she is, then I know where she is. I just know. Then I run off to the place where my sister goes whenever she can get a minute alone.

***LATER***

The woods are quiet and relaxing. I can't believe I used to be scared of them, Something about how it was illegal and I was scared for Katniss getting into trouble. All that's behind me know.

Since I don't fancy getting an arrow in the eye, I cast around for the rock that Katniss and Gale used to sit on when they went hunting. Locating it, I go over and sit on it - figuring that Katniss will stop here to have her lunch that she's no doubt have taken with her. It's about half past twelve so I shouldn't have to wait that long.

I was wrong. Katniss doesn't appear at the edge of the woods until quarter to two. She doesn't see me right away. She's about two feet in front of me when she sees me and when she does, she starts to worry.

"Prim, what's wrong ?" she asks breathlessly, from the sprint she did to get to me.

"Katniss, I have something to tell you," I say and it's those words that have the power to destroy you.

"What is it ?" she says nervously, sitting on the rock beside me.

And then I just burst it out, unable to keep the secret one second longer, "I'm pregnant."

Katniss looks at me strangely. She doesn't burst into a smile and go into full baby mode like I thought she would- though now that I think about it, I obviously didn't think about my sister if I thought she would do that. She just looks at me and then says, "Did you tell Rory ?"

I shake my head. Katniss puts her hand on my shoulder, as if expecting me to say more, "I don't think I can tell him, it's too hard. I mean I want to but I don't. If you get it."

Katniss smiles, even if it's a little sad, "yeah I know what it feels like, I was exactly the same with Peeta, and before you ask how I told him I just sort of blurted it out at dinner. He had a mouthful of water at the time. It went everywhere," she smiles again at the memory.

And then all of a sudden I burst into tears. Katniss gasps a little but doesn't say anything, just pulls me into a hug , letting me cry myself out. I cry for my unborn child, cry for my broken family, cry for the years of lost children, cry for my big sister who has been broken in so many ways it's a wonder she's still whole and I cry for myself. Katniss herself doesn't cry, she's letting me be the weak one, something I never thought would happen again.

I have never believed in stereo-typing, to do so would mean that my whole childhood was full of contradictions. The big sister being the breadwinner of the family, Mother being the one that sank into some unknown dark place, me being the nurse. But then again in our world, maybe there was no such thing as a typical family. Almost nobody had a complete family, someone or other missing.

Katniss let's go of me and looks at me. She chews her bottom lip, as if deciding what to do, eventually she says, "What do you want to do?"

"Tell me about your pregnancy?" I gasp as the words slide involuntarily out of my mouth. I never should have said that. Katniss had a brief period of depression when she was pregnant and none of us are ever supposed to speak of it. I wait for the words of condemnation that should come flowing out, but they don't.

"Well I knew you would ask one day little duck," she sighs, " I guess I can't keep it from you forever, and I guess it's time for me to start acting like a big sister." I want to tell her that she has always been my big sister to me, always has been and always will.

"Well when I first found out I was pregnant I was terrified. So scared that every morning, when Peeta left for work I'd cry by myself all day until he came home. Then I would put on a brave front and pretend everything was alright. This was after I'd told Peeta of course. I didn't even want a child, and when I saw Peeta get all excited over baby romper suits and booties I felt even worse. An abortion was never an option for me, I'd sworn to myself after the rebellion that nobody else would die at my hands, but I was considering adoption, That was when I got… depression. When I got better, I still didn't want a child but I started to get more and more excited without realising it. Only holding Michael in my arms could tame the fear." Katniss finishes with her head bowed and tears at the corner of her eyes.

I don't point out that she hadn't told me anything useful. Like how to deal with stomach cramps and morning sickness. Maybe she doesn't want to relive it, after all if it was that terrible do I really want to know about it?

"Will you sing?" I ask tentatively. I feel Katniss stiffen beside me and I remember Katniss's ally Rue made that request right before died in the hunger games. Katniss starts to sing but she doesn't sing the same song she sung Rue like I expected her to.

_Are you, are you_

_Coming to the tree_

_Where they strung up a man they say murdered three_

_Strange things did happen here_

_No stranger would it be_

_If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree_

_Are you are you_

_Coming to the tree_

_Where the dead man called out for his love to flee_

_Strange things did happen here_

_No stranger would it be_

_If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree_

_Are you are you_

_Coming to the tree_

_Where I told you to run so we'd both be free_

_Strange things did happen here_

_No stranger would it be_

_If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree_

_Are you are you_

_Coming to the tree_

_Wear a necklace of rope, side by side with me_

_Strange things did happen here_

_No stranger would it be_

_If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree_

That was beautiful. Hauntingly beautiful. I miss my sister singing. I miss a lot of things but if I had to choose some, this would be near the top of the list.

Katniss has tears tumbling down her cheeks silently, "You have to tell him, Prim."

I know she's talking about Rory, and I mean what I say next, "I know."

**Sorry this took so long to write, I hope the next one will be a bit quicker, Please review, they mean so much to me ~ hungergamesfan100**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi you guys, sorry my last chapter was long and boring and quite frankly bad ! Also when I say a pregnancy test is positive it means that she IS pregnant, Thanks guys for your reviews - Keep it going ! **

The house is empty and as silent as a graveyard when I walk in. This afternoon has been one hell of a struggle and all I want is someone to hold me until I fall asleep, someone who can be whole when I am broken, but that person is not home yet.

I run upstairs and sit in my bedroom and cry. I have already cried once today, and I am crying now. I am dangerously close to becoming that twelve year-old again. Someone who needs other people to make things right for her, and although it would be so easy to be that person again, I can't. I won't. Other people rely on me.

Maybe I will become like Katniss, who sat and cried for hours on end and then put on a brave front. She always put on a brave front - even when I was a child. By telling me everything was okay, and it was - in the end. Katniss did everything a mother should do, and although I quickly forgave my mother, I did not forget how she left us. I would love to be the sort of mother Katniss was to me as a sister growing up. Always there, putting me in front of herself. Always.

When Rory comes in I am at the hob trying to decipher this recipe that Kathryn wrote out for me. I give up and then sit down at our table and chairs, trying to figure out what sort of birthday present I should get for Effie. I mean, what do you get a woman who has everything, and wants everything?

The minute I look at Rory though, I lose it. I start sobbing and he immediately comes over and hugs me.

"Prim, what's wrong?" he asks - not firmly- but the sort of hardness tat only comes from worry. I just shake my head and carry on crying, I am a terrible liar.

"Prim, tell me. I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong."

"I'm Pregnant." I say finally.

The shocked silence says it all. I can see Rory trying to string words together to form a sentence but he is failing. Eventually he says, "I thought you could …. Couldn't have.. You know…kids?"

I'd forgotten about that, and he's right I'm not meant to be able to have kids. The fire, was meant have to have damaged something deep and irreplaceable. When I was told I had been gutted, absolutely gutted. It was one of the first things I had told \Rory.

"Well either the doctor got it wrong or ten pregnancy tests did," I say, making a feeble attempt at a joke. I had bought another ten a couple of days ago.

Rory looks so deliriously happy and then he picks me up and whirls me around. Laughing and crying and smiling and I realise that I am starting to get more and more excited as well. So what if I'm pregnant ? So what? Rory and I will learn along the way, jus like all other parents do. What make us so different from everyone else?

"Is this what has been wrong with you for the past few days?" says Rory, his voice a whisper against my skin. I nod, my cheek pressed up against his chest. I feel so safe here, like nothing bad will ever happen again.

***LATER***

It's late at night when I remember the package. The package the women gave to me in the hospital. I have no idea what's in it, or how the women knows my sister. She has the Seam look about her, and I think the only reason she knew who I am is because when I was twelve years-old my face was broadcast all over Panem in an interview when my sister made it to the final eight.

I don't want to wake the snoring lump that is my husband so I tip-toe out of bed and open the wardrobe door, where the package lies at the bottom of my bag, under my medical textbooks. I gently slide out the package and looks at it. It's covered in brown paper - which I suspect is paper bags taped together- and is a rectangular shape, with hardly any weight to it. What could it possibly be?

I look at my bedside clock. It says it half past three in the morning so I'll just wait until later to give it to her. I fall asleep rubbing my hands in a circular motion over the hard swell of my abdomen.

Morning brings two thing. First thing is a letter addressed to me. It's a surprise but since I have more pressing things on my mind, I leave it unopened on the kitchen counter.

"Good morning," says Rory, still rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"Good morning," I say, dumping his bowl of porridge in front of him.

I then proceed to get the ingredients out of the cupboard for the bread I'm going to make. Rory watches me with astonishment in his eyes before opening the letters that have come for him.

"You know I still remember when we had to make our own bread from Tesserae grain rations," says Rory.

"I do too. Remember how they were always like drop biscuits. I am so thankful I can buy proper ingredients, although most people still prefer bakery bread." I say, washing the bowls and other equipment while the bread is rising.

"You know my sister is in town, she sent me a letter asking if she can come stay with us. Can she?" asks Rory. I remember Posy, she'll be twelve now - it's been eight years.

"Of course she can, but shouldn't she be in school and I don't think it's right for a twelve year-old to be travelling from district four all on her own to here?" I say disapprovingly. "Where is your mother, shouldn't she be with her?"

"That's just it Prim," whispers Rory, coming up and putting his hands around my waste, " It's the school holidays and she misses District twelve. Also Mother IS coming with her, but leaving soon after to go to a medical course in district five with _your_ mother."

I say okay and then Rory leaves for work. I take the bread out of the oven and go upstairs to write Posy a letter. It's been years since I've saw her and to be honest I'm a little bit nervous. But I'm twenty now, I can't let the past scare me, I have a brilliant life now. Nothing will change that.

It's noon by the time I remember the strange package. So I fetch it from under my bead, and carrying a loaf of bread in my other arm, I set off.

Katniss answers the door with a haggard look on her face. I am about to ask what's wrong when she says, "Don't Prim, just don't," a little less nice than I would prefer. I follow her through to the dining room where she sits down and says, "So spill, why are you here?" In answer I hand her the brown paper-covered package.

After a moments hesitation, she rips off the brown paper which reveals a cardboard box with a lid. Katniss slowly lifts off the lid and removes the tissue paper. I hear her gasp and then I notice she's reading a letter. Then she hands me the letter while she looks in the box, I pretend I don't hear her start to cry, just like she would want me to.

_Dear Miss Katniss Everdeen,_

_I don't know if you remember me, but I hope you will. I have always remembered you. If you have received this then you will probably be confused as to who delivered it. Well that was my brother's wife, she was kind enough to do it for me. I remember the day you didn't save me, and I know how much you regretted it when you saw me in the Capitol. Truth is, if you had saved me, we both would have died or become an avox so in the end the outcome is better. I would be lying if I said that when I was drawn up into the hovercraft I wasn't angry with you, because I was. I was more angry with the Capitol for killing my other brother and taking away my freedom though. You will be wondering how I have heard of you and the truth is, I saw you on the news and I wanted to send something, for your little baby. So I have spent the last two months trying to perfect these. I hope you like them and I hope we meet again someday. I have never stopped betting on you fire girl, you are the one reason that I ran away from that prison cell in the capitol, because I knew the moment I laid eyes on you, that you were going to change the world. Never forget me, like I said before, I hope we meet again. _

_Yours Sincerely Lavina , (The Avox) _

I can scarcely believe it. I go over an look in the box and sure enough, there is about fifteen little baby outfits , all perfectly detailed and embroidered. My sister is crying now, overcome by the generosity. I comfort her as best I can but this is just extraordinary.

Eventually I leave, with the promise of coming back later to see how she's getting on. The short walk back to my house is all the time it takes for me to get my head around things. I had never known about this avox, I never used to know what an avox was, it was only after the rebellion that I found out from Katniss. It's really wonderful and lovely for somebody to wait eight years and then give presents. If only the whole world was like that - there would be no trouble at all.

***LATER***

There is something strange about tonight. I mean, things have gone normally but there is a strange feeling in the air that I don't like. It gives me chills.

I made an appointment with the doctor for a ultrasound. It's tomorrow at three which means I have to go on my own, unless my sister is willing to go with me. Mother doesn't know yet but I am planning to tell her tomorrow, I'm really anxious to see what she thinks because some part of me thinks that she thinks I'm still a little girl that needs to be protected, but I outgrew that skin long ago.

I am sitting on the edge of my bed when the shouting starts. I can't hear it at first and assume it's some people that have been out late. But then it gets louder and really it's too loud to be far away.

"Rory, do you think that shouting is coming from next door?" I whisper, although I couldn't tell you why

"Maybe, but whose house are you talking about ?" he whispers back. I consider this for a moment, there are two options. Haymitch and Effie's or Peeta and Katniss's . Then I decide that the noise is definitely coming from the latter.

"Peeta and Katniss's," I say back. He nods in agreement and we move to the one wall in our house that joins with their house. The kitchen wall, and listening from there, we can hear an, albeit slightly muffled, argument.

"Peeta, I can't do this anymore, I just Can't!"

"For god's sake Katniss, I'm only asking you to do one thing, not give up your hole life!"

"But Peeta, hunting is part of my life and you don't even have a valid enough reason to stop me,"

"It's dangerous, there are all sorts of animals in there."

"In case you forgot, I fed my family for four years out of those woods, and hunting was the only way to get it, so don't you dare play the danger card on me!"

"This has something to do with Gale, doesn't it?"

"No it has less than nothing to do with Gale, this is about you and me, not him."

"You say that…"

"Peeta, I love you and our child, nothing will ever change that, but you can't ask me to give up part of my life. It would be like asking you to give up baking."

I turn away. I can't listen to this anymore. Not two of my favourite people in the world arguing, I can't cope with this.

My legs feel like jelly as I go back upstairs. I sit on the bed and do the deep breathing, like the doctor told me to do when things got too much. But it doesn't seem to do much good. I stand up and walk about. The suddenly the world goes horizontal, everything spins, and the ground rushes up to meet me.

**Hey guys. I know this took ages to write and I really apologise for that but please keep reviewing because I feel loads better reading your comments ~ Hungergamesfan100**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hiya guys, I really need ideas of what you would like to happen in this story, please review **

Somebody is calling me. It sounds like it's down a long tunnel and is very faint but I can hear it. I grasp the sound and try and use it to pull myself back to the surface but it's no use. I am almost there when I collapse. I can still hear though.

"What's wrong with her," a voice says, the person has obviously been crying because the voice sounds like it's wrapped in wet flannel.

"They don't know yet," says another, "but the test results should come today." This voice sounds like it's trying hard not to cry. I'm not sure why I can't distinguish the voices, maybe because they both sound like they are from the same place.

I feel somebody else's hand on mine and I'm ecstatic that I can feel things. I can't move of my own accord but I can feel. Surely moving is only a step away. The hand is cold and rough but at the same time the touch is comforting and so familiar. The name is on the tip of my tongue.

It feels so strange to be mentally awake but not physically, almost like dreaming. I think I am in hospital because I can hear the soft soled shoes on the linoleum and the gentle hush of voices. I can smell the lavender disinfectant and there are flowers nearby - well maybe not flowers but another plant, for sure. The bed is soft and so lovely but all I want is to be at home in my own bed, to wake up and find out this has all been a bad dream.

I think a doctor comes into the room. It sounds familiar as well and then I realise that it's my doctor from the Capitol, but I can't remember his name, it's frustrating not being able to name things you recognise.

"Has Primrose had any traumatic events happen to her ?" asks the doctor.

"I don't think so," says another male voice.

"You don't _think _so. Do you even remember what has happened in the past years? For God's sake, do you even pay attention anymore, or do you just float through life in your own little bubble pretending nothing bad happens. Because here's a wake-up call for you, bad things do happen!" This voice is angry and the voice is as rough and familiar as the hand. I'm sure both belong to the same person.

"I was talking about recently," interrupts the doctor and the rough voice says immediately, "She's Pregnant."

Who knew silence could feel so weird. I need to open my eyes now, I just need to and I put all my energy into my two eyelids, as if I could will them to open. And when they open, I find that I want to close them again.

My sister, her husband, my mother, my husband are a mess. They look like they haven't slept in weeks. My doctor is the only one that looks somewhat decent, I wonder how long I have been unconscious, and that's when all hell breaks loose.

"She's awake!" screams my sister and then promptly faints dead away on the ground. Peeta crouches by her head and him and the doctor carry her to another room. Rory comes over to my side and takes my hand in his. My mother comes over to the other side and hugs me so tight I feel safe. I try to speak but they both shush me and carry on with the hugging and the holding. I hear Katniss's angry voice next door, "This isn't about me, it's about her!" and then she too comes and joins us in the big family hug, whispering to me, "I am so glad you are okay, you have no idea how worried we have all been."

"The baby ?" I just manage to whisper because my throat is as dry as mummy dust. I then look down at my abdomen and get a shock when it's a lot larger than I remember. At least four times as big.

"Everything's fine as you can see," says the doctor with a smile, "Although we still aren't sure what caused your attack. Something traumatic perhaps"

I rummage through my brain to try and think of anything that could have caused my attack but eventually have to shake my head in defeat. "I fainted just after I hear Katniss and Peeta arguing," I say, really not wanting to seem like I'm blaming them but I feel I have to tell the doctor, after all he's the one who knows everything so I think it's okay.

Katniss and Peeta just smile and I notice that she is standing really close to him, his arm around her back, her head on his shoulder. "Don't you worry about that, it was just a stupid argument, something which happens to all married couples. Besides we have had much worse than that, remember the time he tried to kill me?" And we all laugh at what has become a fond memory, but there is some sadness there and Peeta pulls Katniss closer to him, not wanting to let her go, in case he loses her forever. I can't blame him.

I stay in hospital for a week and am only allowed to leave when the doctor has extracted a promise from me to keep my feet up. I make the promise somewhat begrudgingly because I like to keep busy, it helps me keep my mind of things. But this time it's not just my life at stake, there's my unborn child as well and I'll do anything to protect them.

Me and Rory are packing up the bits and bobs which have started to clutter my small room for the past week. I turn to him and ask the one question which has been niggling me for a few days, "Rory, how long was I unconscious for?"

He freezes. The top he is holding suddenly finds it's way to the floor and he turns and faces me, sorrow and worry in his eyes, He manages to whisper, "Four weeks."

I drop onto the bed, tears starting to cloud my vision. How could I have missed four weeks of my life? Sure the change in the size of my abdomen was a clue but I guess I wasn't paying attention. And it explains all the tests that doctors have been doing for a week, and it explains why I have had to stay that long. I start to cry and Rory puts his arm around me, press my face to his chest and let it all flow out while we are alone. We sit like this until the sun starts to set and eventually Rory murmurs, "Prim, it's okay, we will get through this." I'm not sure if he is talking about the pregnancy, or life itself.

***Later***

I am sitting in the window seat of the upstairs guest room watching the sun set in the sky. My stomach feels warm and hard under my fingers. Rory is out of the district for the next three days. He has had to go for a meeting and it's one of those things that if you don't go you can kiss your job goodbye. And like it or not, we need any spare penny we can get.

Posy appears beside me with two steaming cups of hot chocolate. She arrived the day after I left the hospital and has been a great source of help ever since. I take a cup gratefully and go back to looking at the hauntingly beautiful October twilight.

"Are you okay Prim?" asks Posy. I nod. I remember when I was twelve. I had much bigger problems then than she does now but maybe that's not entirely fair. Your problems are important to you so what's a big problem to me, might be not be big to Posy or Rory. Posy doesn't remember our old world, and I wish I could forget, I still remember the terror of the reaping ball, Effie's scary Capitol look.

"Look you should go to bed. I know it's only six but if you don't want to go to bed then you could go and have a long hot bath and I'll cook us a meal and find us something interesting to watch on the television. Have you heard about Caesar's appearance?" I laugh and follow her advice. The bathroom is the one place where I can be alone because it's the only door that has a lock on it.

I run the bath and in a fit of extravagance I use some of the bath oils and salts that Katniss had left behind when she moved. I usually only keep them for special occasions but I feel so achey and sore that I use them without guilt.

I let the warm-hot water glide over my stomach, back, breasts - everywhere that hurts. I close my eyes and try to visualise all my worries floating out into the water. That way when I let the water run down the drain, my worries will go down the drain as well. My doctor told me this technique when I returned to district twelve, it hasn't worked once but I never stop trying.

***LATER***

The dinner plates are on the mahogany table in front of me and Posy and we are both in fits of laughter as we watch Caesar Flickerman try to keep a shred of his dignity while doing an interview. Then, while the programme is on a half hour break, we try and make chocolate brownies, which turn out to be delicious and very sweet. I teach Posy how to arrange flowers beautifully and in return, she teaches me how to crochet- something which I could never master, no matter how patient mother was.

I lie in bed that night, not crying for once. This night has shown me something - Even though there are bad days behind us and probably more in the future, there are still good days to come.

**Please review because they mean so much to me. Also if anybody has any ideas or wants anything specific to happen then please let me know, and also let me know how many Peeta fans are out there. ~ Hungergamesfan100 **


	9. Chapter 9

**Hiya you guys I might not be able to update as much because I've got loads of schoolwork and homework but I'll always try to do as much as I can. A big thanks to all my reviewers because I'm glad that you can actually be bothered to write one ! Hope you like this chapter ! **

It's almost Christmas. Excitement courses through my veins from the 1st December to the 1st January every single year. When I started having Christmas decorations about three years ago, I couldn't bear to take them down so they stayed up until March. Now,-though I still can't get over their beauty- they stay up for exactly a month.

It's the 1st today. I have all the decorations out of boxes by midday and after a quick lunch I am putting up tinsel on the walls. I remember it being a lot easier last year but then again I wasn't three moths pregnant. By the time I've put all the tinsel up I am exhausted and red in the face. In fact, I look a lot like that Father Christmas ornament that's on the windowsill. I'm even wearing red, although it's a maternity dress.

I am washing up when my worst nightmare comes to the door. Effie in a red wig with a green suit and extremely high white heels. "Hello, hello, I'm just popping in to spread the Christmas spirit," says Effie in her high-pitched voice. Her voice isn't as high as it was, and her accent isn't as strong but it's still there and still easily recognisable among the lower, flatter accents of the districts.

"Could you spread it a little quieter?" I murmur under my breath hoping she won't hear, but this is Effie, she hears everything.

"Honestly Primrose, you are getting as bad as your sister and don't even get me started on Haymitch, his house is the place where manners go to die! So anyway how are you doing ?" Effie says, in what I think is meant to be a sympathetic tone.

"I'm fine Effie, the morning sickness has stopped and-" but Effie's not even listening any more, she's too busy examining my Christmas decorations for a slight fault.

"Not bad dear, not bad at all and by the way dear, I just wanted to thank -you for my birthday present, I know I never did properly thank you."

"That's okay Effie," I say, and with that she puts her hand to her mouth, says she has to go, and rushes out the door faster than should be humanly possible with those shoes. I'm so glad she liked her present, in the end I decided to make her some perfume from the flowers in the meadow. It took me a full two days.

(Katniss's point of view )

Some days are harder than others. Some days I can't bear to face the world and stay in my bead, plagued by nightmares. But sometimes when I am mobile, I have sudden flashbacks and forget what I'm doing. It can happen at any time and I feel like I am losing my grasp on reality.

Lavina's letter brought it all back. I hadn't had any flashback for about two weeks until then. I thought I was getting better, getting stronger, finally being a good mother but then I lost it all in the space of two minutes. I can't blame anyone but myself. If I hadn't pulled out those berries in the arena then my life wouldn't be like this. Or if I had ate the berries then I wouldn't even be here and all my problems would be solved. What if I had killed Peeta ? But then I dismiss that thought as soon as it's come because I know I could never do that. I love him and I am sure he loves me but I can't help thinking what if ?

That will be the question that's going to haunt my life, _what if ?_ What if Prim's name had never been called ?, What if I hadn't volunteered? But I dismiss that thought as well, I don't regret saving my sister's life, I regret almost everything else in my life but not this. If I had to, I would do it all again.

(Prim's point of view)

The stomach cramps are getting worse. I am kneeling on the bedroom floor, the clothes I was putting away, a creased lump beside me. I am only three moths which is about twelve weeks, which means that, if I'm right, this is probably a miscarriage. But I don't want it to be, I want to have a baby now, I want the strong life inside of me to survive more than anything.

I manage to sort-of crawl to the phone in the upstairs hallway, but who to call? Who would be more useful? Who would get here quickest? I dial Katniss's number and then curse when it goes to voicemail. I dial Rory but his boss says that he has already left work, it will take him twenty minutes to get home. I finally, as a last resort, I call Effie and Haymitch.

The phone rings ten times and I am about to hang up when Haymitch answers.

"Who is it?" he barks into the phone and I can tell he obviously hasn't had enough to drink.

"It's Prim," I manage to whisper, the cramps literally taking my breath away.

"What do you want sweetheart?" he asks, his tone softening slightly.

"I need to go to hospital now!" I say through clenched teeth, my stomach twisting and burning.

Haymitch seems more alert and his voice is sharp when he says, "Hold on sweetheart, I will be there in two minutes," and he rings off.

I slam the phone back down and press my back against the wall. I try deep breathing but it's as useful as a chocolate teapot. I need to stand up because I realise I have a vest top on and it's December. I push myself onto my feet, one hand clasped protectively around my stomach, as if that will stop it. I pull on the first jumper that comes to view and stagger downstairs to wait for Haymitch, breathing deeply.

****Hospital****

I find the hospital reassuring, all the nurses calm and collected. Kathryn is the nurse that brings me a wheelchair and wheels me straight to the maternity ward. She gives Haymitch the offer of coming with me but he declines, his face a mixture of green and white. He leaves me with the promise of calling Katniss, Rory and my mother.

The cramps are so bad now I feel like I am going to faint. My skirt is soaked with blood and when Kathryn shouts to a couple of nurses to help her I feel worse. Now I know this isn't a bad dream, it's real and it's happening to me.

Later on I am half-sedated so the nurses and doctors can work without my hysterics getting in the way. I feel floaty good but there is worry that's keeping my tied to the ground. I feel sleepy but I know I won't sleep, I am still awake enough to be aware of what's going on, that right now my baby could be dying, or already dead, that I could die or ….any number of bad things could happen while I'm lying here on this hospital bed.

"Get me the ultrasound and a sonographer now!" screams Kathryn, "I can't hear a heartbeat with this damn machine but I could be broken, I hope to God it's broken." she says the last part quietly. The she looks at me and realises that I've heard every word she's said , every single word, loud and clear.

A technician comes in with the ultrasound machine and the sonographer comes in trailing behind her. She gives me a sympathetic looks and starts fiddling with wires and her technician spreads some cool blue gel over my abdomen. It's soothingly cold and I would be surprised if they could see anything on the machine, with my stomach feeling like it's twisting and turning. The move the scanner over my stomach and everyone in the room waits with baited breath for the much needed heartbeat….

**Hey, sorry I couldn't update but my mum and dad took me and my brother and sisters on a surprise holiday on Monday and I couldn't take my laptop so I couldn't write any more parts. Also could the person who wrote that I should be original and not use the words "too close to each other" please explain what they meant because I am really confused ~ Hungergamesfan100 **


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello everybody, thank you for all the lovely reviews and if anybody has any ideas of what they would like to happen or what they want my next story to be, then please tell me ! P.S don't hate me for this part :) **

There's nothing. No sound, just a hollow silence where my baby's heartbeat should be. The sonographer gently removes the scanner and wipes the gel off my abdomen, her and her technician both say, "I'm so sorry," and then shuffle all the equipment out of the room, silently. Every member of staff present in the room bows their heads and clasps their hands as a mark of sorrow.

I sit there in a stunned silence. Too shocked to move, speak, to cry, it's using all of my energy just to think. I sit there staring at something I cannot see. Kathryn comes and puts a hand on my shoulder, I can see there are tears in her eyes when she looks me in the eyes and says, "I am so sorry Prim," her voice husky like she is about cry. I want to hug her, to comfort her and tell her she has nothing to be sorry for, but I know that's not how she meant it. Instead I say in a tiny voice, "I want my mother."

I am moved into a side room, on the other side of the hospital, away from the maternity ward. But it doesn't stop me seeing the mother's -to-be or the new mothers, one's with babies in their arms or by their side in a car-seat or stroller. I envy them, they have the chance that I don't, the chance to become a mother. To be loved unconditionally, to have someone rely on you, to know you will always be loved.

A harassed Rory bursts into my room. His face is etched with worry and as soon as he sees me, he hugs me so hard that it feels like he'll never let me go. "Prim, what's wrong? I got a call from Haymitch saying you were in hospital and then I get a call from my boss saying you phoned and that you didn't sound well at all. Please, please tell me." I feel sorry for him, he doesn't know that what the nurse is about to tell him will kill him, quite possibly in the literal sense. I would tell him but I can't speak.

The nurse beckons him outside into the hallway and I can see her lips moving. He shakes his head in denial at her words and comes back in, looking like a lost little boy.

"No, NO. It's not true. Prim, please tell me it's not true. Please, please…" he pleads, his words petering out as no assurance is forthcoming.

My face crumples and I start to sob, big, great, heavy sobs. I nod. That single action is enough to make Rory crumple as well. He wraps his arms around me and I rely on his strength to keep me upright. The nurse leaves, gently shutting the door behind her. It's this action that makes me sob louder. It's this action that reminds me, no matter how much the person loves me, I will always end up on my own.

****Later***

The darkness is full of judgement. In the dark I see all the people who I could have helped or who I have hurt. I am still in hospital, in the same room, in the same bed. Rory is beside me, his arm around me, which helps me keep steady. My mother and sister are in the room next door, overcoming their differences for once and just accepting each other as a source of comfort. I would be overjoyed at this if the whole reason for them getting along wasn't based on my loss.

I have comforted mothers who have lost their child, either by miscarriage, stillbirth or a horrible twist of fate. Each time I have said _I know what your going through_ figuring that losing any family member is as horrible as losing your child, But it isn't. I hadn't even known that I'd loved my baby this much, it wasn't even a baby yet. Just a ball of tissue, organs but it was alive. It had a heart, a brain. I feel as though a part of me has died, that a piece of my heart has been ripped out. I start to heave again, thinking of the family I will never have.

"Prim is that you?" says Rory, his voice a whisper in the dark. I turn to face him and then bury my face in his chest. His chest starts to heave, so he's crying as well. I haven't heard him cry in years, not since his brother died in a electric accident in district five. But this time it's personal, we have lost something that was created with love, something that was part of us. I take a deep breath, inhaling the woodland scent of his shirt. It's the one he had on today, in the wood-shop, so it smells of pine, mahogany and all other woods. It smells like home. We fall asleep, our bodies entwined, holding onto each other for dear life.

The winter sunlight streams through the window, waking me up. I don't want it to be sunny, I want the weather to be cloudy and miserable, to match the way I am feeling. I want the whole world to stop turning because I have lost. But that would mean being selfish, and I hate selfish people. I am still in Rory's arms, my eyes feeling raw and sore. I want to say something but I can't. My throat feels like it's swelled shut and it's all I can do to breathe. I feel a sob rising in my chest, I squash it back down though, there has been enough tears.

Rory awakes. His eyes are red so God knows how mine's must look, I probably look like I've been drinking.

"How are you ?" he asks gently, putting a hand on my stomach. I gently shake my head. What I'm feeling is too big for words .

"Me too," he says, nodding. Rory starts getting up, I want to cling onto him, ask him to never leave me but he needs to work. We need money.

"I wouldn't leave you Prim, I really don't want to but I have to finish this order today or we lose the client who will give us much-needed money. Once I finish it though, I'll be back. I promise." and with that, he leaves. Gone to have a shower and work.

I understand him wanting to work. It's like a painkiller, a drug, something which helps numb the pain you're feeling inside. When his brother died, he worked crazy hours. Making items that nobody had asked for, spending ages on them, making them perfectly detailed so it took longer. That went on for about a month, until I could convince him to talk to me. I often wonder why I chose nursing as a profession. Was it because it was something I had in my blood- being my mother's daughter ? Was it something I enjoyed doing ? Was it because I liked helping people, getting to see the joy when I make them better ? Or was it because I'd rather listen and fix somebody else's pain, than focus on my own ?

My mother opens the door. I can see that she's worried about me, worried about how I'll react to anything she might say. I smile weakly to let her know that I won't bite her head off, and she steps into the room, closing the door softly behind her. Mother stands by my bedside and opens her arms, I fall into them. I crumple against her, smelling the lavender scent of her blouse. The smell of my childhood.

"I love you mommy," I cry, a name which I have not called her since I was twelve. A name that go buried with the remains of my childhood.

"I love you too," she says, rocking me back and forth. It's soothing. "We will get through this. I promise," she sounds so determined that I almost believe her, almost.

Katniss creeps into the room. She comes around to my other side and starts stroking my hair, murmuring words of comfort. I cry harder, accepting the comfort from both of them. It feels strange, both of them comforting me at the same time. It was usually only one or the other. Mother was there until I was seven, Katniss was from there onwards.

All of a sudden I can't take it anymore.

"Stop it," I yell angrily, making them both jump back, away from me.

"Stop what?" my mother asks.

"Just stop it !" I shout again, wanting to get rid of the voices that are in my head.

I look at my sister. Katniss looks like I've just slapped her, her cheeks flushed and her mouth open in surprise. I have _never_ spoken to her like that, never wanted to. But things are different now. My mother just looks weary, a look I recognise. I remember when she used to argue a lot with Katniss, she used to wear that look. No wonder she doesn't look surprised, she's used to it.

"Stop what?" she asks again, taking baby steps towards me. _Baby. _I start to cry again, feeling sorry for myself. I cry so hard that I can hardly hear myself when I speak:

"_Stop pretending everything's going to be alright." _


	11. Chapter 11

**Hiya guys, I really hope you don't hate for that last part because there s something coming up which will hopefully make up for that. If you have any ideas then please tell me either by PM or review. And as always if you like it then REVIEW it, thanks!**

My stomach hasn't gone down in size. If anything it's gotten bigger. I asked the nurse why that was and she said it was because my body still thought it was pregnant but it should go down in a week or so. That was two weeks ago.

It's the 16th of December. Nine days until Christmas. I would be excited except there's nothing to celebrate. Nothing.

I haven't left the house in days. Katniss brings me game from her hunts, fresh vegetables and plants too. Mother brings me other things, like flour, butter, soap and shampoo. Rory gives me comfort. I feel guilty taking all of these things from them but as it stands I can barely get out of bed in the morning, let alone shop, cook and get on with my life.

One day, though, Katniss bursts in to my house, unannounced. I am sitting on the Sofa reading the Capitol newsletter - the Christmas edition,- when suddenly a dirt-stained hand grabs the newsletter from my hands, leaving multiple paper cuts. I look up at the face.

"What the hell prim ? You can't stay in here all day and night - it's not good for you. You need to get out!" Katniss states, her face hard and blank.

"I don't want to," I whisper. That was the wrong thing to say, my sister just stares at me.

"Tough! Now come on, get dressed and get some money and let's go because you will be driven insane staying in here. Trust me, I know a little something about being driven insane," she says, smiling a sad little smile that only a person close to her would understand. But I'm angry now, for the second time in my life.

"NO! you can't make me go. I don't want to. I don't want to see the look in people's eyes when they look at me, I don't want people's pity and most of all, I don't want to leave this house!" I shout, breathing hard.

"I can't believe you," Katniss breathes, "When the hell did you become so selfish. I appreciate you're upset and I know it hurts but you will become a broken person if you don't leave this house. And I won't let you get hurt like that again. Never."

I sigh, not wanting to get into an argument. I race upstairs to get my jumper and a coat before going to the money tin and taking some out. Then I go back downstairs. Katniss is at the bottom, smiling, "Now that wasn't so hard, was it ?" she smirks, I just ignore her and practically pull her out of the house before I change my mind.

There is snow on the ground. I love snow, it's magical healing properties, the cold, wetness of it. _How could I have missed the snow_? I only have myself to blame, I'm the one whose not left the house for days.

The day is frosty and sharp, the wind so cold it seems to be biting me. I didn't bring my thick jacket, Katniss did, but I suspect she was hunting before she came and got me and the game back in her left hand tells me I'm right.

"So, where do you want to go?" she asks, spinning around to face me. I suddenly miss the outdoors, miss the company, I want to do everything. "I want to go and have the most expensive thing at a restaurant, I want to go and see Alfie and Jacqueline in their new house. I want to make a snow angel, I want to bake a hundred cakes and ice them by hand, I want to taste the snow on my tongue I want to live again." I laugh, throwing my hands up in the air and spinning around. Opening my mouth so pure drops of snow will fall in. I feel like I'm a child again and you know what? I'm loving it.

"Okay then, lets go do ALL of those things, but can we swing by the hob first - I need to deposit this?" says Katniss. I pretend to be annoyed but the smile on my face gives it away. I am happy, I can be happy again, I will be happy again. We set off for the old warehouse, arms linked and we do something I'd never think my sister would do - we skip all the way there.

After we come out from the hob, Katniss asks me what's the thing on my list I want to do first. I consider this for a moment, "let's go and have the most expensive meal we will ever eat," I say because I suddenly realise I am starving. I've eaten hardly anything in days. I get a nod of approval. Now we need to find out what's the most expensive restaurant here.

Half an hour later, me and Katniss are sitting "The Capitol", the most famous, and expensive restaurant in the district. It serves only Capitol style food, which I worry will be too rich. Katniss assures me that as long as I don't eat it fast and don't have too much, I will be just fine.

There are so many expensive things on the menu it's hard to choose. The most expensive turns out to be roast horse with a side of greens and potatoes. I am a bit disappointed because when I could afford expensive butcher meat it turned out I was allergic to horse - which means I can't have the most expensive meal. _Oh well_ I think and I order the second most expensive meal - Seafood soup with a side of salt and seaweed bread. Sounds quite nice and it's obviously supplied by district four. Katniss chooses the lamb stew - surprise, surprise - because it turns out to be the same price as the roast horse.

"I bet the made it expensive because the famous Katniss Everdeen loved it," I say while we are waiting on our meals.

"Probably. Did you know that I'm getting it half-price because I _am _the famous Katniss Everdeen? The waiter couldn't bow far enough, he was practically tripping over himself to please me." She laughs.

"I thought we were meant to be ordering the most expensive meal?"

"You were. I didn't say that _I _would."

That sneaky… Oh well. I wonder how I'm going to pay for this ? Then Katniss brandishes a full purse and says, "Just in case," I thank her for being prepared. She obviously thought I would use the excuse '_I don't have enough money_' whereas she has enough money (on her own - without Peeta's ) to make sure her Great- grandchildren live in comfort.

The same waiter that took our order brings our meals. Mine looks absolutely delicious and smells great too. Katniss's looks brilliant too, but I don't regret not ordering it. It may be her favourite meal and although it's good, I wouldn't class it as my favourite.

I have to laugh when the waiter bows to Katniss, he keeps saying, "Is that all miss ? Are you sure I can't get you something else?" Katniss assures him that she's content for the moment and he gets the not - so -subtle hint and goes back to the kitchens.

"I don't think I want a desert," I say, when my bowl and Katniss's plate are scraped clean. I am so full that I couldn't eat another mouthful, no matter how tasty that soup was.

"Me neither," moans Katniss, rubbing her stomach, "I am so full I don't think I can eat another thing!"

We pay the bill - which was so much I nearly passed out - and bustle out into the snowy afternoon. The merchant part of town is abustle with people, from all parts. Katniss turns to me and smiles, "So what's on the list now ?" I consider again. What would be the most sensible thing ?

"Let's go and visit Alfie and Jacqueline in their new home," I say cheerily, and set of in the direction, not giving Katniss a chance to agree or otherwise. My feet crunch on the snow and it feels like I'm leaving a mark on the world. I'm not stupid, I know that after a night of snow they will disappear, eventually everything does.

We stay at their house for a whole two hours! Afterwards we head to the bakery to buy the things I will need for one-hundred cupcakes and icing for them. We dump the stuff in my house before going into my back yard and covering the place in snow angels so there's no space left of fresh snow. The we go inside and bake the one-hundred cupcakes. While we are waiting for them to cool we watch the television and then ice them all. It's hilarious - we get icing sugar everywhere.

Eventually the afternoon ends and Katniss is leaving just as Rory is coming in. I am in the living room lying on the Sofa and I can hear them have a conversation at the kitchen door.

"How is she?" Rory whispers, his voice filled with anxiety.

"Go and see for yourself," Katniss laughs, and then she is gone, I can hear her footsteps crunching on the snow.

Rory comes through and I see the surprise in his eyes when he sees me. Well I suppose it must be a shock - when you leave to go to work your wife looks like a ten day-old corpse, and when you come home she looks like she's been connected to a high voltage power line. Yeah, no wonder he looks surprised.

"Hey honey," I say innocently, making my eyes big and round.

"Hey, glad to see you feel better," he laughs, making my day. I love his laugh.

We snuggle up on the sofa and I pray to a God I don't believe in - saying thanks for making everything normal again.

***Night***

I am pressed against Rory, my back against his chest. His warm breath tickles my neck and I sigh a deep sigh. I have just woken up and I am so sleepy, but I need to say this.

"Rory, are you awake ?" I whisper to the darkness.

"Yes," he whispers back,

"I want you to promise me something," I say, his arm pressing me closer to him, his hand settling on my thigh.

"What's that?" He says back. I need this promise, this is the only thing I want, right here, right now, forever. _He's _the only thing I want.

"_Don't ever let me go." _

**I know that was a pretty rubbish but I liked the ending. There will be a surprise coming soon, it's a good one I promise. So please review and like and follow and favourite and whatever. You know what to do : ) **


	12. Chapter 12

**Hello guys. I Want to take the time to thanks ALL my reviewers because I am so glad you take the time to tell me what you think about my story. I LOVE each and every one of you because you always manage to put a smile on my face : ) **

What's done has been done.

What's said has been said.

Christmas is over.

And now I feel dead.

A little rhyme from my childhood when Christmas was over and all the excitement was gone. Because we had to go back to normal with our working, learning and starving. It's how I feel today, the 2nd of January. All my Christmas decorations are down and the presents have been put away, I feel downcast and depressed. But this is a new year and new things will happen.

I must be putting on weight. My stomach looks like I've stuffed a beach ball under my top and I'm just grateful that's the only things which has gotten bigger, everything else is the same size. Rory has hidden all the cakes in the house so I'm not tempted to eat them but to be honest I'm not a sweet-tooth anyway. So I have no idea why I'm getting so fat.

I am lying on the couch, with my hands folded on top of my stomach. I feel so bloated it is unbelievable, like I have actually swallowed the beach ball that my stomach looks like. I decide to clean out my wardrobe. That might move some of the air that's trapped in my stomach and plus it's time consuming. It will take me until at least Rory gets home.

Two hours later and I'm standing in amongst a sea of cardboard boxes which is what I have sorted my very messy wardrobe into. They are all labelled and I was surprised to find out that most of the stuff is Rory's. At least ten of them will need to go up to the attic because there is only so much room under a king-size bed.

The attic is quite scary. I don't exactly know what's in there because in the year and a half I have lived here have never once went into the attic. I usually get Rory to do it for me but all those boxes sitting there is bugging my happiness so I will have to just suck it up and get on with it. All I know is that there boxes of Katniss's Capitol stuff up there because this _was_ her house before it was mine's.

I manage to get all ten boxes up. It takes me another hour because of the narrow opening into the attic, the big boxes and my beach-ball stomach. I am finally finished and sweating like I have run all the way to the Capitol and back. I settle myself down between two boxes to get my breath back. It takes a moment to realise that these aren't my boxes. These ones are old, faded and the hand writing on them isn't mine. These are the one's Katniss left behind.

I open the first one which is labelled **The 75****th**** annual hunger games - Quarter quell**. Inside it's all dusty and I cough several times, wafting the dust away with my hand. Then I peer inside again. There are several items. The first I come across is a pearl, perfect and round, the next is several photo's of Katniss is her wedding dresses, then there is another set of photos of Katniss and Peeta - pretending to love each other. I then come across a letter addressed to me. It was never sent. The writing on the front of the envelope says, **To be delivered after death**. It still shocks me how they used to refer to death so casually. I open it.

_Dear Prim. _

_I am not going to say much here because what I have written next will say it all. Remember that writing was never my forte so you'll understand how hard this was for me write. Please tell these people all of these things. Remember I will always love you my dearest sister. My little duck, you are the reason I'm writing this, I want you to be the one who gets my final words. Your ever loving big sister, Katniss. _

_If I die in this war zone_

_Box me up and send me home.  
_

_Put my bow and arrows on my chest. _

_Please tell Gale I did my best._

_Please tell Peeta not to feel guilt,_

_That I broke the cocoon his love had built._

_Please tell Madge she was a great friend to me,_

_I wish I never had to leave._

_Please tell Haymitch thanks for the advice,_

_I appreciate all the sacrifice_

_Please tell Effie she can cheer_

_For she'll get a better district next year._

_Go to Greasy sae and she'll comfort you_

_Please tell her thanks for all the stew _

_Say thanks to everyone else_

_I'll miss them all when I'm in death._

_Tell President Snow to burn in hell_

_For what he's doing in the quarter quell._

_Please tell mother I love her still,_

_Always have and always will,_

_And so my sister, don't you dare cry._

_Because I'm a tribute, and I was born to die. _

The letter is smudged with tear stains, I am smudging it further with my own. This is so hard to read. There was my sister, so sure she was going to die, and she wrote a letter to me telling me _not_ to cry. It has been seven years since the quarter quell. Lots of things have changed and I'm sure lots of things will continue to do so. But there has always been one constant, and that is my sister's love.

There is no other letters for anyone else in the box, only me. I suddenly feel guilty, I shouldn't be doing this. This is my sister's painful past and I'm just rifling through it like it's nothing. I gently place everything else back in the box but I put the letter in my pocket. The doorbell rings.

I dry my eyes and go answer it, ready with the excuse '_I have the cold _' if anybody asks why my eyes are red. I open the door to be greeted by a blast of cold wind. The girl on the doorstep is shivering.

"Hello?" I ask.

"Hello," she says, her teeth chattering.

"Umm can I do something for you?" I question.

"Oh yeah, this lady told me to come and get you."

"What lady?" I frown.

"Emm, well she's quite tall, has brown, long hair and has a baby on her hip." chatters the girl, obviously thinking that I would know who it was from her amateur description.

"Anything else ?" I say, my frown deepening.

"Her husband is tall with green eyes and golden hair."

I know immediately who it is. I thank the girl and shut the door, my smile so wide I look manic. I run upstairs to get my new winter coat, boots and gloves. I scrape my hair into a bobble and turn off all the lights. Then I remember with a sigh that I didn't ask the girl where they were. Oh well, there is only one place they could be.

I hurry to the square, mesmerized by how pretty the district looks. There is hardly anybody about, only a few poor souls who have to do their food shopping in this cold, harsh weather.

I stop at the door of my destination. There is a crowd of people about the yards over. I go over to see what they are all looking at. I gasp. It's Annie.

She is lying on the ground, as pale as the snow that surrounds her. Finnick is at her side, holding her hand. Annie is unconscious, her eyes closed and her mouth drawn into a tight line.

I barge past the onlookers, saying, "I'm a nurse," so they let me through. I kneel down beside Annie, trying not to look at Finnick because if I do, I will break into a thousand pieces. I spring into action. I take her pulse, at first I can't feel it but then there it is, faltering and unsteady. I open her eyelids to see if her pupils react with light but there is no such luck.

"Call an ambulance!" I scream to nobody in particular. Some random person chatters away on his phone to the operator, telling them all the details. I just sit there shaking Annie. Begging her to wake up and to not let go.

* * *

The hospital is an absolute chaos. Annie is rushed in on a stretcher while me and Finnick follow as closely behind as we can. Doctors and nurses all rush to see who the latest casualty is. I want to scream that she's not just another patient, that she someone's wife, an eight year-olds mother and someone's friend, But I can't because the only thing that coming from my throat is an odd harsh gurgling sound.

I just stand there with unspoken knowledge. Annie's heart stopped in the ambulance.

She is wheeled into a room where doctors and nurses attach all kinds of machines to her. Scary looking machines. They cut of her clothes and dress her in a hospital gown. She is not responding, moving or anything. She could be a doll.

We are asked to wait outside. Finnick starts to protest but I assure him that it's better this way. I don't tell him that it's better for the reason that he doesn't have to get upset at what the doctors will undoubtedly tell us. He sits there with his head in his hands.

"You know she came here to surprise you," whispers Finnick, "She didn't want to come and see you directly so she paid that little girl to go get you, telling her that she had to say that she had a baby on her hip. I don't know why, maybe it was to confuse you?" he laughs, a sad laugh.

"It was a lovely surprise," I whisper soothingly.

He doesn't appear to have heard me. "Then all of a sudden she grabbed my arm and just fell to the ground. I was so relieved when I saw you Prim." he says, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. I don't want to tell him that she's not better yet.

And so we sit there, comforting each other, while the snow melts off the hospital roof steadily.

_Drip. Drip. Drip _

**Hello : ) I have an idea for my next story. It's a tie between "What if Peeta came out of the games without Katniss" OR "You're a spy for the Capitol in the districts during the rebellion but then you fall in love" so tell me which one you like better pleaseee : ) **


	13. Chapter 13

**Heyy you guys : ) Hope you like this chapter and have you thought about my new story ideas, if you have no idea what I'm on about the go check out my last chapter at the bottom and review what would you would like me to write ! **

I am all cried out. There are no tears left in my system, everything's gone dry.

The funeral is held on a bright sunny day, the sky a brilliant azure blue and the sun shining bright above. Not one person is wearing black. The only colours allowed are blue, green and turquoise and purple - because it was Annie's favourite colour.

I am wearing my purple dress with a green corsage on my wrist, courtesy of Rory. Katniss is wearing a blue blouse and white skirt, and also has a green corsage. Peeta and Rory are wearing blue shirts and black trousers - Finnick made an exception for them since they agreed - though somewhat begrudgingly- to wear the shirts.

Me, Katniss, Rory, Peeta and Finnick are standing in chain at he head of the grave. Katniss is sobbing, my arm around her waist, her head on Peeta's shoulder. Finnick is trying to keep himself together but is not doing a very good job. I feel numb. I cried for days after she died, more likely weeks, and I promised myself that today I wouldn't cry, today other people need me. Katniss hasn't cried until today - the exact opposite of me.

Sudden Adult Death Syndrome- that's what they said. A sudden heart attack caused by this syndrome. Nobody fully understands what it's caused by or why it happens but it does. Why ? I want answers. I want to know why a healthy young women with a perfect family was killed by this 'Sudden death syndrome'. I want to know why !

District four is beautiful. Annie's body was immediately transported back here after she died. I feel some sort of guilt that she died in district twelve and although I know it's not a paradise, I am quite protective of it's honour. Finnick assures me that he doesn't blame anyone, although I think he is still stuck in stage one of grief - denial.

Afterwards we all go our own ways. Rory and Peeta head home, understanding that me and Katniss need time alone together. We head to the beach, a place where you are always totally anonymous.

The golden sand is ticklish under my feet and I take of my heels which are slowly crippling me. I chuck them somewhere and run wild across the sand, my arms out and whooping with delight. A slow smile eases it's way across my sister's face.

"Prim what the hell are you doing ? We've just been to a _funeral_!"she hisses but I can see longing in her eyes.

"Yeah I know, how could I forget? But Annie would want us to live and right now this is what feels like living to me. Tomorrow baking might feel like living or it could be sewing. And I will do it because it's what Annie would want me to do."

I can see Katniss considering this in her eyes. I turn away from her unnerving stare and look at the blue sea. When I turn around I see that she is halfway across the sand, her shoes in her hand, running as if she has just been set free. I join in, feeling youth course through my veins.

We stay in district four the remainder of the day. Katniss teaches me how to swim and I practise for at least two hours straight until I feel so tired that I could curl up into a ball and fall asleep. We look at all the vegetation district four has to offer, we swim some more.

We are sitting on the damp sand, it's sunset now. My head is on my sister's shoulder, we are both watching the sunset. I smell the salty sea and the faint primrose scent of the perfume my sister wears. I feel completely as ease now, no more ghosts haunting me. I don't want to go home.

*x*x*x

I feel like I have been shot. Pain ripples through my stomach and I breath through clenched teeth. I have only been back home for a week and have so many things to do. I clench my teeth and think to myself, _So this is what it's like to die._

I go to the toilet. The toilet paper is stained red.

I vaguely remember calling someone. But the house is empty. No-one is coming.

The floor tiles are cold and hard under my hands, like the stones outside after a cold wind.

The room goes fuzzy, darkness is closing in. I am afraid of the dark.

I want my mom, my sister, Rory. Their names die on my lips.

The light dies.

My head hurts. The light is too harsh in my eyes. I can hear someone call my name far away. They get closer. My eyes fly open to find three beaming faces smiling down on me.

"What is it?" I spit out, my head feeling like it's stuffed full of cotton wool.

"Prim, do you know where you are ?" asks the doctor and I'm about to tell him yes, I know, does he think I'm stupid? But then I catch the look on my family's faces and I bite back my original response. I nod.

"Good, good. Well I'll leave you all alone," he says, and directs a secret smile at me. I have no idea what he's talking about. He leaves the room shutting the door tightly behind him. Leaving me alone with the shinier, happier versions of my family.

"Well Prim, I have something to tell you," Rory begins, "Well, long story short, you're still pregnant!" he says.

"Whaaaa," I sit there stunned, not believing. Feeling the same as it did when they told me there was no baby.

"I know ! I could scarcely believe it either." Rory laughs and pulls me into a hug. Mother and Katniss make their excuses and leave. I just lie there on a slightly elevated hospital bed , watching my worries finally pour down the drain hole.

* * *

It's amazing how quickly your life can change. One day you are like a ghost, the next you are hyped up about having your first child. One morning I accidentally wake Katniss up by banging on the walls. I have to apologise profusely and after I have she walks away, muttering under her breath, "We'll see how upbeat you are when you have to get up every half hour during the night."

Despite telling myself not to hope, I find myself in the baby section of the seamstress shop. There are delicate baby shoes, tiny shirts and trousers, minute dressed - the arm holes smaller that my thumb. I find myself looking at strollers, highchairs, cots. You name it, I've looked at it.

One day I can't help myself and I buy a handful of yellow and blue babygroes. Rory and I have decided we'd rather not know the sex and while pink is specifically a girl colour, blue and yellow are relatively general. I stash them in the same shoebox I'd stashed the pregnancy test, thinking of the irony.

I receive a letter from Annie's lawyer. Apparently I was in her will and the item she has left me is attached to the letter. She has left me a beautiful silver necklace, a silver conch shell attached to the chain. A letter is attached :

_Dear Prim, _

_I know this isn't much but I know you would rather have something with sentimental value than money value. This necklace was hand-made for me and left on my doorstep by someone I never knew and now, never will. I hope you like it and apparently with a real conch shell, you can hear the sea. Good luck finding one as such things are rare and you are blessed if you find one. _

_Love Annie x x _

I feel blessed that she would entrust such a valuable gift in me. I shall wear it for the rest of my days with pride, knowing that a great friend left this for me.

I am going to do anything to keep my baby alive. I will exercise religiously everyday - although nothing too heavy because it can be bad for the baby - I will eat healthily, I will never put myself in danger, I won't argue because it makes blood pressure go up, I won't get stressed. I will do anything.

What was it that they say about good intentions ? Oh yeah, _the road to hell is paved with them. _

**Hope you liked this chapter and if anyone has any ideas then you know what to do. Also please tell me any ideas for my next story then tell me. And a big thanks to reviewer 'arrows and love' because I feel like you're my fan fiction friend and I love your stories (Check them out) and a big thanks for all your positive feedback. : ) ~ Hungergamesfan100 **


	14. Chapter 14

**Hello guys, um not much to say today.**

Not being able to see your feet in the shower is a small price to pay. I mean compare that to the joy of feeling your child move inside you, I think I'd rather choose the latter.

The first time the baby kicked I was in the bath. It had been a particularly stressful day and I'd needed the comfort of the warm water to un-knot my muscles and help them relax. The suddenly I'd felt a ripple in my belly that took my breath away. I'd pressed my hand to my abdomen and sure enough, there it was. "Rory" I'd shouted and he had rushed up, probably expecting to find me lying dead on the floor. "Press there," I'd said, guiding his hand to my abdomen. I'd pressed my had next to his and there it was. Our baby moving, a slow, lazy roll.

I realise I'd got it wrong, that when I thought I'd miscarried I was four months pregnant - I'd miscalculated because of my small stature - so now, two months later, I'm six months. I'm not a very big person and my protruding belly is enormous, I feel like a beached whale.

I'm also hormonal, which means I snap at anyone who gets too close. I actually have to sleep on the sofa because I don't want to bother Rory when he has to get up early. I snap at everyone. I snap at my doctor who tells me there is still three moths to go, I snap at my sister who is only asking if I need anything. I don't see my mother at all and wonder where she is.

Right now me and Rory are late for an ultrasound. He is rushing around trying to find his keys and I'm complaining, as usual.

"Rory, we are going to be late, hurry the hell up!" I snap, tapping my foot impatiently.

"I'm coming sweetheart," he says sarcastically and at that name I bristle. Nobody calls me that, _Never._ That's my sister's nickname - not mine.

"You know what Rory? Forget the bloody car keys," I snap, really fed-up now, "I'm so bloody big that I can just bloody roll to the hospital and you can bloody push me!"

"Whoa, Prim, Calm down. Relaaaaaax," he says soothingly, forgetting the keys and coming over to hug me. I giggle a little at his tone, "You sound like my Capitol psychiatrist."

"Well you know, that's kinda what I was going for," he whispers and leans in for a kiss. I lean in too but just as our lips are about to meet - our noses bang together. I sigh and pull him out the door, "Come on," I say and we both run out to the car.

* * *

"Oh my gosh there it is," coos Rory, we have just left the hospital and are now standing in the car park. I bob up and down, thinking that I'd much rather be in the warmth of the car than in a sooty car park on a cold February afternoon.

"Rorrryy, come on, you can look at it at home," I moan but Rory doesn't budge, still bent over the ultrasound picture that the hospital has given us. They have given us a bundle of copies, for the list of people that I'm going to send them too:

_Finnick_

_Katniss and Peeta _

_Mother _

_Hazelle _

_Kathryn _

_Haymitch and Effie _

And that means there will be two left over for me and Rory. One will go framed on the wall and the other will go into my Trinkets box.

When we finally get home we are only in there for no less than 5 minutes when the doorbell rings. I open it and find Haymitch standing on our doorstep, freezing to death.

"Well come on Sweetheart, let me in!" he grunts and barges past me. Again with the calling me sweetheart, what is it with these men?

Rory comes into the hall and I mouth over Haymitch's head, "_Get him a drink _," he disappears into the kitchen.

"So Haymitch, what brings you here?" I say cheerily, trying to lighten the dark atmosphere.

"I had to get away from Miss Capitol over there. God, she is so annoying! I mean how many table napkins does that woman need for one meal ? And don't ever get me started on her candlestick holders. They have to match the designs on the table cloth apparently. I mean who even looks at the bloody candlesticks - no I've got a better one than that. Who even _uses _Candles ?"

Wow, someone definitely needs that drink. I can sympathize with him about Effie though, she's obsessed to the point of needing serious therapy for OCD. I direct Haymitch through to the living room, although I have no idea what I'm going to talk to him about though. Maybe I'll just get him drunk so I don't need to say anything and can just deliver him back to Effie.

I sit him down and Rory comes into view with a bottle of liquor and a glass. I can't drink because I'm pregnant and Rory doesn't drink.

I offer a glass to Haymitch but he dismisses it with a wave of his hand, "Sorry but the Witch next door has made me promise not to drink anymore, and I better stick to it. Don't want to give her another excuse to have a go at me."

_Huh this is going to be harder than I thought. _How the hell am I going to get Haymitch to leave if he won't drink? But I needn't have worried, after half an hour of grumbling about Effie, he leaves. I won't take his grumbles to heart. He loves her. I can see it as plainly as I can see Rory's eyes are grey. Haymitch might as well tattoo her name across his forehead. When anyone outside our close little circle says something nasty about Effie, he's right in the other guys face, threatening him like hell. It's quite entertaining. Neither of them wanting to admit that they love each other but neither wanting to do something without the other.

Later that night me and Rory are lying in absolute silence next to each other. If we listen carefully then we can hear Effie and Haymitch talking next door. It's muffled but then there I laughing and then something that sounds like the groaning of bedsprings ….. Okay I've had enough. I turn over and pull the pillow over my head.

"What's up Prim ?" Rory asks innocently, "Can't handle the love?"

"Not when it's Haymitch and Effie," I groan and curl myself in tighter.

I hear Rory fit in beside me and he leans in to kiss my neck. But just at that moment my shoulder blade jerks back catching him on the chin. "Ow!" he exclaims.

"Oh my gosh I am so sorry," I say, sitting up. Rory just shakes his head and pulls me into him. I melt into him, lying back down, Only one emotion running through my head.

"Prim," Rory whispers, "How did you ever get pregnant ?" he sighs.

It clicks at what he's getting at and I laugh a little, "Rory, that is an excellent question," And eventually we fall asleep, Rory's last comment ringing in my ears.

* * *

It is a crisp February morning and frost seems to have covered everything including myself. I woke up this morning to find a white ghost staring back at me in the mirror.

"Morning," I say to Rory as I dump his bowl of porridge in front of him. He just grunts in reply - he's late this morning.

"Well fine, be like that," I say indignantly and start cleaning the porridge pot. I feel quite grumpy myself this morning actually. I feel like I am about to burst, my stomach stretched as far as it will go.

Rory leaves for work in a flurry so it's left up to me to tidy up his mess , I start to whine and then I realise that I'm doing it. I _hate _whining. It makes you sound like a spoiled brat.

I have just gotten dressed and am about to head out for a walk when the doorbell rings, I sigh- because no doubt it will take me ages to get rid of the person- and go answer it. The person on the doorstep… I can't describe how I feel about them. One thousand emotions run through my head, I can't describe it. A thousand images run through my head. Images I do not care to remember. Images that scare me. Images that still make me cower in the corner of the house sometimes. But although my thoughts are in turmoil on the inside, my voice sounds steady when I whisper:

"Gale?"

**HI um not much to say. I keep getting some really nice reviews so thanks a bunch for that ! **


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey guys- thank you for all the really nice reviews and I hope you don't mind when I swear in this chapter. I don't swear and I don't usually do it in writing but I think it will create a really good effect. I just thought I'd apologise for it in advance. **

He stands like a little lost boy on the doorstep. I don't know whether to invite him in or not. There are so many reasons not to but at the same time, do I really have the right to hold a grudge for seven and a half years?

Gale runs his hand shakily through his hair and I notice that his hands are not steady. I am noticing all the small details. The way his hair is parted straight down the middle, the way his eyes flicker nervously from left to right, the way he looks sad. So, so sad.

"Um, come in," I say nervously, opening the door wider, an invitation.

"Thanks," he whispers, shuffling through the door. I don't tell him where to go. He knows this house, he knows the place where we will speak is the living room.

I sit down on the sofa opposite him, looking him squarely in the eye. No more running away now. For both of us.

"Why are you here Gale?" I dare t ask. It sounds stupid but I am actually scared to hear the answer. He looks away from my eyes, staring down at the intricate detail on the carpet. I wonder what he's thinking.

"I came to say… to say… I'm sorry," he murmurs, risking a look at me.

I inhale sharply. I won't answer to that, but instead ask another question, the opposite.

"Why did you leave?"

I have struck something. A nerve which gives him the confidence to sit up straight and look me straight in the eye. He grows hard.

"I left because I was hurting people. I didn't want to hurt anyone anymore. So I left, I left - not because I was a coward or because I didn't want to face my problems - but because I knew I was hurting you and Katniss and your mother and I didn't want to be that person."

I regard him for a few moments. Does he have a wife? Kids? Or is he alone, waiting for someone.

"Katniss is married to Peeta," I state bluntly. Not attempting to cushion the blow. Why should I ?

I watch Gale wince and then he sighs, "I know, I'm happy for them," he chokes that out, "I also know that you're married to my little brother. Congratulations," he smiles tightly.

"Why the hell didn't you come to the wedding then ? Why didn't you even send a card or a gift. I could maybe understand Katniss's wedding with Peeta and all but I can't understand why you wouldn't even go to Rory's. Why didn't you even come to see Michael when he was born !" I shout angrily.

He looks taken aback, as if he's wondering where the meek little thirteen year old went. Well if he had been here then he would have seen her dissipate into thin air. Disappear like steam in the wind.

"I wasn't sure I would be welcome," he mutters.

"You should have come and found out for yourself ! Did you even go to your brother's funeral?" I shout then I really wish I hadn't. That was a low blow. I know he's done a lot of things but that was just wrong of me to say that. Tears bring to his eyes.

"Of course I went. He was my baby brother. I went, I met Rory, we had a conversation. I asked him how everyone was and he said you were all fine. How could you even say that to me? You know what Katniss would do for you," I nod, "Well that's how I felt. I miss them all so much it hurts. I miss Vick especially because he's the only one I will never see again. Never…" The sentence trails off into nothing, cut off by crying. I am crying now too. I didn't notice.

"I didn't mean that," I say softly, "It's just that I'm a bit mad that you didn't come to see us."

He looks up at me, tears clouding his gaze, he doesn't wipe them away.

"I was sure I'd be thrown out of the district, Katniss probably has hordes of people who would gladly do it for her. I remember the look in her eyes before she shot president Coin. She thought you were dead - that I had killed you - She asked me if it was my bomb and I said I didn't know. But _she _did. She hated me. Venomously. But the thing was, no matter how much she hated me, it couldn't compare to how much I hated myself."

"But what about when you found out I was alive?" Bile is rising within me. I Push it back down.

"I didn't find out until months after I left for a new district. Katniss sent me a letter. But the thing was that I still hurt you, scarred you, even if I didn't mean it. I know how Katniss's mind works, it works so much like mine. I knew how I would react if someone hurt Posy or Vick or Rory - no matter if they meant it or not. And that was enough to keep me away."

I feel sick, the room starts to sway. The images are all coming back, fleetingly but they are still there. The smell. The acrid smell that makes me choke even though it is nowhere near me. He smell exists only in my memory. But I have to finish what I started.

"Why are you back today?" I try to demand. But even to my own ears it sounds feeble.

"I….I.. I guess I just thought it was the right time. I'm sick and tired of running. And Prim, I need you to believe something. I would never hurt you, never! You have to promise me that you will believe that."

The dam breaks. Tears start pouring out of my eyes and I can't control them. It's too much. I can't relive those moments because if I do I will go insane. I can't do it anymore.

"GO ! Just go!" I cry at Gale. He looks like a little lost boy but then he turns and leaves - for the second time.

I half run, half stumble up the stairs to the bathroom, shaking so hard I can barely walk. Inside the bathroom I fumble with the lock on the door and then squeeze myself in the farthest corner, knees up to my chest - or as far to my chest as they will go- my teeth chattering. The bathroom is the place where I feel safest for it has a lock on both window and door.

I shake and cry for five minutes. Then I fly to the bathroom cabinet and fumble in there to find the phone that I keep in there for emergencies. There's one in every room in the house.

I try to dial a number buy my hands are shaking so much that it's several times before I get it right.

"Hello," the voice on the other end sounds positively chirpy.

I try to raise my voice but I can't. It's so quiet it's barely a whisper, "Please come and get me,"

* * *

"What the fuck did he do you Prim? I swear if he's hurt you I will fucking kill him," swears Rory, pacing around the room.

"Rory, he's your brother and there's no need to swear - you know how I hate it- besides he didn't hurt me physically," I say weakly from my position on the sofa.

He comes and kneels down in front of me, "No he didn't Prim but he got you into such a state. And I don't care if he's my brother," he says softly.

My sister stands behind the other sofa, her moth pressed into a grim line. I wish she would say something, anything but she has yet to speak.

"I'm going," announces Rory, taking his coat from the coat hook and slamming the door on his way out. And that is all it takes from my sister's tough exterior to crumble away. She comes and slumps down on the opposite sofa, head in her hands. She doesn't cry.

"Would it be so very wrong to say that I've missed him?" Katniss says, her voice soft and dreamy. I don't say anything because I think it's a rhetorical question .

"Because I have. I missed him. Whenever I go hunting I stop at that rock and it still feels to wide without him, even after seven and a half years. I know I shouldn't miss him, after what he did to you and for that I will never be able to forgive him. Never."

That's when I realise that Katniss is having one of _her _attacks. They are different from Peeta's. He goes violent and sees anything as a potential threat whereas _Katniss _goes into a dissociative state and just keeps on saying how things would have been different if she had or hadn't done this. She doesn't acknowledge anyone. Not even Peeta.

I still try though. "Katniss, Katniss honey. Try and wake up," I coo, but it doesn't make a difference. I could be talking to a brick wall for all the difference it makes. Her eyes have glazed over and that's when I _know _I won't get anywhere.

"I mean, what if I had never agreed to be Mockingjay? What if I had stopped you from being a nurse? What if I was _there_?"

"Katniss, wake up. Your not there anymore. You're here, in your old house," I say but she doesn't respond.

I stand up and make my way to the phone. I'm calling Peeta to come and get her. Take her home. She might wake up sooner there. Instead of being surrounded by this negative energy.

Katniss starts to cry, she's woken up now. Whenever she has an attack she sounds strangely detached, as if watching from a distance but when she wakes up whatever she feels comes back full force. It's odd the way it messes with her brain.

I comfort her as best I can but all the while my brain is on something else. _What if_. Those word will be on my gravestone. What if all this hadn't happened. Where would we be now ?

(Rory's POV)

I walk along the pavement, my face feeling as if it will crack. Nobody does that to my wife. Not even my brother.

I always knew I would have to face him someday but it always seemed far off, in the distance. When I met him at the funeral I didn't say anything, I was too busy concentrating on the coffin that contained Vick's cold, stiff body.

I was angry then. Vick had worked as an electrician in district 5 and the site where he was working had supposedly been cleared for safety by his foreman. Apparently there was an underlying problem that hadn't been addressed. Nobody else died. The anger was directed at his foreman- who'd not assessed everything properly- but as with most thing, to keep anger you need to work at it. But I grew less angry with the foreman and more angry with my remaining brother.

To say I've always got along with my sister in-law would be a lie. When I had first started dating Prim, the only words she had said to me where, "Hurt her and you will regret the day you ever laid eyes on her." and he had walked out the door. I had known her previously from our childhoods of course but when I started dating Prim our relationship changed. I was no longer seen as a safe person. To her I was a potential threat.

I understand. I have had it explained to me numerous times. But I just don't get how her sister would do anything for her. While my brother couldn't seem to care less.

**Sorry if this chapter was really boring but I needed it. It's sort of a filler chapter and the next part will hopefully be much better so sorry if this sucks and again, sorry for the swearing ! **


	16. Chapter 16

**Hello guys, this part has taken me longer than I would have liked but stuff has came up. Also, is anyone has been affected by Hurricane Sandy then you have all my thoughts and prayers, I know what it feels like. Find the strength and carry on, it's the only thing to do. Life's problems wouldn't be called hurdles if there wasn't a way of getting over them. **

(Rory's POV)

I punch him squarely on the jaw. It has been three days. Three days in which I have sat at home and let me anger grow, it feeding off my doubts. He's not expecting it, so I have a few seconds to prepare myself for the next blow.

He swings but misses and I use the opportunity to get a couple of punches to the chest. His muscles are hard, so hard in fact that my bruises instantly bloom on my knuckles. Someone's obviously been working out, which doesn't exactly help.

Gale swings again and this time he gets a bull's-eye. Right in the nose. Blood starts pouring out immediately but I dismiss it. I swing and catch him in the stomach, making him double over. He goes for me again, my head. Soon we are at it, scratching hitting, kicking. Not very mature but what do I care?

We are both winded, lying sprawled across the forest floor. My head feels heavy and thick and my nose is encrusted in dried blood. I sit up and see that my nemesis has fared worse, not by much, but he definitely has. I almost feel sorry for him.

"That's what you get when you hurt my wife," I spit at him. Then I walk away. Which shows that really, when you get down to it, I'm no better than him at all.

* * *

I don't want Prim to see me in this state but I know she will. And sure enough when I walk through the door she's all over me.

"Rory! God, where have you been I have been so worried about you?" she stops and gently takes my hand, covered in blood. "This is Gale's, isn't it?" she says softly. I nod.

Prim leads me by the hand into the living room. She sets me down on the sofa and leaves the room. I sit and play with my thumbs, like a little boy who is sitting outside the headteacher's office in school. I'm meant to know better, meant to act like a grown-up. But if you peel off all the layers, you find that we are all still children.

Prim comes back with a first aid kit, a bowl of warm water, some cotton pads and a soft towel. She takes the small stool from the edge of the room and comes and sits opposite me, placing the bowl of water on the floor and balances the other items on her knees.

"Don't move," she commands and I oblige. I've seen her like this, when there is only room in her head for her and the patient. So much like her mother.

Prim takes the towel and dips it in the water. Then she takes my wrist onto her lap and starts dabbing at them, removing the blood. When both hands are clean I see the full extent of the damage. There is ragged, blanched skin, deep scratches and bleeding cuts. My knuckles look worse than ever. A bruise an interesting shade of blue and black, is on both hands. God only knows what Gale looks like.

Prim takes the cotton pads and applies them to the scratches and cuts with a little pressure to stop the bleeding.

"You shouldn't have done that, you know?" She says, her eyes not leaving my hands.

"I had to, seeing what he did to you," my excuse sounds pathetic.

"What about what he did _for you_? He fed you single-handedly for four years, illegally. He broke the rules for you. Took tesserae for you. Fought in a _rebellion _for you. And how do you repay him ? By beating the crap out of him when all he came to do was apologise." She stops the pressure.

Where did my wife go? The one who hated Gale as much as me. The one who couldn't stand his name because she said it hurt. I say as much to Prim.

"I think… I think I never really hated him," she sighs, "I followed along with you and my sister. With Peeta and my mother. With everybody else who hated him because it was easier that way. It was easier than having to explain why I didn't hate him. It was expected that I should." She takes a bottle of purple liquid out of the kit and pours some onto a clean cotton pad and presses it onto the cuts and scratches. I flinch at the sting.

"But the truth is, I don't blame him. I don't think I ever have. We can never be sure it was his bomb, he didn't know that Coin was an evil bitch who only wanted power, who played us all, like we were nothing more than pieces in her sick little game. None of us did. We didn't know who Coin really was, that she killed and maimed innocent children. And can you imagine the guilt Gale felt. We didn't need to add to it. It's been seven and a half years and when he might finally be getting over it, you have to go and beat him like you're a world-class boxer and he's your punch bag. You can't do that." She finishes tying the bandage over my hands and starts on my nose.

My wife, the word of wisdom. She is so beautiful and stunning that it takes her breath away. Her pregnant belly only means there's more of her to love, but I don't think she'd appreciate me saying that. Six months pregnant, I can't wait. I hope she's excited too.

"Prim I'm-" I start to say, but she places her finger to my lip and shakes her head, looking me straight in the eye.

"Don't say words you feel forced into saying. Don't say them because of what I have said. Say them when you mean them. I will wait as long as it takes." She smiles a little and goes back to work.

Her words cast me back to when I was little, asking my mother when daddy was coming home. As a boy who didn't understand where his brother and his friend disappeared to everyday, coming back with food that he wasn't allowed to tell anyone about. As a little boy who always stood out because he knew things that he didn't want to know. A tear slides down my cheek, I pretend it's a tear of pain, which is actually not that far from the truth.

(Prim's POV)

"OW!" I exclaim, as my mother pushes a needle into my stomach. Today my baby is being tested for down's syndrome and spina bifida, two diseases which can affect a child's chance of life. I was worried about the effects but my mother assured me that it has been done for years and is safe.

I am alone in the room, except from my mother. Rory has had to work and although Katniss came with me, her phobia of needles prevented her from coming in the room. I can see why. That is one _really _big needle.

"There. All done," says my mother, pulling out the needle and transferring the fluid to a vial. "Off to the lab with this and you'll get the results in about a week. I wouldn't worry honey, there is an incredibly small chance of your baby having any of these diseases. I'll send your sister in." and with a light laugh, she pulls the curtain aside and leaves.

I roll over onto my side, rubbing my hand in a circular motion over my stomach. My baby is kicking like mad, obviously having the needle in its home has unsettled it. I don't like calling my baby, 'It' but because neither me or Rory want to know the sex then this is the only name. My stomach burns and I feel like my lunch is about to make a reappearance.

"Honestly, why does she give me that disapproving look. Just because she has a healers mindset." mutters my sister, pushing the curtain aside so she can come in. I sit upright and I see that Katniss's face is fuming and she's muttering under her breath. She stops though, when she sees me looking at her.

"Oh my gosh, how big was that needle? They had to knock me out when I had mine done, seriously. I woke up an hour later in restraints because the sedative made me thrash around,"

I laugh hard. It's only a five-minute procedure. I've carried them out numerous times and I always wince, even though it's not me. It makes me realise how much I miss my work, I miss treating people and making them better. I miss solving problems that are not my own.

"Calm down, it's not that funny. Seriously, Stop it, you'll wake up Michael and I just got him to sleep." she says, her eyes casting a warning glance, the glance that means, _stop right there. _

"May I?" I whisper, holding out my arms.

Katniss nods and places a sleeping Michael in my arms. He's six months old now - how time flies - but is still tiny. He has the most perfect facial features and is all snuffly because he has a cold. I love watching his chest rise and fall, it makes me more and more impatient to meet my child.

Michael opens his eyes and scrunches up his face. But then he thinks better of it and decides not to cry. Phew! If he had cried Katniss would have started yelling for sure. He looks at me, as if he's memorizing me, drinking me in with his big brown eyes. I still wonder how he has brown eyes, I mean, nobody else in the family has brown eyes, they were either blue or grey.

"Hello Michael," I coo, watching him drink in every word, "Gosh you're getting so big, but yet you're still so tiny. And you have one of the most messed up families ever."

"Hey!" Katniss says, punching me lightly on the shoulder. I just mouth _Haymitch and Effie_ and then her face softens, as if she's thinking that I have a fair point. I laugh. It doesn't matter though because Michael adores Haymitch and Effie. Especially Haymitch. And Haymitch adores Michael. He's always offering to baby-sit.

Mother comes back to say that I can leave now. She stops momentarily at the door, looking at the three of us and then she leaves. I wonder what she was thinking. It looked like she was taking a mental picture, to add them to her collection in her mind.

Katniss and I start talking about mundane things, Peeta's job, Rory's job, the weather, the baby. Eventually we move on to the juicy topic of Caesar's new appearance. I know, he has had more work done. He looks grotesque.

I notice that Michael has been silent for a while and is still in my arms. He looks like he's sleeping, aw bless. But then I notice that his skin has a bluish tinge to it. I try not to panic as I lay him down on the bed and gently check for a pulse then wave my hand in front of his nose, trying to feel his milky breath - a good smell - on my hand.

I immediately start CPR.

"Katniss," I say slowly, "Call Mother or just… just call somebody ."

"Why?" she asks, her voice escalating, with - as I can only imaging - her panic.

"Because Michael isn't breathing."

**I hope you like this chapter and if it's boring or too short then I'm really sorry. I also need ideas for Prim's baby's name. It could be a boy or a girl's name, I don't mind. But please give me ideas or otherwise it will be something really boring. Also a big shout out to Bekylou4jc for giving me an outline for this chapter! Thank you to all my reviewers ! **


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey guyyss. A big shout out to Hayffie child twins Emma & Emma for helping me with this chapter. And Emma - my faithful notes manager- be prepared for a lot of ideas. **

Four of five people rush into the room at once with a stretcher and an oxygen mask. They whisk Michael out of my arms and continue CPR. I feel utterly powerless. Katniss and I follow behind the retreating stretcher.

Michael is taken to resuscitation. My mother is among the doctors treating him and I see worry in her eyes, but she quickly detaches herself. Pretending it's just another patient. In any other situation it would work but I don't think my mother realises how much our family stands to lose.

"Someone call Peeta," I manage to choke out. At first it appears nobody hears me but then I see a small blonde-haired nurse remove herself from the crowd and head down to reception. Her face is a shade of pale green and she looks like she might cry. Obviously her first child casualty.

The big set of double doors behind me creak open and I see Kathryn rush in, her face ashen. When she sees me her eyes go big and round in her head.

"Oh my gosh Prim. What's the matter? Is it to do with the baby?"

"Not mine," I whisper and shakily point my finger towards the bed where Michael is having adrenaline pumped into him, to try and restart the heart. My vision is clouded with tears and everything is blurred.

Kathryn takes the place of the nurse who left and goes straight into action. Establishing what happened and tests that need to happen. My head hurts and I want someone to hold me but I am a big girl now and it's obvious that it's not me that needs to be held.

Katniss is biting her nails, tears making a path down her face. I want to go to her so badly but her body is taut and she looks like she's about to murder someone.

Peeta rushes in and I am surprised. He has got here faster than humanly possible. He rushes over to Katniss and she melts into his arms. I am to far back to hear their conversation but it's filled with dread. Peeta's face immediately pales and he cranes his neck. Trying to find out what the doctors are doing to his little boy.

Katniss loses it. "Prim. What did you do to him?!" she shrieks at me and from the look on her face, would have done some serious damage if Peeta hadn't restrained her by the waist.

"Katniss," Peeta says softly, "You know Prim wouldn't do anything to Michael. You know that." He tries to placate her.

"I know," Katniss cries, sinking to the floor, "I can't lose him… I … can't. I .. just ..can't. She sobs. Peeta slides down with her. Being her support, her rock.

I know what will happen if Michael dies. It will reaffirm Katniss's belief that she should never had had kids. It will make her convinced that she is a terrible mother. It will destroy our family. It will make me feel guilty for having children because my sister has lost hers.

I leave the room, unable to take this anymore.

In the waiting room I get a surprise, Haymitch and Effie. I wonder how they got here so fast, how did they even hear. I need comfort and to my surprise I run into Effie's arms. The first time I have ever done that, and most probably the last.

"Hello Honey, are you okay ?" asks Effie softly. I nod into her chest, her silk dress so soft against my face. I bring myself out of her enfold.

"So what's wrong with the little ankle biter then sweetheart?" asks Haymitch. I don't even deign to answer his question.

"Haymitch," Effie warns, her elbow making contact with his ribs. "Sorry, he didn't mean to be so insensitive. It's just that Peeta was serving us in the bakery when he got a phone-call saying there was something wrong with Michael. He ran out of there so fats that he forgot to charge us. We left him money anyway."

A thought pops into my head : Effie would be a great Mother.

"Sweetheart?" Haymitch sighs, clicking his fingers in front of my face, "What's wrong with the baby?"

I feel hot tears make tracks down my face, "It's Michael," I whisper, "he stopped breathing and… and… I don't know if he will again." I sink down into the blue plastic chairs that are nailed to the floor. That's probably a good thing because the way I throw myself down on it I probably would have tipped it over.

Out of the corner of my vision I see Haymitch sink into the chair next to me, burying his face in his hands. A slight noise escapes from his hands and I realise he's crying. I slowly get up and make my way back into resuscitation. Haymitch crying is too much to bear.

Inside the room I see Michael's little body full of wires and tubes. I see Katniss and Peeta of to the side, their faces anxious and tense. I see the small blonde-haired nurse of to the other side, pressing a tissue to her eyes.

One doctor finally stands up straight, arching his back. He directs a smile at us, wiping his forehead with the back of his head, he says, "He's back."

* * *

Me and Katniss are sitting outside in the waiting room. Michael is in for emergency surgery and Peeta, Haymitch and Effie have gone for something to eat. We are sitting in an awkward silence, Katniss having apologised five minutes ago for thinking that i might have hurt Michael.

"You know I used to be terrified to die," Katniss says from a few seats to my right. I twist around to stare at her, bringing my hands away from my cheeks.

"It's true. When I first went into the Hunger Games I was terrified that I was going to die, I feared the pain and the permanence of death." She says, not looking at me, not realising the effect her words are having. I don't say a word.

"As time went on I realised that I wasn't afraid of _death, _I was afraid to leave you."

I stare at her incredulously, "Why?"

She looks at me, "I was afraid to leave you because I didn't know who would look after you. I was afraid that mother would leave again, I was afraid that the community home would crush you like you were nothing more than a dangerous insect that needed to be squashed quickly. I didn't know who would feed you or be there for you. Hold you until you fell asleep, been there when you had woken up. Protected you."

"What about Gale?"

"Gale wouldn't have been there forever," she smiles sadly, "But I'm not afraid anymore. I don't fear death. You're not alone anymore, you have Rory and mother and Peeta and you're going to have a baby. You don't need me. I still need you but you don't need me."

Fresh tears reappear, "I need you. I need you more than anything." I whisper.

She shakes her head, tears wetting her cheeks, "No. You don't."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that everyone and everything has a time to die. Remember that." she says, getting up. She comes over to me and kisses me on top of the head before making her way to the nurses station. I sit there in disbelief, remembering her last words:

_Everyone and everything has a time to die. _

**Hope you like this chapter and sorry that it's so short and to let you know there are only 2 or 3 more chapters until prim gives birth so I'll enjoy writing those. Now I need to find out a baby girl's name that means "peace" so if anyone knows it then please tell me ! And if anyone has any other baby names then please tell me also ! Byeeee **


	18. Chapter 18

**Hello guys. A big shout-out to my best friend wish2remain-nameless for her support. Go and check out her story "Live in Fear", it's about Haymitch and Effie (she's obsessed with them) so please go and read it!**

"Happy birthday," somebody whispers, planting a kiss right behind my ear.

"Mm?" I say, rolling over and opening my eyes, to find Rory, fully dressed, leaning over me.

"Happy birthday." he says again, his smile so wide that it threatens to crack his face. I sit up straight and notice the tray with my best china on it. Breakfast in bed.

"Rory, you know I don't like breakfast in bed," I say gently, trying not to hurt his feelings. It's true though, I'd much rather get up and get my own breakfast than have to spend time in bed, eating.

Rory's smile fades. "But I love that you've went to all this trouble and breakfast in bed is perfect because I don't think I can get out the bed." I gabble on. His face lights up again as I tuck in.

"You know, Rory, we ought to start thinking of baby names?" I say, halfway through my porridge with honey and forest fruits, "What ones do you like?"

"Ermm, I'm not sure. But I think it should definitely mean something, something personal to us. For example, Ava means 'breath of life' and that could mean our baby has life. I'm not very good at explaining it but you know what I mean." he says, eating the other roll which I left on my plate untouched.

"I know what you mean," I say thoughtfully, and I'm right, I do. Our baby's name should symbolise something. I wonder if there's a baby's name that means, 'New beginning'?.

"Right." says Rory, once he's finished his roll, "Prim, get up and get dressed. We are going to celebrate your birthday." he orders, and then he leaves the room.

I sigh and swing myself out of bed, feeling like a beached whale. Honestly, I think I am way to big to be only eight months pregnant but then again, that could just be my vanity talking. I walk over to my clothes that I have laid on the rocking chair the night before. It always bugs Rory because when he wants to sit down, he ends up sitting on a pile of clothes.

I pick up the dress. It's one of Katniss's old maternity ones, turquoise with an elastic piece of material sewn to the inside of it around the waist. Cinna designed it, he added the elastic around the waist for support, you know, with the baby.

I slip it over me, and as I do so a slip of paper falls out. It takes me two minutes to bend down to pick it up and read:

_Meet me at the lake at twelve. Happy birthday little duck. _

Typical Katniss, she must have snuck in here last night and put it in the dress. Wait, our house has a security alarm because it's a victors village house, and the codes were changed when Katniss moved out and we forgot to tell her the new one. Oh my gosh. I make a mental note to warn her that you can't break in to other people's houses

It's natural that Katniss would want to say happy birthday to me when we are alone, she's not one for big celebrations.

The 21st of April. My birthday. I've never particularly liked by birthday because Katniss would always try really hard to buy me something and then I would feel guilty because I knew she would have went to so much trouble to get me it, no matter how small.

I slip on the sandals that I have taken to wearing instead of shoes because I can put them on myself and waddle downstairs. I have to take my time because it's not easy walking downstairs when you can't see where you're putting your feet.

"Rory," I call out, he appears from the kitchen and leans against the mahogany doorframe.

"I need to go out, can you make lunch for about half-one?" I ask. He looks delighted but then tries to hide it, "Why ? Where are you going?"

"I need to meet someone. A friend. What are you up to?" I ask suspiciously.

"Nothing, not a thing. Have a good time honey? I'll have lunch ready." he says quickly, too quickly. He springs back into the kitchen as I waddle out of the front door. There is definitely something up with him.

I start with a brisk waddle but then I get too hot and slow it to a stroll. It's only half past ten but by the time I get there it will be twelve. All of a sudden I'm nervous, I haven't been to the lake in years and what if I don't remember the way? Or what if I get attacked by a wild dog. _Get over it Prim, _I scold myself sharply. If I'm not careful, I'll turn into one of those people who say things like: "_Ew I can't go into the woods because I'll get attacked," "I can't go into the woods because I might get dirty," _I despise those type of people.

By the time I get to the lake I am sweating. The warm sunshine combined with the waddling with the bump has made my dress stick to me and my feet ache. I cast my eye around for somewhere to sit and I come across a boulder where, if I stretch my legs, I can dip my sweaty, aching feet into the lake.

I am just about to sit down when a voice behind me makes me jump.

"Happy 21st Birthday little duck," she says, coming round in front of me then wrapping her arms around me.

"Thanks," I say and she lets go. We haven't talked much since her words at the hospital and I feel quite awkward.

"I got something for you," Katniss says and takes a small, wrapped box from her bag. It's beautiful wrapping paper, green and gold.

"I wasn't sure whether to get you something for the baby but then I though it's _your _birthday and I'll get the baby a present when it's born," she explains as I take of the lid. I gasp. Inside is a delicate silver bracelet with conch shell charms evenly spaced on the chain. It's beautiful.

"How much did this cost?" I whisper, tears of joy coming to my eyes.

"Never you mind that. It's a gift for your special birthday, money isn't an issue," she says. Her tone is not quite a snap, not one of annoyance either but it's certainly enough to keep me from bringing up the subject in the near future.

I let Katniss help me put it on and it suddenly strikes me what it looks like, the sliver necklace Annie left me in her will. I wonder if this present was deliberate or whether it's just a mere coincidence. Whatever it is, I don't mind. I have now been given two pieces of very special jewellery by two very special people.

"Come on then," Katniss says, jumping to her feet and taking of her shoes.

"Come on where?" I moan. I have finally gotten comfortable on my boulder.

"Swimming. Trust me, it's a great way to exercise and you don't get tired as quickly. Your bump also doesn't weigh you down so you feel weightless. Come on Prim, I wouldn't make you do it if there wasn't a good reason." She pleads.

I get up reluctantly and take of my dress and other items of clothing until I'm standing in my underwear. I'm not cold though, in fact a light wind has just sprung up from somewhere, making me feel uplifted and not as sweaty anymore. My sister jumps into the lake first and I wade in after her. The water is midway between cool and warm and feels so nice against my hot skin. I start to paddle after a few seconds and I find that Katniss was right, I feel weightless and my back doesn't hurt anymore. It feels like I'm not pregnant again.

Katniss taught me how to swim when I was eleven. At first I was terrified because I had never seen a stretch of water that big and I felt sure I would drown. Katniss had told me not to be silly and had said, '_Would I ever let anything happen to you?' _the answer had been so obvious that I hadn't answered. I feel that way again, that I'm eleven years old and I can believe that she will always be there to catch me when I fall.

* * *

When we eventually get back to my house I am bone-dry. The sun is surprisingly hot for April and if it gets much warmer I might faint. Seriously.

When I walk in, the house has the dark, cold feeling of an empty fridge. Where the hell has Rory gone and most importantly, where the hell is lunch?

"Hello?" Katniss shouts out tentatively and that's when about one-hundred people jump out from various places and shout, "Happy Birthday Prim!" I scream more out of surprise than delight. Rory steps out from behind the TV -_behind the TV ?- _and comes and hugs and kisses me.

"Are you happy?" he whispers worriedly into my ear. Could he read my face that easily?

"Yes," I whisper and then I find that I'm not lying. I actually am happy. After all, this is the first and probably last surprise party I'll ever have. Might as well make the most of it.

I circulate the room, seeing former patients, my family and the dark shadow of Gale lurking in the corner.

"I invited him, after what you said. I didn't think you'd mind." Rory says by way of an explanation. I nod my head. I don't mind, it's just that I didn't expect to see him here. I'll talk to him later, I can't face him yet. Not yet.

I smile tentatively at Gale before moving on to the big pile of presents that have been arranged into a pyramid on a low mahogany table. It's perfectly symmetrical and I think I know who was in charge of organising this get together. Just then there is an ear-piercing cry of, "Who actually _sits _on Sofa cushions anymore. Everybody knows they are just for decoration."

I whirl around, "Hey Effie," I say brightly, putting on the widest smile I can.

"Hello Primrose. Are you enjoying your birthday celebrations? You know how much I love parties!" She says, giving me a quick hug.

"Eh Yeah, thank you," I say, puzzled by her words. It's _my _party, not hers.

"Excellent!"

Effie's wearing a soft pink dress with a wig to match. Her make-up is not as caked on and she actually looks quite normal - well, when I say normal, I mean as normal as Effie get's, normal compared to the other Capitol citizens.

I make my way over to the food which looks and smells wonderful. It is more finger food than a meal and I find my favourite sweet treat of all time - meringues ! I grab three from the plate and hover close to the table after I have devoured them, so I will always be able to have more.

I spy Gale, still in the corner. Grabbing a few more meringues, I head over to him. He looks old, old and sad, not a very good combination. I try to speak but no words come out, I clear my throat and try again:

"Look, Gale, I am so sorry for treating you the way I did when you came. I was just so nervous and…. Well, I shouldn't have spoken to you the way I did. I am sorry." I feel so bad, looking at his face. It casts me back to fourteen years ago when my father died, that's how my mother looked.

"It's fine Prim. I deserved every word. There is no need to apologise." He says sadly.

"There is," I cry insistently, "I was wrong and I am so sorry. You can't hold the past against someone and I should've known that." Unable to take the tension anymore I fling myself at him, holding on tight. The effect is greatly ruined by the massive bump protruding from my stomach.

He slowly closes his arms around me and I feel young again, that everything I all right. Nobody will ruin this moment.

"What was that for?" Gale whispers into my hair, his breath tickling my scalp.

"To make you see that things can change, that they can go back to the way they used to be. It can be different," I reply, inhaling deeply before pulling myself out of his embrace. I look up at his face. It's a magical transformation. He looks young again, he looks his age (a good thing ). He smiles at me and I can see something which has probably not been there for many years : hope.

Somebody wheels a birthday cake through. I almost die of embarrassment when everybody starts up a chorus of '_Happy birthday' . _The cake is chocolate with the words '_Happy Birthday Prim !' _in white chocolate icing. It looks an smells amazing, I want to cram it all down me but I do have some self-control and refrain from doing so. Barely.

Everybody claps and cheers and somebody cuts me a piece and hands it to me. I inhale the deep chocolaty scent before digging in. God, this is so good. Obviously made by Peeta.

The party is in full swing when I feel a stab of pain sear through my abdomen. I ignore it initially but as they keep on coming I start to panic _Keep calm Prim, it's probably Braxton-Hicks contractions,. _Then there is a pain that feels like I've been shot and the other voice in my head tells the first one to shut up. I sink down onto a chair not so gracefully and try to work out my options. I need to get rid of all these people.

I stagger back up again and waddle my way over to Effie. I motion for her to bend her ear down until it's beside my mouth.

"Effie, I need you to get rid of all these people, I think I'm in labour," I whisper furtively. I hear her try conceal a gasp of surprise before shouting to everyone, "Everyone, please listen up. Now poor Primrose here is extremely tired so I need you all to leave. Sorry for spoiling the party but Primrose does need her bed rest. Now chop-chop everyone, please say your goodbyes and leave." She commands.

Effie leaves my side to take position at the door but before she does she gives me a secret wink. I feel much closer to Effie now, closer than anyone would possibly understand.

I smile weakly at everyone. I watch Rory weave his way through the crowd before coming to a stop in front of me.

"Prim, what is it?. Are you okay?"

I shake my head, "Rory, I think I'm in labour," I breathe in sharply as another contractions ripples through my body.

"Oh my god. Right, Prim, can you follow me upstairs, we need to get ready?" he asks and as I nod he starts to walk, me trailing behind.

In our bedroom I start to freak out. "Oh my god Rory, what the hell am I going to do? We haven't furnished the babies room yet, got a crib, got a stroller and it's Too Soon !" I shout.

"Too soon for the baby to be born?" Rory asks, a quizzical look on his face as he tries to pack an overnight bag.

"Not just that. It's too soon for everything. I'm not ready to be a mother, I'm not ready to give birth," I wail.

"Well It's a bit late for that Prim. Look you will be fine okay? I promise." he says and continues packing the bag. I sigh in frustration and help him because it's better that way. Two is better than one.

We have just finished packing the bag when I realise I haven't had a contraction in thirty minutes. "Rory, you can put the bag down, it was Braxton Hicks." I sigh, I was more than ready to get rid of this bump.

He sighs too and dumps the bag into the cupboard. I had warned him about Braxton Hicks. There is still about three weeks to go.

* * *

I lie in bed than night surrounded by doubts. First thing tomorrow morning, me and Rory are going shopping for baby items, I do not want to be caught out like that again.

I'm scared by my words from earlier, where had that come from? I want to be a mother more than anything. Was that just nerves talking, or was there something more sinister behind those words.

They circle around in my head ;

_Toosoontoosoontoosoon _

Like train wheels on a track that's going absolutely nowhere.

**Hello guys. I know for a fact that this chapter was long and boring and tedious so let's get that cleared up (Kirsty !) Bye guys and I'll hopefully have the next chapter up soon. !**


	19. Chapter 19

**Hello guys, the next few chapters are going to contain lot's of fluff. Now as you may or may not know, I HATE FLUFF! Don't get me wrong there are some good stories on here that contain lot's of fluff but I hate writing about it. But I think that since Prim is having her first child and is super excited about it, I think it should contain some fluff. By the way, the name of the baby won't be revealed until next chapter so there's plenty of time to vote on my poll, PLEASE DO IT ! Thanks xx **

My forehead wrinkles in concentration as I try to figure out how to wrap this present. It's Katniss's birthday tomorrow and I'm trying to work out how you would wrap a mahogany bow and arrow quiver. I could wrap it with paper but then you could tell just by looking what it was.

I feel exhausted. My due date is next week, the 14th so a week today. I really want to go into labour now, I am so tired and sick of heaving around this bump. The heat is unbearable and lately all I've been wearing is flimsy maternity dresses with sandals, my hair in a bun so it's gets it off the back of my neck.

I plonk myself down onto the sofa and bring my sewing out of the basket that's at my feet. I'm quite proud of it actually, it's a green play-suit with little frogs embroidered at the bottom. My mother is a great seamstress, I'm mediocre at best. This little thing has taken me the best part of two months thought it helps me take my mind of things.

There's a sudden knock at the door and I struggle to my feet to answer it. It's Peeta with Michael in his arms.

"Hey Peeta, Hey Michael," I say, opening the door wider so they can come in.

"Hi Prim," says Peeta but he looks nervous, I wonder what about. He steps in, carefully wiping his shoes on the doormat even though they're so shiny I can see my whale of a reflection in them.

"Just go through to the living room. Want anything to drink, lemonade, tea ?" I ask, saving my other question for later.

"Um Lemonade will be fine thanks. Oh and Prim, would you mind putting some water in this?" he says, digging a non-spill toddler cup out of his pocket and handing it to me.

"Sure," I say and head to the kitchen.

"So Peeta, why're you here?" I ask, trying to sit down in a dignified way. It's not easy.

"Well, erm, you see, It's Katniss," he blurts out, "She's in a really bad mood today and has a permanent scowl on her face. She's just slammed the door and gone of to hunt in the woods." He looks so sad, I wonder why. It's not his fault my sister is a bad-tempered person.

"Oh dear. D'you know why?" I enquire, taking a sip of my lemonade.

"It's because I asked her what she wanted for her birthday," he sighs while bouncing Michael up and down on his knees because he's starting to grizzle

"Yeah, Katniss doesn't really like her birthday, she just sees it as another day she has to work through. It's because she had to take tesserae on her birthday. Can I hold him?" I ask, holding my hands out to receive the now, nine month-old Michael.

"Come here my sweet boy," I coo, placing him gently on top of my bump. It's like he has his own little seat. It's so funny that I motion for Peeta to take a picture with the Camera that's sitting on the table next to him.

"So what did you get Katniss for her birthday?" he asks, still laughing.

" A mahogany bow and arrow quiver. Effie provided the mahogany and I got Rory to make it. I always wonder why Effie has that much mahogany in her garden shed," I say, "What did you get her?"

"I've made her a huge box of cheese-buns and then there's a personalised picture frame and a dress from Michael."

Michael stares at Peeta at the mention of his name, "But Katniss hates dresses, never wear them," I say bewildered.

"Ah but I'm hoping she'll wear one for when I take her on a surprise birthday treat tomorrow. Now sorry Prim but I really must go and sort something, do you mind if I leave Michael with you for an hour or two?" he asks, standing up.

"Of course not, have fun with whatever you're going to do." I say, waving goodbye. Michael waves too. It shows that us adults should always behave and respect others, because children are more aware than we think.

* * *

"Hello honey, I'm home," says Rory, coming into the kitchen.

"Hey," I say, paying more attention to the pasta on the stove than him.

"What? No hello hug or kiss?" says Rory, putting his arms around me.

"Sorry, I'm just a bit preoccupied with this dinner." I apologise.

He huffs and sits down at the kitchen table, flicking through the new Capitol newsletter - spring edition. There are some pretty ridiculous outfits in there, like the model dressed as a baby chick. That's what they wear on a day-to-day basis, not just for photo-shoots.

"Rory, I need to go to the toilet, can you keep stirring this sauce?" I ask, hopping up and down.

"He is up like a shot immediately, "Do need help?"

"No!" I snap, stalking off. I feel heat rush to my cheeks. I want to preserve at least some of my dignity. If I can't go to the toilet by myself then I may as well shoot myself.

I come back down to find that Rory has turned the stove off and left a note:

_Sorry Honey but something has come up. Love you xx _

Great, I huff and plonk myself down onto the kitchen chair. Alone again.

* * *

It's when I'm sitting on the sofa watching the news that I feel a _pop _from down below. Almost immediately I feel a gush of water from between my legs. It's Too soon, for real this time, this is not just me freaking out. I'm on my own in the house at seven' o'clock at night and I've just gone into labour. There is only one thing going through my head at the moment, _Oh crap. _

"HAYMITCH ! GET YOUR LAZY ASS AWAY FROM THE LIQUOR CABINET AND ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE!" I scream at the voice that's telling me Haymitch Abernathy is not available at the moment and I should please call again. The phone rings back almost immediately.

"You called?" Haymitch says dryly, I swear if I could read down the phone and strangle him, I would.

"Haymitch, I've gone into labour. I need you to take me to hospital," I say through clenched teeth.

"Emm, okay I'll…I'll be right there," he stutters and hangs up. I smile a little at the panic in his voice. He was my last resort. Katniss would be out on her usual pre-birthday hunt, she always does it every year. Hunting until midnight. Peeta was going to do some shopping and wouldn't be back until eight, and we live forty minutes away from the wood-shop where Rory works.

Haymitch bursts through the door, picks me up bridal style - it was lucky I had my bag in my hand - and runs to the car. He practically throws me into the passenger seat and drives away to the hospital at full speed. The water is practically gushing out of me, the two towels between my legs absolutely soaked.

At the hospital I am given a wheelchair to sit in and am wheeled down to the maternity ward. I feel so much happier than the last time I was here, given it was when they told me my baby was dead. I see Kathryn on the way there. She promises me she will see me later.

The nurse that's pushing me seems to be more frightened than I am. Her knuckles are white on the handles and her face is pale. I feel like telling her she's got nothing to worry about, that I'm the one in labour, not her. She drops me off in a private room where a friend - Jacky - is waiting.

"Hello Prim, finally in labour I see. Well if you just want to get changed into this gown and then I'll see how far along you are." She's acting all professional but that's only because I can see matron lurking in the background. There's a familiar glint in her eye that lets me know she's dying to tell me something.

I get changed and then lie down on the bed, feeling myself sink into it. I have to put my legs up in the stirrups and I try to focus on the painting above the door, not the fact that Jacky is putting various objects into my cervix.

"Well Prim sorry to disappoint you but you're only four centimetres dilated. Still a while to go I'm afraid," she says sympathetically, patting my bump on her way out. I flop against the pillows. I have a feeling it's going to be a long while before this baby's born.

I then bolt upright. This baby has to be born tonight, if not then he or she will be born on Katniss's birthday and I can't have that. It would just be all wrong, so dreadfully wrong. I try to ransack my brain for ideas on how to kick-start labour or to make it go faster but no ideas are forthcoming This will be one hell of a night.

Mother comes in and I hold out my arms, wanting her hug. She seems surprised but then folds me into her embrace. I can't imagine what it must be like to be her, imagine your own child giving birth. It gives me the chills just to think of it.

The contractions are getting worse, I'm sure I'm more than four centimetres. I call Jacky in to check.

"You're right Prim, but your now only five centimetres. Try and sleep, it will pass the time. Is there anyone I can call for you?"

"Yes, you can find out where my husband has got to," I say with annoyance. Honestly. Where is he.

She leaves and I pull the duvet over me and try to sleep. It hard though, the shooting pains in my stomach making me curl into a tight ball until I no longer feel the pain. Endorphins, the body's natural painkiller. They take you somewhere where the pain can't find you. Eventually, I drift off.

I am awoken by the urge to push. I look at the bedside clock and it tells me that it's eleven now. So it does look like that my baby will have the same birthday as Katniss. I call in Jacky again to tell her I need to push, the contractions coming in short, sharp bursts.

"Yes! Prim, you are ten centimetres. I officially give you permission to start pushing." She cheers and calls to some other nurse. They come in with an obstetrician, two nurses pushing a cot, piled with blankets inside.

The obstetrician takes her place on a stool at the bottom of the bed between my legs. "Prim, I want you to push as long as the contraction lasts and push hard," she orders. The first contraction hits and I start pushing. It's hurts.

"That's it, right you can take a break," the obstetrician says. I brace myself for the next contraction to hit. I feel sweat start to break out on my forehead and somebody comes over with a cool, damp towel and dabs it across my forehead. I can't see who it is, my eyes are scrunched up.

I push with all my might and when the contraction fades I push myself back against the pillows, wanting nothing more than to fade away. Then another contraction comes back and I push.

"Where. The. Hell. Is. Rory !" I scream, wondering why Rory isn't here. I whimper because it hurts so much.

"Come on Prim," encourages Jacky, "you only need to push once more and you will have a beautiful baby." Just as she says that a dishevelled Rory bursts into this room.

"I'm so sorry honey, once I got the news I was so freaked out that I fainted and I just woke up ten minutes ago."

I'm so intent on getting this baby out of me that I hardly hear him. Eventually I hear a thin wail and open my eyes to see my little baby being placed on my chest.

"It's a girl," Jacky cheers.

"Hello little baby," I whisper, drinking in all her perfect features. "Rory, look how perfect she is," I start to tear up as he takes her in his arms. He looks like he's crying.

The obstetrician clear her throat and looks at us gravely, "Prim, did anyone ever tell you that you were having twins?"

My jaw drops open, this can't be possible. I shake my head. Rory though, doesn't appear to be having any trouble talking, "Wait. First you tell my wife that her baby is dead, and then you tell her she was pregnant with _twins ?_"

"These things do happen. When your wife had her ultrasound, one baby may have been hiding behind the other and that was why we wouldn't have been able to pick it up. Get ready Primrose, you will have to push again in a minute." She says, turning back to her colleague .

"Rory," I whisper and he brings his ear down next to my mouth, "we haven't got enough things for twins," I whisper anxiously.

"I'll take care of that," he says and rushes away. I sit up again and get ready to push. This time is much quicker, easier and less painful. Half an hour later I am sitting with my two baby girls, one nestled in the crook of each arm.

I look down at their Rosy complexions and see a delightful mixture of me and Rory. This has all been worth it, I had wanted to be a mother more than anything and now I am, it feels like my life is perfect. It's now five' o' clock in the morning and dawn is just beginning to break over the horizon. I look down at my children again and whisper:

"Hello, I'm your mummy, and I won't let anybody hurt you."

**Hope you like it. I know it's not very good though, I'm terrible at writing fluff, mainly because I don't like it. So please review to tell me what you think, it can be a bad review as well. Tell me if you hate it, I would rather know than not know. Seriously, you won't hurt my feelings. **


	20. Chapter 20

**Hello guys, baby's name will be revealed in this chapter so I hope you all voted !**

I am woken up by someone gently shaking my shoulder. I try to sit up and then moan with pain because of the stitches. I open my eyes and see all of my family. Mother, Rory, Katniss, Peeta, Haymitch and Effie. They all look so happy, I wonder why and then remember, _My babies. _

"Morning sweetheart, or afternoon, I should say," chuckles Haymitch.

"Mm ?" I say, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

"It's three' o' clock in the afternoon." Mother explains.

I don't answer, just let my eyes travel to Rory who's holding our two beautiful girls. They are so adorable that I don't want to take my eyes off them. Then I remember, it's Katniss's birthday today.

"Happy birthday," I say, "Sorry the twins were born on your birthday."

"There's no need to be sorry. I like it. At least this way everyone will stop going on about my birthday." she smiles, directing a warning glance at Peeta. He takes the hint and doesn't mention what happened yesterday. I wouldn't either.

I hold out my arms for my two children. I can't stop looking at them. I settle back against the bed covers, looking at how far I've come in nine months.

"Prim, I have some news for you," says my mother and I can tell from her face and tone of voice that it won't be good.

"Well, because of the burns you sustained in the rebellion, and of the scar tissue. I'm afraid you can't breastfeed. I'm so sorry Prim." She says gravely, her eyes full of sorrow.

This doesn't hurt me as much as I thought it would. True, I had always wanted to nurse them myself, breast milk is healthy and makes them stronger. But now I have the twins in my arms I find that I don't really care. It just makes me feel the tiniest bit sad that I won't be the only one who will be able to feed them. Someone else will be able to.

"May I hold one of them?" asks Effie, surprisingly quiet. I think somebody's told her that you need to be quiet in a hospital. I hand over my beautiful baby girl. She's so tiny, she's not even twenty four hours old yet.

"Hello baby, I'm your Auntie Effie." She whispers, her eyes full of tears. I almost tear up seeing her and Haymitch bond over my little girl. It reaffirms the idea in my mind that her and Haymitch would be great parents. Not that you'd catch me telling them that.

"Right, I think we should leave Prim and Rory alone now." says Katniss, her voice leaving no room for argument. It always amazes me how she can do that ; make people do things without making her tone of voice sound stern or annoyed. It's strange and wonderful.

Effie hand the baby back reluctantly and trails after Haymitch out the door. The moment it clicks I let out a sigh, peace at last.

"What do you think we should call them?" whispers Rory, sitting down on the chair that's beside my bed.

"I liked that name you said, Ava. I like that it means "Breath of life" it's quite a fitting name."

"What one should we call Ava?"

"I don't know, they both look the same. They both have blue eyes at the moment," all of a sudden, one lifts up her little fist and taps me on the arm.

"Aw Rory, I think she like that name." I coo, laughing a little.

"I think you're right. Let's write her name on her tag." he says and does so. They both have this little band around their wrist. It will help us know which one is which until they start changing. Ava. She suits that name.

"What should we call her sister?" I say, I can't have Ava having a name for too long without her sister having one. It's just not right.

"How about one that means 'Peace' ? I think that would be good, after everything that's happened," suggests Rory, stroking her soft baby cheek.

" I like that," I say softly, "how about 'Serena' ? I know for sure that means peace."

"That's a beautiful name. Welcome to the world Ava and Serena."

* * *

It's a further two days before we are allowed home. The moment I step through my front door with one car-seat in my hand I sense that everything will be different. Here comes the sleepless nights, the 2am feeds. But also here comes first smiles, first words, first laughs and first looks.

Rory comes in after me, holding Serena's car-seat. He sets it down beside Ava's and kisses me on the cheek. Then he kneels beside the twins and whispers, "welcome home."

We get to work straight to work. Sorting out baby clothes, the twins' room. Effie and Haymitch gave us a two lovely mahogany cradles with doves carved along the side. We got Peeta to paint the room which is a lovely cream colour with a border of teddy bears halfway up the wall. We have two changing tables, two wardrobes, two sets of drawers, two baby baths. Essentially two of everything.

It's not just the spare room which has changed, the whole house has. The cradles are in our room for the moment. The living room has two more cradles - though these are ones Rory made from pine at the wood-shop. The kitchen has almost thirty bottles on the work tops, two bottle sterilisers and ten boxes of baby formula. The bathroom is full of rubber duckies and baby shampoo, baby soap and the softest sponges you could ever imagine.

* * *

"Rory, wake up. The twins need fed." I moan tiredly, it's his turn. I was up last night with them.

"Wha- . No Prim, you do it, I need to sleep," he groans, still half asleep.

"I need to sleep too," I hiss into his ear but I get out of bed anyway and head over to the twins' cot. "Hello my sweet girls. It's okay, I'll feed you. You're daddy obviously doesn't love you enough," I soothe and pad downstairs to the kitchen to heat up two bottles. I could really use Rory's help - I'll have to feed them one at a time which is a lot harder than it sounds.

By the time the twins have been fed and changed it's three o' clock in the morning. It has taken an hour. I am too exhausted to sleep. I just lie there staring up at the white ceiling, waiting for the six' o'clock feed..

* * *

It's a bright May Thursday morning, the 15th, the twins are exactly one week old. Katniss and I are sitting in the living room, talking about sleepless nights. Michael is on his play mat, surrounded by bright shapes and colours. Ava and Serena are sleeping in their cradles at the window. Yesterday I got one tiny smile from each of them. From the way I carried on you would have thought that I had just won a ton of money.

There is a knock at the door. Katniss shouts, "Come in!" and Effie totters in, trying to walk in a dignified way with her ten inch heels.

I'm not surprised Effie is here. She has tried to visit as much as she can over the past week, unable to stay away from the babies.

"Hello Effie," I say politely, trying to stifle a laugh because of her new wig colour. White, because I told her that she couldn't visit the twins with shocking pink hair. She would make them have a hear attack, or at the very least a panic attack.

"Hello my dears. I was just popping in to see the children, I hope you don't mind." I don't even have time to say anything before she's right over at the cradles, cooing and stroking their hair. There's something wrong with Effie, she seems so much quieter and - I hate to say it - nervous. Effie ? Nervous?

"Effie, come and sit down. Have some lemonade, the weather is so hot," I say, trying to act nonchalant. Katniss just sniggers and rolls her eyes. I'm obviously not very good at faking nonchalance.

"Yes, thank you. I also came over to tell you something. Something, that has… left me rather confused." She says, her eyes darting from left to right.

"What is it Effie ?" Katniss and I say in unison, both dying to know what she has to say.

"Haymitch," she takes a deep breath, "Haymitch Proposed."

**Hope you like this chapter. Sorry it's not very good and sorry it's so short, I am actually terrible at writing fluff. Byee! **


	21. Chapter 21

**Hello you guys, hope you liked the baby names I picked - there were loads and it was really hard to choose but there will be middle names- even then, sorry if your name didn't get chosen. There might be other children so you never know!**

Oh. My. Gosh. Haymitch Proposed? _Haymitch proposed? _I can hardly believe it. So much for all his talk on never getting married and having kids.

"When did he-," asks Katniss, gesturing with her hands to the small, delicate diamond ring of Effie's finger.

"He just did. Afterward I came straight over. What should I say? Yes or no?" She asks, fiddling with the ring.

"Wait, you haven't given him an answer?" says Katniss. I shoot her a warning glance, you need to be sensitive around Effie. She scowls at me, goes and picks up Michael and disappears into the kitchen. Some things never change.

"Well, Effie, do you love him? Because if you don't then you shouldn't say yes. You know that." I say gently, looking her straight in the eye. She drops her gaze and keeps on fiddling with the ring.

"I… I think I do… love...him, I mean." She says, stuttering her words, wondering how I'll react.

"Aw Effie, I am so happy for you. You'll need to start planning right away," I say, pulling her in for a hug. She seems to get even more nervous at public displays of affection.

"What did she say?" Katniss says, peeping her had around the door, Michael copying her action.

"I thought you didn't care," I mock frown, "She said yes !" I cheer, doing a happy dance around the living room. Katniss brings Michael over and joins in , her grey eyes a sparkling silver, her mouth in a smile with laughter coming from it. It's amazing what the word yes can do.

Effie still looks uncomfortable. I remember when she was planning Katniss and Peeta's 'wedding' eight years ago - just before the quarter quell. She was so in control and so sure of what she had to do. How come she can plan stranger's wedding's with no difficulty but when it comes to her own she looks shell-shocked.

Though seeing us dancing like lunatics brings back the old Effie. She gets up and teeters around the living room in her high heels, a natural smile and laugh coming from her. Then she seems to regain her senses because she excuses herself and runs next door, a delighted laugh coming from her as she considers her good fortune.

Katniss and I settle down, sinking back down onto the sofa. We only have to look at each other, and then we start laughing hysterically all over again.

(two days later)

I am so tired. My body feels leaden as I trudge downstairs to answer the doorbell. I could really have used this day to sleep, Rory having a day off to look after the twins, but no such luck. There are things that I need to do, places to be and people to see. What a wonderful world.

I fling open the door and am just about to tell the person to go away when I train y eyes on the person's face - it's Finnick.

"Hiya," I say, suddenly finding a burst of energy to speak.

"Hey Prim. I thought I'd come and visit your two beautiful new children. I wanted to see them sooner but I had to fit it in with the work schedule," he sighs then smiles brightly. I step aside to let him in. I can't tell _Finnick _to go away, I mean, it's just over four months since his wife died. I owe him something.

"They are over in the cradles by the window. I did mention in my letter to you that it was twins right?"

"Ha-ha, yeah, you sure did. I was so happy when I read that. I just dropped little Finn at Katniss's house, do you mind if he comes over?" He says, turning to me briefly before peering in the cradles.

"No not at all, I'll just send Rory to go and get them, " I say, and at that Rory quietly slips out the front door and walks to the house next door. "Might as well go and get Effie and Haymitch!" I shout at Rory's retreating figure. He shouts something in reply, not turning around .

"So which one is which?" says Finnick in awe. I'm so happy he thinks my little girls are beautiful too.

"Well, the one with the slightly darker hair is Ava Hope Hawthorne. And the one with the more blondish colour is Serena Lilly Hawthorne. Ava means 'Breath of life' and Serena means 'Peace'. Those things are important to me." I say proudly, whispering more closer to the end. Finnick will understand, he always does.

"And their middle names?" he asks, smiling.

"Well you know what hope means, and Lilly means 'Pure'."

He gets it and doesn't ask why me and Rory chose those names. I come and stand beside him, watching the twins take little breaths in their sleep. All I can think is how lucky I am.

* * *

We are all sitting on the couch - literally, _all _of us. There is Finnick, little Finn, Mother, Hazelle, Posy, Gale, Haymitch, Effie, Katniss, Peeta and Michael. We are all here to discuss Effie and Haymitch's wedding plans. Hazelle, Gale and Posy are also here from district four to visit the babies.

"Well I was thinking around four-hundred guests for the actual ceremony and around six-hundred for the reception," warbles Effie, big fat binders sprawled across our Coffee table.

"_Six Hundred?_" Haymitch splutters, choking on his drink of water. No alcoholic beverages of any kind, not now that he's marrying Effie.

"Well yes dear," Effie sighs, placing a placatory hand on his shoulder.

"Effie, you don't even know four hundred people, never mind six hundred," he grumbles, placing his crystal glass of water on the table.

"Well, no personally I don't. But I need to have all the Capitol reporters there _and _fashion designers. Plus there's my friends, your friends and all of you that are sitting at this table, you are all invited." Effie cheers, kissing Haymitch on the cheek. He softens immediately.

"Fine, but who's going to be paying for all of this. Because let me tell you, if I'm paying for dinner for six hundred people then you and me will be getting married in a field, just the two of us," Haymitch states and I can see he's deadly serious.

Effie gasps, her moth hanging open like her just told her they were going to strip naked in front of the entire Capitol for their wedding. "Well no dear, the Capitol will be paying for it. Us escorts live our lives all-inclusive," she laughs her dainty little laugh.

"Okay for some," mutters Haymitch under his breath. Effie turns away and I can tell she chose to ignore his comment.

"So Effie, what style of wedding dress are you thinking of having?" asks Hazelle in her soft voice. That helps dispel a lot of the tension that was beginning to form.

"Something big and something I can flaunt. Something the whole of Panem will remember me by," says Effie enthusiastically.

_Oh no_. I groan and sink my head into my hands. This just makes me think of the models dressed as baby chicks in the Capitol magazine. I'll bet all I have that Effie's dress will be something big and flamboyant, something that she will look perfectly ridiculous in.

"Effie, I was just wondering, Will you wear a wig for the wedding or will we get to see your natural hair?" asks Katniss in a pondering voice. The way she has said it, I know she was just trying to wind Effie up. It has the desired effect.

"Of course not dear. All of the top Capitol reporters will be there, I cannot possible have my own wedding while looking like a fool." she exclaims, throwing her hands up in the air.

"But don't you want to look natural?" Katniss asks innocently.

"Darling," Effie says, leaning forward and patting Katniss on the knee, "this _is _Natural."

We all burst out into hysterical laughter. Effie, however, fails to see what is so funny."

* * *

"Oh my gosh Prim, they are so beautiful, can I hold one of them ?" exclaims Posy, reaching out to stroke Ava's hair.

"Sure," I laugh, "What one?"

"Erm, this one. What's her name? Ava." she smiles brightly.

I gently lifts Ava out of her cradle and into Posy's arms. She walks over to the sofa and sits down. A girl of thirteen winters. She is such a beautiful child. Curly dark hair, Silver eyes and a lovely olive skin tone. So optimistic as well, not too happy but just the right level of shiny.

"Can I hold Serena?" Hazelle asks, holding her arms out to receive my beautiful child. I gently place Serena into her expert arms. I see Hazelle's eyes light up ant the bundle in her arms. I feel the pain of what she has lost, what can never be replaced.

I turn away from the happy duo, taking in my surroundings. Rory and Gale are whispering somewhat suspiciously to the side. Katniss and Finnick are laughing about something that only the two of them will ever understand. Little Finn is playing with Michael, _aw. _My mother, Effie and Haymitch are discussing wedding plans, or a better description would be 'heaving a heated argument'. Something about feathers?

Posy hands Ava back to me and skips off to play with Finn and Michael. Hazelle asks if she can switch children so I let her put Serena back into her cradle and hand her Ava. She sighs in content. Hazelle was like a second mother to me. When I made it back to district twelve after the rebellion, -while my own mother was in district four and Katniss and Peeta had to give a lot of interviews- she was the one that nursed me back to health. She was the one that changed the bandages every day, she was the one that I could always call, even if I just wanted to chat. She was the one that was _there . _

As I look around my surrounding once more I can't help think that we are like one big family. Dysfunctional, but adorable all the same.

**Hello you guys, I have a really big question to ask - should I have one more planning chapter for the Hayffie wedding or should it just be in the next chapter? Please tell me - sorry this was a load of fluff and not much plot but what I have planned for the end should hopefully make up for that ! A big shout out to Kirsty and Robyn because although you always say really lovely things abut my chapters, I never thank you guys so here it is. **

**THANK YOU !**

**THANK YOU ! **

**THANK YOU ! **


	22. Chapter 22

**Hello guys - sorry I didn't update in the past few days but I had history and maths homework to do (ugh) but that's all done so I'll hopefully be able to post a little more. A big shout out to my friend Emma L because she helped me a lot with this chapter. : ) **

Today is going to be my worst nightmare ever. Today I am going dress shopping with Effie.

The wedding is next month. I, personally, thought that they had rushed into this wedding thing - they only got engaged last month. I suppose, though, that a July wedding will be nice though.

We are going shopping for me and Katniss's bridesmaid dresses. Effie's wedding dress is being made by a top Capitol designer and none of us - not even Haymitch - are allowed to know what it looks like. I dread to think what our dresses are going to look like. Probably a baby chick or something.

I bound downstairs, pausing to check my reflection in the landing mirror. I think I look quite pretty. My hair is sunny blonde and reaches down to below my waist. I have lost all of the weight I gained when I was pregnant and due to the sun I have pale freckles dotted over my nose and cheeks. I look so much older but happy as well, something which I don't take for granted.

I find Rory in the living room, changing Ava's nappy. He hates the job but I make him do it so I can go out and enjoy myself. Although, in this case, I'd rather stay at home and change a hundred dirty nappies than go shopping with Effie.

"Hello honey, I'll be back, well I don't know when I'll be back. Could take a while, this is Effie we're talking about." I wave, pulling a face.

Rory just laughs, "Have fun. I would say I'll change places but to be honest, you're okay."

I sigh and walk out the door, to find Effie and Katniss on my doorstep, just about to come in. "Hello dears, come on, come on. We have so much to do and so little time to do it. I was thinking we could go for lunch at -" Effie rambles at which point I effectively tune out.

It is a really nice June day. The sun is up and the Mockingjays are flitting about the trees, their songs uplifting my spirits. Katniss whistles to them as we go along and after a polite pause, they sing the tune back.

"Why don't you sing to them?" I ask, putting my neck forward to see my sister since Effie is between us.

"I don't want to," she says curtly and I nod and pull my neck back. Somebody obviously got out of the wrong side of bed this morning. My mother used to say that when we were little and in a bad mood. I still wonder if there is a _right _side.

The shopping part of the district is quite busy for this time of day, given that it's only ten thirty in the morning. We see several people we know, a lot of them insisting on congratulating Effie on her recent engagement. This happens so often that Katniss and I slink away to the first bridal shop we see, knowing Effie will catch up later.

Stepping into the air-conditioned cool of the shop is like stepping into another world - a world where brides have taken over the world. There is dresses everywhere, made of all sorts of materials. Silk, velvet, materials that I can't even name. I amble over to the bridesmaids section and absent - mindedly rifle through the dresses. There are lots of beautiful ones, but there are a few ugly ones as well.

Effie comes into view and starts rifling through the dresses a little less gently than I had. Soon I hear a loud cry of, "Oh my gosh, this dress is _such_ a darling, Primrose this would be perfect for you!"

I shuffle over to Effie and gasp in horror at her dress choice. Pure shocking pink with black roses around the bottom. It is absolutely horrible and I shudder.

"No thanks Effie, I think we should just look around for a little bit," I say gently, placing the dress back on the rack and walking away.

In no time at all I have found a beautiful baby pink dress, not skin-tight but not meringue style either. It's so beautiful and they only have two left - in the same size. I call over Katniss and Effie, I will do everything it takes to persuade them to buy this one, anything to stop Effie buying the shocking pink one.

"Oh Prim that does look pretty, but it is a little boring, don't you think ?" says Effie, looking the dress up and down with disdain.

"That's the whole point. We don't want the bridesmaid's dresses taking the focus away from your gorgeous wedding dress," I say, choking a little on the last part. I am 100% sure the dress will be hideous.

"Well I suppose you're right dear. Katniss, what do you think?" she says, pivoting on her heels to face my distinctly unimpressed sister.

"It's pink," she states flatly.

"Uh-huh, so what? It will look beautiful on you," I try to persuade her but she's not having it.

"I will not wear pink," She states again, giving me the cold-eyed stare. I choose to ignore it and keep on pressing.

"You wore a slight pinkish colour for your interview dress for the games," I plead and realise my mistake too late. Katniss pivots and walks out of the store without a backward glance. I could almost hit myself for being so stupid. You never mention the games, it's an unspoken rule - or a rule we say to guests when they come over.

"Just leave her, she will come around eventually. Now let's go and buy those dresses, both of them," Effie says kindly, linking my arm through hers and picking up the dresses with the other hand.

It actually makes me wonder if we can't even go dress shopping - what will the wedding be like?

**Hello guys, I am really sorry for the shortness of this chapter but the next one is a Hayffie wedding so it will be MUCH longer. **


	23. Chapter 23

**HAYFFIE WEDDING ! **

After two months of careful planning, arguments, tears, hugs, shouting matches and death threats - it's here. Haymitch and Effie's wedding.

The gazebo has to be one of the biggest I have ever seen. Situated in the middle of the meadow, it is unnaturally white. Walking towards it in my pink bridesmaids dress, I can't help but feel a little bit anxious at what the day will bring. Nothing good surely.

Inside the place is filled with people from the Capitol with their strange clothing choices and make-up. The colour theme this month is luminous green and yellow. People's hair looks like traffic cones and I think I actually saw somebody with their hair gelled into that shape. There is a pink carpet serving as an aisle and all the chairs have huge pink bows tied to the back. I find reserves seats for my family at the very front.

I sit down delicately and find the organ player sitting precariously on a stool behind a massive bouquet or orchids. She keeps sneezing uncontrollably and I have a slight feeling she might be allergic to them. I sidle up to her and slip her some hay fever tablets which I keep in my small handbag for emergencies. She takes them out of my hands and hurriedly swallows two dry. She thanks me warmly and starts playing the organ again.

I slink back to my seat and turn around to watch others come up the aisle and take their seats. I wonder where Rory has got to, and my sister for that matter. Katniss and I aren't meant to be helping Effie because her dress was meant to be a surprise. I turn back around and slump into my seat, listening to the organ. Eventually Rory takes his place beside me, his hair dishevelled.

"Where the hell have you been ?" I hiss, my voice barely audible above the strums of the organ.

"With Haymitch. It is unbelievably hard to pacify a man who has lived alone for over twenty years. He is a nervous wreck." Rory whispers back, a smile creeping into is voice. As if on cue, Haymitch strolls down the aisle.

I jump up and face him, wanting to dispel any worries about his wedding. He cannot jilt Effie.

"Hey Haymitch, shouldn't you be somewhere else?" I say, a quizzical note in my voice.

"Yeah, yeah. Sweetheart listen, I'm going to get enough of this from Effie, I certainly don't need it from you." He says. I sniff the air for any sign of alcohol but there is nothing apart from the slightly overpowering scent of the orchids.

"Haymitch, get up at the altar, Effie will be arriving soon." Rory says, pushing him gently in the direction.

"Do you know what ? I'd actually just love to see the look on Effie's face if I am late." Haymitch laughs and takes his place at the altar. I sigh and shake my head.

I notice that everyone else has taken their seats apart from Katniss. I spin my head around and then I catch her slipping into the available seat that is reserved for her next to me.

"Shoot me now," Katniss mumbles under her breath, her eyes rough and stormy.

"What happened?" I ask carefully.

She shoots me a look so dark that if she wasn't my sister I would be scared, "Never, ever, underestimate how many things Effie can complain about," she mumbles. At the back of the gazebo the doors open and in walks, Effie.

My first thought is, _what the hell is her dress. _She is a swan. A full meringue skirt coated with what I'm presuming to be real swan's feathers. The bodice has feathers with tiny little pearls stitched to the end of each one. I feel sorry for whoever stayed up at night stitching them on. Her shoes are at least six inches high and are the only item that look somewhat normal - cream with a pearl stitched at the point.

What I'm really staring at though, is her bouquet. It is made up of pale white flowers with artificially green leaves and in the middle, is a baby swan. BABY SWAN! This women officially has mental problems for two reasons:

1) Nobody has a bouquet that is double the width of their waist.

2) _Nobody _has a BABY SWAN, in their bouquet. _Nobody. _

Don't get me wrong, it looks cute and all but still. She walks up the aisle and something I hadn't seen before is the grown swan waddling down the aisle before her. Oh my gosh. She is purely mental. As she walks through the arch at the altar which is entwined with white roses and while lillies, it waddles off to the side, standing beside the organ player. I feel Katniss tense beside me as she notices the white roses. I place my hand on her arm and whisper, "You will be fine," she looks at me gratefully and places her other hand on Peeta's arm as i can see a thin sheen of sweat on his forehead. I can't have either of them have an attack, not now, not ever. White roses, the symbol of the man whose heart knew no love. The one and only, President Snow.

Haymitch takes Effie's hands in his own and I swear I can see him tear up. He sniffs a little and turns to the man performing the ceremony. Doves - I know, _Doves_ - fly in with the rings and settles one on Haymitch's hand and the other on Effie's. He then turns to the only women he will ever love and says, "I do."

* * *

The wedding reception is quite a big thing. The theme is 'enchanted garden' so there are twinkly lights and strange but nice smelling flowers everywhere.

Effie has thankfully ditched the bouquet with the baby swan and is now having her first dance as Mrs Abernathy. The tables are evenly placed around the sides of the room leaving a big space for the dance floor. Mother and Hazelle left early, taking the twins and Michael home.

Rory turns to face me, setting his glass down onto the table. He smiles slowly, "Care to dance?" he asks, standing up and offering his hand. I laugh and take his hand as we make our way to the dance floor. We start slow dancing and I lay my head on his shoulder as we swing and sway to the music.

The air is warm as I step outside the gazebo. The sun is just setting which gives the meadow a magical look. They will be starting the speeches in a minute, speeches I don't want to listen to. Haymitch has been allowed alcohol today and has been downing it like he will never see it again. I really hope he won't make a speech. I have a feeling it will be like the time he fell off the stage at the reaping. We have all changed so much.

I step back inside the stuffy gazebo and see that Effie is jus about to make her speech. Her wig must be top class as it has stayed on without moving an inch all day.

"Hello everyone." She begins, "Thank you all for joining us today. I want to make this speech short because it is getting late and I'm sure everyone would like to get home. It has been a long and hard journey to get where I am. I first met Haymitch when I was district twelve's escort. After the rebellion we became friends and soon became more. Now we are here, and I am delighted to say that now… we re expecting our first child. Thank you." Effie finishes, tears overcoming her.

_Effie's pregnant? _Judging by the shocked look on her Haymitch's face, he didn't know either. It doesn't last long though and he wraps his arms around his new wife and kisses her. He's finally facing up to his responsibilities.

Rory and I make our excuses and head home. It's 11pm and all I want to do is crawl into bed but I need to unpin my hair and wash of all the make-up Effie insisted I wear. After I put on my pyjamas I tip-toe over to the twins' cots. They are so tiny and so perfect that, even though they are two months old, I still can't believe their mine. Now Effie is pregnant and married. I guess everyone deserves their fairytale ending.

**Hope you liked the wedding and I'm sorry it's terrible because I am terrible at writing fluff. Thanks to Emma L **_**again **_**for giving me ideas. I am so sorry I've disappointed you. **


	24. Chapter 24

**Hello you guys, sorry my last chapter was terrible but you know I can't and hate writing fluff. Hopefully these next chapters will make up for it. **

Time can fly, my daughters are living proof. It's now just a little over a year since I found out I was pregnant. Autumn is almost over and a November wind keeps blowing. I have traded the girls' dresses sandals for thick trousers and jumpers and boots, hair ribbons and socks for hats and tights. It amazes me at all the new things we have had to buy.

Today is the kind of day that makes you want to cosy up on the sofa in front of the fire with hot chocolate and marshmallows. Unfortunately I have tons of washing that needs to be done and small children that need to be taken care of. They are growing so fast, it seems like it was just yesterday I was bringing them home from the hospital.

Life can be funny sometimes. It can push you and keep on pushing you and just when you think you might break, it hands you something that makes all the hard work forgotten. Happiness to be treasured and never taken for granted.

( Katniss's POV)

Road Trip! Today Rory and I are going to visit Gale. I haven't seen Gale since he came to see my nieces and even then he only gave me the tiniest smile. Part of me is longing to see him again after all these years, have a proper conversation. Rory was going anyway and invited me along. I'd declined at first, nerves getting the better of me. As I thought more about it I decided I would go. Nobody has the power to hurt me anymore.

We have left an hour ago and I'm starting to get hungry and thirsty. "Rory, can we stop for something to eat?" I ask as politely as I can manage.

"I'm in the middle of the bloody road Katniss," He snaps back at me. I wonder what's wrong with him. Well if he wants to play that game then that is absolutely fine. Because I am not Prim, I will not play Mr nice guy and try and get his good side to come out. Oh no, I can play that game too.

"Fine then. Pull up at the next lay-by and let me out, I'll walk to district eleven from there." I state, which makes Rory turn to face me, his jaw open in surprise.

"You cannot be serious. It's over fifty miles," he exclaims, turning his eyes back to the road.

"I am if you do not become a bit nicer. I'm not going to sit here and ask you what's wrong. Quite frankly all I want to do is get there and back. So stop at the next lay-by and we'll have something to eat and drink. Them maybe we will all feel a bit better." I try to reason. He nods his head in agreement and we continue on our way.

(Prim's POV)

"Knock knock, anyone in?" says Effie at the threshold of the door, leaning so far forward that I'm afraid she might topple over.

"I'm here. Hi Effie, I see your honeymoon was a success," I say, kissing her warmly on the cheek.

"Oh my gosh, district four was amazing. I just wish we hadn't had to wait so long before we went. If only Haymitch had booked it earlier than the end of October." She shakes her head but then turns on her most dazzling smile.

"How's the morning sickness?" I ask sympathetically, knowing what it feels like to throw up all day every day.

"What morning sickness? I haven't had any, none at all." Effie laughs. What a lucky devil. I had morning sickness for ages and she doesn't get any. The world is unfair.

"Primrose, I have to ask you a question," Effie says, biting her bottom lip worriedly.

"Of course," I say, wiping my floury hands on my apron. This is the last time I try to make scones, ever!

"Did you enjoy our wedding? It's just I noticed you didn't seem that happy or excited."

I feel so bad and guilty it brings tears to my eyes. "Of course I did Effie, it's just that I was so tired with two newborns. I did love it, it was spectacular, I promise," I say hurriedly, before she gets the wrong idea. "Do you want to stay for dinner?"

"Good good and no thank you dear. I have unpacking to do and Haymitch and I were going to go shopping for baby clothes." she says with a smile and walks out the door. That is adorable, her and Haymitch going shopping for baby clothes. Sweet.

Then I smell a burning smell and sigh in frustration. How come I can bake almost anything else except scones ? Then Selena starts crying - she'll be hungry. Almost immediately afterwards Ava starts crying. Great.

* * *

Is it possible that the same memory can bring two very different feelings ? Some days memories are the only thing that keeps me going and others they keep me up at night, haunting me until the small hours of the morning.

Today I am thinking of my father. He got blown to bits in a mine accident when I was seven and I guess that's when everything tumbled. I don't often think about him but when I do, I can never anticipate how it will make me feel. Today his memory feels warm, it creates a longing feeling in my stomach but I feel safe with his memory. Even though I was only young when he died, I can remember his laugh, smile, the way he hated the layer of coal dust that settled on everything in the Seam. I miss him so much.

The twins are asleep so I tiptoe up to the attic and search for memories of my father. I find the old box behind newer ones. Inside are the items I never let get dusty or forgotten about. His shaving mirror, his boots, old non-mining clothes and a small rag teddy bear he made for me when I was a baby. I miss him so much it hurts.

It's getting late, where are Katniss and Rory? They said they would be back by 10pm max and it's now 11pm. I know it's only an hour but these things have me worrying. I bath the girls and give them their night time feed and put them to bed. They don't settle as quickly as they usually would which leads me to believe something is wrong.

I put on my own pyjamas and curl up in front of the fire. I won't be able to sleep until they both come home safe and sound. I almost fall asleep reading my book but I stop myself just in time. It takes all my willpower to keep my eyes open.

Suddenly the phone rings and I manage to walk slowly over to answer it. It will probably be somebody from the Capitol trying to interest me in hair-dye or Haymitch calling to complain about not being able to drink. I pick up the receiver.

"Hello?" I ask, trying to stifle a yawn.

"Is this Mrs Primrose Hawthorne?" asks the voice on the other end. Uh oh, we're in full name territory now, not good.

"Yes," I say nervously, wondering what could be so bad that they had to phone me at 11pm !

"I'm nurse Heather from District 12 community hospital. Your husband and sister were involved in a serious car accident. I would get here as soon as I can if I were you."

I place the receiver back gently, in shock. This isn't real, not real, not real. I press my back against the wall and slide down it, matching the tears sliding down my cheeks. Hot stinging tears that confirm this is not a nightmare or some hellish hallucination. It's real. There is a horrible sound, what is it? It sounds as if someone's killing a cat or torturing children. A high-pitched scream that makes me shiver. It takes a moment or two of looking to my left and right before I realise… that sound. It's coming from me.

**Hope you liked that Chapter : ) **


	25. Chapter 25

**I wanted to write this chapter straight away because I didn't want to leave you in suspense for too long, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks to my wonderful friends for always being there for me !**

The hospital is quiet and calm in the dead of night. My head, however, is all over the place. I can't understand how this happened, where were they ? Who was driving. All I know is that at this very moment - when I'm busy wrestling with the seat belt - they could be laying on their deathbeds.

I run up to the receptionist as carefully as I dare with two car seats. She takes one look at my mismatched clothing, messy hair and her features rearrange themselves into a look of sympathy.

"Primrose I presume," she says. I guess they don't get many car crash incidents in the dead of night.

"You presumed right. Tell me where they are," I almost beg, so close to tears.

"Miss Everdeen and Mr Hawthorne are both in room 115," She says and I immediately run in the general direction, I don't bother pointing out that my sister is Mrs Mellark. I know this hospital, I have worked here since it was built eight and a half years ago. "It's a double room," The receptionist calls after me. I am already too far away to properly hear.

I burst open the door to room 115, my hands empty of the car seats that I have just dropped off at the crèche along the corridor. I see Peeta already in the room and without hesitation I fling myself at him - causing him to rock back on his heels. But he doesn't fall over.

The tears I have worked so hard to conceal are openly flowing down my face. "What's wrong with them?" I cry, my fists pounding Peeta on the chest without good reason. "Why?" I say softly, stopping the thumping momentarily only to start it up again, faster, harder, stronger.

Peeta catches my small wrists with his hands and cocks a quizzical eyebrow. I notice his eyes, red-rimmed and puffy. My breath catches in my throat as I slowly turn around and notice the two pale figures, each on a bed of their own, hooked up to so many different machines.

I walk over to the nearest bed only to find that the disfigured face, so battered and bruised belongs to my sister. Beneath all the wounds on her face she is so pale. The crisp whiteness of the starched bed sheet does nothing to make the scene look any more pleasant. The transparent oxygen mask does nothing to mask the horrific injuries.

I walk to the other bed that is align with hers a few feet away. I gasp again. Rory looks… horrific. His face is disfigured and swollen with tiny cuts all over. His hands look badly burned, the bags they're placed in are transparent enough for me to see the red, angry, blistered skin. I turn away and start to cry harder. What turned out as a simple visit to a friends has turned into some horrific nightmare.

"Where's Michael," I whisper, risking a look at Peeta.

"At the crèche down the corridor. Which is where Ava and Serena are I'm guessing." He manages to croak out, gulping.

I nod and run into his arms. They wrap around me, keeping me tethered to the ground. Because if I don't have something to keep me grounded I might float away into the land of disbelief. That's where I want to be. I want there to be a mental painkiller. Something that stops the ache in your head or stomach whenever something hurts too much or is too painful. But it's that feeling that makes us human.

"Oh Peeta. What are we going to do," I whisper into his chest. His shirt is wet but he either doesn't know or doesn't care, just holds on tighter. Then I feel a warm breath on the parting of my hair, "I have absolutely no idea."

* * *

The camp bed is so creaky and hard that it feels like the bed I used to inhabit in our Seam house. For a blissful five seconds I think I am twelve again, everything has stayed the same. Then it all comes rushing back and I don't even need to open my eyes to confirm that I'm twenty-one in a hospital.

I sit up and rub my eyes, staring down with disapproval at my clothes. A blue skirt with a green blouse and purple shoes. Not exactly matching and appropriate for winter but I grabbed the first thing in my wardrobe which was unfortunately all the ironing I had just did which consisted all of my summer clothes. I better go and get the girls to feed them.

I go to stand up and find that a nurse is sitting in the corner, already feeding them. I look in confusion and she lifts her gaze and smiles at me:

"Sorry, they were crying and I didn't want to wake you, you have a lot to deal with. Don't worry, I'll be happy to take care of them while you… do whatever you need to do." She whispers and then smiles again. I know this nurse, she's a year older than me and is really nice. Her names Lela.

I turn away from her and face the two beds. I don't know who I should sit with. So, after a moments hesitation, I spin on my heel, and walk out the door.

(Hazelle's POV)

I sit down on the hard chair next to your bed and wipe my eyes. I don't want you to see me cry, before I remember you can't hear or see me at all. I want you to hear me though, I _need _you to hear me.

It hurts me seeing you like this. I feel like the worst mother ever because I have failed to protect all of you. Vick's dead, Gale's bitter and you're lying here. The only bright one among us is Posy. Maybe it's a girl thing.

It's killing her you know. She dies a little every time she looks at you, the bright light in her eyes gets darker with each look. Light dimming a light. I catch her looking at me quizzically before she turns her gaze away to the twins or her sister. I would hate to be inside her head, she might lose both of you. You can't let that happen.

You need to get better. I don't care how long it takes you so long as you do it. Your hands are so cold, I hold them in my own. Can you feel me blowing on them? I would trade places with you in a heartbeat. I would do anything for you children, you're mine. Please get better, my sweet baby boy.

(Prim's POV)

I feel a slight tap on my shoulder that jolts me out of my stupor. I turn around to see Haymitch and Effie behind me. They look awful. When did they hear? Effie has no make-up and her wig is all out of place, like she has been pulling at it. Haymitch looks like he has been drinking except I know he hasn't, his eyes are red and watery.

"Oh my god Prim, we are so sorry," Whispers Effie, her voice cracking. Haymitch just bows his head and puts his arm around Effie. He holds out his arms for me too and I step into them. But I shouldn't be his concern, he shouldn't worry about me, it's Effie he should. It's not good for her to get upset when she's pregnant, I say as much.

"Don't worry about me," She says in hushed tones, "Worry about Rory and Katniss but not me. I'll land on my feet. I always do."

I give Haymitch a worried look and he shuffles her out of the room, but not before I see the tears coursing down his cheeks. I can't take this.

Just then I see my mother slip in, her face red and shiny, mirroring all of us here. How many of us will continue to arrive during the course of the day? My mother stands at the other end of the room. I run to her, she is quite a tall person and I'm small so I fit into her arms.

"Mommy, what do I do?" I sob into her chest, soaking her blouse. She doesn't say anything, just strokes my hair and breaths in deeply.

"I have no idea," She says, her voice sounds like she has been crying and is trying hard not to. She is acting like we should have done all those years ago. This is the way it's meant to be.

The squeak of the door alerts us that there's somebody else in the room. We automatically spring apart as if we are repelled by each other. The doctor looks about twenty seven with long dark hair and olive skin with grey eyes. She obviously used to live in the Seam. One good thing has come from all of this.

The doctor clears her throat and begins, "As you know Dr Everdeen," she says, nodding at my mother, "We have been running tests on Miss Everdeen and Mr Hawthorne. We have some results back and have found them somewhat… _disturbing." _

Look at my mother and see that her face has gone pale. She must know what the tests were for and what the results most likely are. I drop my mother's hand which, up until that point, I had been holding. She looks at me in surprise before nodding for the doctor to continue.

"Tests reveal that Miss Everdeen has several cancerous lesions on the lining of her stomach and bowel. Mr Hawthorne has severe swelling of the brain which was probably caused by the accident." She stops, not wanting to say anymore.

"Wait, my sister has _cancer?" _I ask in disbelief. My sister looked healthy.

"Technically yes. But it is not in the advanced stages so would probably be treatable with one course of chemotherapy and partial removal of the stomach and bowel. Mr Hawthorne will probably make a full recovery because the swelling is already decreasing due to the drain we put in for removal of the fluid." The doctor says, obviously glad to deliver some good news.

I look back at my sister and husband, lying impossible still on the hospital bed. "How are they really?" I whisper.

She takes a deep breath, "Honestly, it's not good. Miss Everdeen's chest cavity is a mess, one collapsed lung and a piece of metal has pierced a part of her heart. Don't worry about that though, we managed to get her into surgery in enough time to close the hole. Mr Hawthorne is marginally better. He did sustain reasonably deep burns to his forearms and left lower leg. He has a shattered ankle bone. Though that is better than your sister's two broken legs."

"Oh god," My mother whispers, a hand placed against her throat. I don't say anything, just walk over to the chair and sit down with my head in my hands. The doctor excuses herself to talk with my mother who's also leaving. I just sit there with tears trickling down my face, leaving trails.

"Oh my god." I breath, my breathing jittery and shaky, "What has happened?"

* * *

His hand is cold, so cold. I try to warm it up but it's still cold. As if he's dead. If I rest my head against his chest he doesn't stir. If I rest my head against his chest I don't hear a strong heartbeat, I hear one that's ready to give up.

I don't recognise her with all the scars and bruises. She looks like she's in pain but the doctor assures me she can't feel any, I think they're lying. My sister is always in pain. Her hair is matted and dirty. They haven't bathed her, either of them, just washed the dirt of the injuries. He breathing is laboured, so quiet I regularly check if she's still with us. I want to tell her all sorts of things.

People have arrived over the course of the days. It's the 3rd of November, two days since I found out. My mother disappears for long periods of time, not working. The hospital have given her official leave for as long as she needs. It will never be long enough.

One day I am talking to Rory about Serena's laugh. It sounded like the clear peal of a bell and silver. It sounded like happiness. We all permanently live at the hospital now. The doctor comes in and by the grave look on her face - it isn't good.

She clears her throat - I learned that her name is Leona- and begins somewhat nervously. "I have some serious news and I do not want to be interrupted until I am finished. Is that clear?" I nod as does Peeta and my mother, Haymitch, Effie, Gale. All of us. "Recent tests have shown that Miss Everdeen and Mr Hawthorne both require new hearts, they are slowly failing. We have a donor hear that will be viable for transplant in five days. The problem is, we only have one. They both need new hearts within the next five days or they will both die, so you," she says, pointing at me, "will have to choose."

There is a collective stunned gasp from every corner of the room. I feel tears starting to pool at the corner of my eyes, "Why me?"

Leona looks at me with such sympathy, "Legally, you are the only person who is able to decide. Your mother could decide to save Katniss but not Rory, the same case with Peeta. Gale could choose to save Rory, but not Katniss, the same with Hazelle. Since you are the only one closely related to both of them, you have to choose."

I understand what she's telling me, I have to choose between my sister and my husband. The person who raised me or my best friend. It reminds me of a childhood game :w_ho will stay and who will go? _Except this is not a game, it's a matter of life or death. It's a choice, a choice sent from hell.


	26. Chapter 26

(Haymitch's POV)

I make my way over to Rory's bedside and sit down in the chair that's so hard it would make sleeping on a bed of nails seem like a luxury. The boy's breathing is erratic and the heart monitor is not steady as it should be, not the way you'd expect it to be. I can't believe this has happened, these things are sent to try us.

"You better listen really carefully to what I'm about to say," I hiss into his ear, "Or otherwise you'll be getting out of here only to go straight back in."

Almost as if he can here me, his heart rate spikes, the beeping noise getting louder. I look around expecting staff to come bursting in. But nobody is there.

"You better hurry up and get your own heart working again. I mean it. It would be the manly thing to do. Get yours to work and give in to the girl, if you're a real gentleman then you'll do it. I am asking you this because I have to, otherwise you'll destroy your family. I don't pretend to have spoken to you much before and I doubt I will in the future. Just do this - not for me but for your wife, your children. Don't make her make that god-awful decision." I finish and then stand up, arching my back.

I then make my way over to Katniss's bedside where her heart monitor is so quiet I can barely hear it. I don't want to cry, because if I do I will be tearing down the wall I've worked so hard to build all these years. I sniff and then start talking:

"At first I thought you couldn't win, when I saw you volunteer for your sister I knew it was because you wanted to save her, you didn't think you had a snowballs' chance in hell of winning. Then when you showed me what you could do with a knife I started to have a little faith. Then when you went into the arena I saw you were one hell of a person.

"You must see it from my point of view. Mentoring tributes for twenty three years and watching them die every single time. No matter what you do, they still die. People blame me, saying that although some were strong enough to have a chance, they didn't because I was their mentor. That's not true, they had a chance but with the other kids, the odds were stacked against them. I don't blame them either, I blame society. I buried myself in drink because when I was passed out I could forget who I was and my job until I came around.

"I know I pushed you , was tough on you and didn't seem to care but I did. You and Peeta, you're my kids, I would walk through fire for you. I know I don't show it but it's hard. When you make yourself alone for two decades then you don't know how to explain yourself. Please wake up, I can't lose you. I don't want to lose you." I am openly sobbing now, I can't control it. I manage to bring myself out of the chair and move toward the door. I look back and I swear that what was a serene and peaceful expression has now turned twisted and pained. I might fall, I leave the room.

(Prim's POV)

I keep a vigil 24/7, scared that if I turn away for more than a second they will disappear. Who should I spend more time with? Eventually I sleep on the floor between the two beds.

Mother comes into the room and stands with her back against the wall. "Hazelle's coming, I just phoned her. She's said she will respect your decision but has asked that you don't … don't decide until she gets here." I nod to show that I've understood and then stare at the blank wall. I want to go back, back when there was no pain. But you can't, you can never go back.

(Gale's POV)

_Who will she choose? _Is the question that is continually on the forefront of my mind. I would hate to be in her position. Who would I choose? I could never answer that, not even if my life depended on it. I would rather die. My baby brother or my best friend.

The answer should be simple, most people would parrot, _my brother, _but for me it's different. Rory and I were never that close but he is family. Katniss and I… where do I even describe what we had. W helped each other and we confided in each other. Or at least I thought we did.

I sit down on the chair beside her bed and yelp a little because it's so hard. I take one of her hands in mine and blow gently, trying to warm them. "You want to know how I knew you were going to live through the games?" I ask, as if I expect an answer. But there isn't one, "You never said good-bye."

It's true- she never. There were instructions on how to take care of her family but there wasn't that tiny word. That word that destroys all hope.

"Come on, you need to get better. You've survived everything that has ever been thrown at you. Don't let this sway you. Your family needs you, Michael needs you, Prim needs you," I bend down to her ear, "_I _need you."

Then a machine starts beeping rapidly and then becomes a continuous noise, a noise which makes medical staff burst into the room, look to see which bed it's coming from and start to work. One nurse takes me by the shoulder and leads me out of the room. I try to get one last look but the door has already closed. I didn't even get to see my brother .

(Prim's POV)

The dark is safe. In it, you are totally anonymous. I am not the person with a weight on their shoulders. In the dark I can only see the scars with my fingers. In the dark I have no name.

It's light enough to see thanks to the soft shine of the nightlight that's plugged in next to the door. I tiptoe my way over to the cabinet where the tablets and pills are kept. I press my finger against the door handle and it pops open. It's fingerprint activated and I still work here technically so it opens at my touch. I root around blindly and bring out a largish box. I close the door and roll my finger over the handle three times, it shuts with a _click._

I make my way to the disabled toilet that's at the far end of the room. The door doesn't lock so medical staff can gain access but it shuts, there is a small window for the same reason at eye level. It doesn't matter though because the darkness enfolds me so nobody will see what I'm about to do.

I turn on the small lamp that's next to the toilet holder so I can see what I'm doing. I pop out several tablets and clutch them in my hand while I unscrew the cap of my bottled water. Before I can change my mind I put them into my mouth and take a big gulp of water, but I don't swallow. _Swallow dammit _I think but I can't.

I can hear the door opening at Peeta walks in. He sees the box of tablets on the floor next to me. "Oh god," he whispers and then turns, surprised to see I'm still alive. He puts his hands around my face and commands, "Prim. Spit them out."

I shake my head, I can't, I can't face this anymore. He shakes me gently but it gets harder and harder, "Prim, spit them out." I do as he says and then fall against his chest sobbing. He reaches up to flush the toilet and I just kneel on the floor, my head pressed against his chest and sob. Because it's easier. "I can't lose you Prim. Not you too. Not now, not ever. Never" He murmurs.

I don't how long we sit there, it could be hours or merely minutes. My eyes feel sticky and m head feels thick. I look up at Peeta and risk a question, "Who would you choose?"

He seems surprised and then answers, "I can't tell you that, it's not my place to say."

I sit up straight and his arms fall away from me, "Well don't think of it as Katniss and Rory, what if it was Me and Katniss?"

He shakes his head, "I still couldn't answer that. But I would say…. It would probably be you."

"Why?"

"Because, If you had died to save Katniss she would hate me forever. If I had chosen her over you, I don't even want to think about what she would do to me." He says sadly.

"I'm scared Peeta," I admit, "Whoever I choose, someone will be left without a child. Someone will be left without a spouse, without a sibling , without a parent. Whoever I choose I end up hurting someone."

"Prim. I can't make the decision for you, nobody can. I can't tell you who I'd choose either because I honestly don't know. You expect my answer to be Katniss but the truth is, it's not just me I have to think about." He says, his voice breaking.

"What happens if I don't choose, they can't make me?" I whisper.

"The hospital won't have permission to treat them, so they'll… you'll lose them both." He whispers, tears starting to flow like a waterfall down his cheeks.

I don't say anything. I crawl back to Peeta's arms and fall asleep. Sleep, a way to forget everything for a while. A little while.

(Effie's POV)

Look at you, all still and pale underneath that hospital sheet. You know unwashed hair is so _not _the fashion these days.

Oh who am I kidding? I can't bear to see you like this, I can't. I'm just going to say it out loud, I love you, like you were my own child. I love you.

You know, I never really liked the games, thought they were sick. Watching hundreds of children kill each over the years. Every time, after the reaping, I would go to my private bathroom on the train and be violently sick and cry. I became an escort at my mother's insistence. She was one too and never really liked them either but told me that being an escort was the best way to stay safe. The way to convince the higher powers that I condoned what they were doing, when it couldn't be farther away from the truth.

When I met you I knew you were strong, both of you. Especially you. I saw the way you quietly defied me, always met my eye and never once did you look like I terrified you. I admired you for that. And for the berries. I admired you for having the courage that I never did, for daring to do it. I felt hopeful for the first time, that things could change.

I'm crying now, I hope you don't mind. My voice sounds like I haven't ate or slept in three days which is the truth. I can't, knowing you're lying here vulnerable and alone while I selfishly sleep. Please hold on. Don't let go. I want you to meet my child, Michael needs you, as well as your sister. Don't make her make this decision. It will kill her.

Can you feel my hand in yours? Can you feel my tears on your face? Please wake up, get your own heart working again. Please, please…

(Prim's POV)

I sit in the chair next to Katniss's bed, rocking Serena. I've just fed her and now I want her to sleep. I am muttering soothing words in the hope that it will calm her when a weak voice interrupts me:

"Prim, is that you?" comes a weak voice from my sister's body. I jump slightly and then look down with such joy.

"Katniss!" I exclaim, "You're awake!"

"Not for long, I want to tell you something very important and you have to promise to listen to me." I nod, "Save Rory."

"What? Why?" I say, tears wetting my eyes.

"You need him, You don't need me." She whispers, her voice getting faint. She is unconscious again in a matter of seconds. I gently put Serena into the Moses basket at my feet and fling myself across her waist.

"I do need you," I sob, "I do… need…you." But there is no answer, even though I am getting her all wet. Then Serena starts to cry at my feet. I bend down to pick her up and rock her gently in my arms. I then start to sing, perhaps the only song I will ever be good at. A song my sister has only ever sung once.

_Deep in the Valley,_

_Where nobody goes,_

_There is a river where,_

_Fresh water flows._

_Deep in the Valley,_

_Where nobody dares,_

_There is a mermaid,_

_Who's washing her hair._

_Deep in the Valley,_

_Where I sit and dream_

_I am smiling because_

_You're here with me._

_Deep in the Valley,_

_Is where all comes true,_

_Because this is the place,_

_Where I love you._

_Deep in the Valley,_

_Is where hope breaks through,_

_Please hold on and never let go_

'_cause I can't lose you too. _

Serena has stopped crying and has fallen asleep. Her eyelids flutter and her cheeks are flushed. She looks peaceful. Serena, peace. I gently place her back into the basket and sing the song all over again except this time I cry.

(Peeta's POV)

I can't lose you, not now, not ever, never. You know you're sister tried to commit suicide last night because she couldn't face making the decision. Don't put her in this position. You have survived starvation, two Hunger Games, a rebellion. Don't let something simple like this deter you. You can do this, you can survive.

I need you, I won't lie. I need you more than I've ever needed anyone. Michael won't settle at night without you hugging and singing to him. He won't settle and neither can I. I can't sleep without you, I can't eat watching you waste away in front of me. Please wake up, oh god please wake up.

Don't leave me know, you promised you'd stay with me forever when we got married. This isn't long enough for me, it never will be.

(Katniss's mother's POV)

Don't leave me, I can't lose you. Those words might mean something except I lost you long ago, when your father died and I left. I won't ask you to get well again for me, that's asking too much, but do it for Prim, Peeta, Michael. Do it for everyone who cares about you.

I look into your eyes and see the scared little girl whose mother wasn't there when she needed her. You had to grow up too fast and there's nobody to blame but me. You've had a lot of visitors lately, they have probably been asking you the same thing, But please wake up. I'm begging you baby. Wake up, let me prove to you that I can be a good mother. Please?"

(Prim's POV)

Who should I choose? I need to choose to day otherwise they both die.

Despite what Katniss says, I'm not just going to pick Rory but I'm not just going to pick her either. I gently prise open one of Katniss's eyes and see nothing but dull grey. I recognise the vacant, dull look, it means the patient is gone.

For the first time I recognise how similar hey both look and how similar Peeta and I look. I think it's quite funny in a roundabout way. I want to curse myself for missing out on all the chances of hugs and kisses, spending time with each other, instead of stupidly assuming I'd have a million more. Tomorrow is never guaranteed.

The doctor steps into the room and I know what she's going to ask. I see Peeta, Hazelle, mother, Gale, Haymitch and Effie, whose weeping inconsolably. I will hurt someone, more than one person.

I take one last look at the two people I care about most in the whole world. I look the doctor straight in the eye and tell her my decision. A choice to live or die with. I know it will damn me to hell and back, but I know it's the right one.

**I hope you guys like that Chapter and please review! A big thanks to my friend Emma L who has just had her birthday so a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY for you. Also a big thanks to my friend, Wish2remain-nameless , please check out her amazing story ! P.S. I made up the valley song by myself and i've not copied anyone **


	27. Chapter 27

**Hi guys : ) I'm really looking forward to writing this chapter and I hope you like it !**

I think it rained on the day of the funeral, but I'm not entirely sure. I know my cheeks were definitely wet but how much of that was rain and how much was tears, I couldn't tell you. I remember watching the stormy clouds and thinking how they looked how I felt inside.

Somebody was kneeling by the grave, I'm not sure who it was. I remember seeing the mud-slung soles of their shoes and the dirt that was on their hands. Was it Peeta? Mother? Hazelle ? Gale? Haymitch? Effie- well, maybe not Effie. They were crying. Hugging the newly-erected gravestone. I wanted to do that too.

The funeral was held in the woods, near the entrance but far enough in that you couldn't see it from the meadow. I remember standing under the dense canopy of pine trees and breathing in the strong smell, concentrating on that instead of the pain in my chest. The air was thick and humid - the way it is before a thunderstorm. I remember thinking that a storm would be good, a way to clear the air. If only I could clear my heart as well.

There was lots of people there, most of district twelve as well as a few people from the Capitol. I don't know why _they _came, this has less than nothing to do with them. I felt numb, I don't remember people coming up to me and giving condolences. I do remember mother crying behind me, Hazelle grieving with her. Knew I should've been there, comforting her. But I stayed where I was, watching the clouds roll in and the rain fall from the sky.

I knew I should have looked, at least have seen if he was alright. Everyone else told me where he was, standing a little further into the woods, on his own. People were saying how horrible this must be for him, how hard. It was too hard though, I could look at anyone else with no difficulty but not him. Especially not him.

* * *

I just sit there, watching the twins in their crib while the baby mobile plays 'Deep in the meadow' for the fifth time. I don't want to turn it off.

I hear the twins' bedroom door open behind me and in creeps Effie. She comes round to face me and falls into my arms so fast that if I hadn't been ready to catch her she would have fell. She sobs against my chest and I rub my hand in concentric circles on her back. I don't cry myself. I feel numb, dead, cold. All words that mean the same.

"God Prim, I am so sorry." She gulps, trying to stop the hiccups which have come as a result.

"Why are you sorry Effie? You didn't make the decision." I say, a little firmer than was necessary. This has her thrown and she stammers another apology and backs out. Will I continue to drive away everyone ?

The other side of the bed is so cold. I always feel cold now, I go to bed with multiple jumpers and have the heating on full blast. I still feel cold. I miss… I miss what I had, what I was careful not to take for granted but ended up losing it anyway.

One morning I walk downstairs to find him already awake. He looks at me with blame in his eyes. I sigh and feel the tears of the last two weeks come back to me.

"Why Prim, why?" H whispers, swallowing. I can't answer and just shake my head.

"You must have a reason why I've been sleeping on the Sofa for the past week, why you leave the house at six in the morning and won't come back until eleven at night. Why you give me the cold shoulder every time I want to speak to you."

"Because, I can't look at you without feeling a searing pain through my chest!" I shout, taking him aback. "The only people I really want to be with now are Ava and Serena because they're the only ones who don't look at me and think _how could you?_. The don't know what's happened and I envy that!"

He stands up as straight as he can with his leg cast and crutches. "Do you think this is how I wanted life to turn out? With everybody looking at me with hate in their eyes, especially you."

"No, they don't. The wouldn't blame you because you didn't make the decision. You don't have your mother looking at you and wondering who you've become, how did you change into something unrecognisable?" I yell, not caring who hears. The whole damn world can for all I care.

"What do you want Prim? 'Cause you sure as hell haven't got it." He yells back, the force of his rage making him sway a little.

"My sister." I whisper, "I want her so much Rory, it hurts. Thanks to me Michael doesn't have a mother, Peeta lost the love of his life and Mother lost a child. They all hate me but they can't hate me more than I hate myself. I regret not saving her." I crumple to the floor.

"Do you regret saving me?" He asks, bottom lip trembling.

"No. I regret not saving her but I don't regret saving you either. I regret not saving both of you. I can't do this anymore Rory. And do you know what day she died? November eighth. Six months ago we were all celebrating the birth of the twins and now we're mourning."

"I'm so sorry." He struggles to bend down but he does and he pulls me into a hug.

"I'm sorry too," I say, "For everything."

* * *

I'm sitting on the sofa, my legs curled up beneath me and my head resting on the arm. On the TV there's some mind-numbing programme that makes me want to poke out my eyeballs - that would be less painful than watching this. It's a good distraction though, when focusing on the programme, I don't think about… everything else.

The programme I'm watching is suddenly interrupted and a Capitol newsreader with the ticker tape scrolling across the bottom comes on screen. Then a black screen comes up with these words written in fiery lettering:

**Girl On Fire**

**DEAD!**

I throw the cushion at the TV and it hit's the _off button. _I wonder why they kept it secret for two weeks? It doesn't matter. Is that all her death is to them? Some big news story. Well it's not. It's my weak spot. I haven't turned on my fireplace in two weeks because of it, not sorted through her possessions, not because I don't want to but because I can't.

I cry. I haven't cried in two days but I cry now. I cry for my sister, who was broken in so many ways, who lost everything. I miss her so much.

Effie comes in with a pale face and red eyes. I miss her sparkle. I want her to shine and tell me to get up and go. I think I would like that. But this time it's Effie who has - for the first time- lost someone close to her. The rest of us have already been through the beginner stage.

"Prim, I was wondering if you'd be interested in coming to my baby shower?" she says timidly, wondering if I will be mean to her again.

"No thank you Effie."

"It's not today, it's on Thursday. I'd really like you to be there." She pleads, sniffing a little.

"No thank you Effie," I repeat.

"That was a quick answer," she seems surprised.

"Simple question."

"Please reconsider." she pleads.

I tell her yes and that's satisfies her so she leaves, a little bit of a spring in her step. I've promised her that I will think about going to her baby shower. When actually, I have no intention of going.

* * *

I don't know how long I've stayed in the house, I haven't left in over three weeks I think. Soon the Christmas decorations should be going up and to be honest I should make an effort. After all, it will be the twins' first Christmas and I want it to be special. But I will also be the first Christmas without my sister, and I'm not sure which one cancels the other out.

I'm bathing Ava when she starts to get a bit snuffly. I lift her out of the bath and wrap her up warm, thinking it's the fact that she's wet and the air's cold. I dry her off and put on her baby-gro, putting a jumper on over the top. The sniffle doesn't go away though.

Soon she's struggling to breathe and I start to panic. I'm on my own - Rory's at a physiotherapy session- and I have Serena as well. Normally, I would phone mother but I haven't spoken or looked at her in three weeks. I can't look at her eyes, she wasn't as good as Katniss as hiding her feelings from her eyes.

But for Ava I swallow my pride and make a desperate phone call to a woman who probably hates me as much as I hate myself.

She picks up after the first ring, "Hello?"

"Ava can't breathe." I state.

"Right, Prim, calm down."

"I can't. Why don't you understand that. I can't lose her too." I cry, my voice getting higher.

"Calm down, is she still breathing?"

I hold the phone between my shoulder and my ear while I check, "Yeah but barely, and she's falling asleep."

"Don't let her, keep her awake." Mother orders, "I'll be right over and I'll take you to the hospital. Stay calm."

"Okay," I say tearfully, putting the phone down. I gently shake Ava.

"Come on baby, stay awake for me, please. I can't lose you too, not you too."

**I know this chapter is really bad but it's the beginning of alot of drama so i know it's short and to the person who put they 'F###ing hate it' i'd appreciate if you kept that to yourself next time. It hurts and i was about to delete the entire story. Thanks :) **


	28. Chapter 28

**Hai guys, sorry for that little cliff-hanger at the end of last chapter. Hope you like this one : ) **

I get as far as the intensive care doors before I freeze. The last time I was here, somebody died. The doctors and nurses rush past me, forgetting me. I just stand and look through the glass, watching the drama unfold.

I walk away numbly, not attempting to enter because I know they would send me back out again. In my arms, Serena starts to cry. I wonder if she knows what's happening to her sister, I hope she doesn't. Mother comes and sits down beside me. She moves as if she was going to put an arm but then thinks better of it.

I turn around to look at her and see that she's failing to keep it together. I wonder how she can stand being here. I know she doesn't work here anymore, she took early retirement which is ok because she still gets paid a regular wage.

"Just stop it," I sigh, tired of playing this game anymore. I'd rather we fought here were there are witnesses and a child in my arm so she doesn't scratch my eyes out, not that she's that type of person.

"Stop what ?" she opens her eyes wide, genuinely surprised. I sigh again, sick and tired of this game.

"Stop pretending to be nice to me, that you like me. Because, let's face it, we both know you hate me. I'd rather not pretend because we live in a world that it's very hard to tell what's real so I'd like at least to know one thing for certain, even if that's you hate me." I say, trying not to cry. Because, believe it or not, it's hard to say those things, especially to the woman whose your mother.

She stares at me incredulously, her mouth in a wide 'o' shape. She shakes her head, "I don't hate you Prim, I never have. What makes you think that I do?"

Her voice is so full of concern that tears come to my eyes in spite of themselves. "How could you not ? I _killed _your daughter for goodness sake. How could you possible even want to sit next to me?"

Her moth snaps shut and she takes a deep breath, "First of all, you didn't kill your sister, nobody did. It was a car accident though on the cause of death it says heart failure brought about by car crash. I don't hate you because I know it's not your fault. I have no idea who I would have chosen. It's. Not. Your. Fault."

I shake my head and look down at Serena, who's gone perfectly still in my arms. I look at her little button nose and the hair that's a dark blonde colour. She hasn't changes since the day she was born over six months ago. For that, I am grateful.

"Just out of curiosity," my mother begins, "Why did you, um, pick, Rory?"

The tears start to freefall down my cheeks, falling onto Serena's head, she starts to mew. "Because… she told me to pick Rory. She was briefly conscious for about three minutes while she said that to me. She said… she said that I didn't need her anymore." I sob quietly. This time my mother's arm makes it around my shoulders and pull me close to her. I rock Serena in my arms. My mother rocks me.

* * *

There are lots of tests. Rory and I have long since stopped keeping count. Ava is still snuffly, she has a nebuliser to help her breathe. When I put Serena next to her on the bed she seemed to perk up a bit, as did Serena. Though after a few minutes an older nurse came and scolded me for doing so because I could be passing along infection.

I do go to Effie's baby shower, it's a massive event. Lots of balloons and food, which is good because I haven't eaten properly in ages. I do notice that Haymitch made himself scarce - I can't blame him. I would probably feel awkward talking to a women dressed as a Christmas tree too.

Finally, after a week and a half of consultations, tests and visits from doctors- we get an answer. Rory and I, along with the twins, get called into Dr Rubenstein's office. She is the most senior doctor in the hospital, having just graduated from the Capitol medical school which - believe me- is a lot more of an amazing achievement than people think.

We know each other pretty well, me being a nurse. We'll always say hello to each other in the hall and sometimes we will go out for lunch. But today I'm not a colleague, I'm an anxious mother waiting to find out what's wrong with her child.

The office is impressive, seriously impressive. The desk is mahogany with matching chairs. The door is made of thick mahogany and her office is a shade of cream that I like very much. Light, but doesn't look like a dirty white colour.

"Good Morning," Rory says and I nod. We sit down in the two chairs that she indicates with her left hand and I try to calm our nerves. I Know it can't be good though, when the most senior doctor calls you into her office, you know it's not good.

"Good Morning," she slips her glasses off her eyes and brings them up so they are resting on her head. Her eyes look troubled, like she has something to hide. She starts to nibble her lip involuntarily but then she sees and stops at once.

"Well, we have the results of Ava's tests," the good doctor begins, "good news is we didn't find any diseases such as epilepsy or Spina Bifida, as such."

"What do you mean 'as such'?" the words are not my own and I turn to face Rory who is staring the doctor down. She meets him with an equally cool gaze and he backs down. He still looks angry though.

"Well Mr Hawthorne, we did find something in Ava's tests. To cut a long story short, she needs a transplant."

I feel as if all the oxygen has been sucked out of the room. I look at Serena giggling away on my lap and I realise it's just me. I can't breathe or move, just sit there, paralysed with fear. Luckily, Rory has never had that problem.

"How can she need a transplant? Look at her, she's perfectly fine." Rory cries, bouncing Ava on his lap.

The doctor brings her glasses back down again, until they're resting on her nose, she clasps her hands together, "Looks _can _be deceiving, M Hawthorne, and the tests indicate that she had had this problem for quite a long time."

This time it's me who speaks, "No, there you're wrong. The only reason I brought her here was because nearly two weeks ago she couldn't breathe, there were no other signs before that." I shout.

"There must have been," She insists, "maybe you weren't paying attention. I understand you've been suffering with family bereavement, could you have missed the signs while coping with your grief?"

I swear I might hit her, "No! I'm a nurse, I know when somebody's not well, so you can cross that reason off your little list. Secondly, I know how to look after my children. I might have neglected everyone else including me but I would never even dream about neglecting my daughters. They are the only reason I get out of bed in the morning, they are the reason for me to live. So don't you dare say that I'm an unfit mother, don't you even try!"

"I'm not suggesting you're an unfit mother Mrs Hawthorne. All I'm saying is that when your grieving, you do tend to miss out on-" I don't give her a chance to finish.

"Do you know what? That's it, I can't deal with this." I say and sweep out of the office. Once in the corridor, my bravado fails and I start to cry. This can't be happening. Most people die waiting for transplants. It can't be happening to my baby.

Rory comes out about ten minutes later. He faces me and takes shaky breaths, "A bone-marrow transplant," he croaks out, "Ava needs bone-marrow. I can't remember the disease, it was complicated. But the bottom line is that She will die without it."

Oh god.

(Peeta's POV)

This is all my fault. I let her go, I lied to her. It's all my fault.

It was icy that morning, the grass was white with the frozen water. I had gotten up and had made fresh bread for that night, it's a kind of tradition.

Katniss had gotten up shortly after me. I had already known she was going to visit Gale with Rory, I was reluctant but she was an adult and I couldn't stop her. She had bounded down for breakfast, garbling on about her road trip, I could sense she was nervous.

She was fine until she looked out the window, I knew she was going to drive part of the way because it's quite a road journey to district eleven. But when she peeked out of those heavy white curtains, she had turned to me with an ashen face.

"It's icy out there Peeta," she had said.

"Yeah I know, so what?" I has asked, munching my way through a bread roll.

"I can't drive in the ice, it makes me nervous," She had said, "I'm already terrible and ice just makes it worse."

"You'll be fine sweetheart, just drive slowly and carefully and all will be right." I'd assured her, not knowing that my own words were going to turn around and bite me.

" But I'm a terrible driver," she moaned.

"Well, you could respect the seep-limit more but other than that you're good." I'd laughed, going for a little joke. Katniss hated driving at the best of times but now it was more or less than a necessity if you wanted to go anywhere. Now that you could move freely from district to district, it's quite confining to be stuck in one place.

"Can you drive us there?" she pleaded.

"Honey, you know I would love to but I can't, I need to work today and sort something out. You will be fine, stop fretting." I'd soothed. She couldn't know that I was going to buy her a special Christmas present - before the shop sold out.

"Fine," she'd muttered and stormed upstairs to get ready.

Half an hour later she was standing at the door, getting into the car. "Goodbye!" I'd called out cheerily, waving.

"Goodbye," she said blowing a kiss to Michael and I.

That was the last time I ever spoke to my wife.

I remember saying in those dark few days after she died, 'I trusted that bastard to keep her safe'. People understood, thought it was just grief. Only later on did I realise that I wasn't talking about Rory, I was talking about me.

(Prim's POV)

This might sound quite mean but it's actually quite funny watching Effie struggle to put on her shoes or get dressed herself. It's as if it's karma and I enjoy watching it because she was so inconsiderate of me during my pregnancy.

I am enjoying one of those rare moments home by putting up by Christmas decorations. We were let out of hospital for the weekend with strict instructions of Ava's diet and with whom she is allowed to interact.

The search is now on to find a donor. Rory, me and Serena have already been tested and will get the results back on Tuesday. Because she has so little time she has been moved to the top of the list. I pray we will find a match because I can't go through that again. I'm not sure I'll survive it this time.

Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier to let it all go. I learned from someone very important that you should never get close to something you can't walk away from if you have to, when you have to. I know the feeling. But sometimes, when I see the twins smile at each other or Rory and I have these lovely moments, I wonder why I would want to leave all of this behind. They are my family and, as weird and annoying they may be, I wouldn't have them any other way.

**Sorry the really bad ending on this one. I bet you're glad that I didn't kill off Ava. To my reviewer called Brittney, why do you want me to delete it? Thanks to Emma& Emma and Kirsty and Olivia and Rachel, your support means a lot. **


	29. Chapter 29

**Hi **

All this waiting around is killing me. The best Christmas present for me would be a match. Rory and I and Serena weren't even compatible, we all have different blood types, even Serena.

I have asked mother to be tested. Haymitch and Effie offered as did Hazelle and even Kathryn offered to get tested! The only person I haven't asked is Peeta, I haven't even seen him in over a month, not since the funeral. It's not that I don't want to see him, but rather, I can't. I hurt him in a way no person should be hurt. It's not fair.

Christmas in our house is a very dampened occasion. I mean we still have the dinner, the presents and the songs but I don't feel the excitement of last year. Ava's getting worse, her fingernails are tinged blue. She is flushed from medicine, her body isn't strong enough to pump that much blood to her cheeks. I sit up at night and watch her chest rise and fall, convinced that she'll stop if I look away for one second.

One day though, Peeta bursts into my house, his eyes wild. He looks around for a moment and then spots me drying dishes. "Why the hell wasn't I asked?" he demands, waving a piece of paper in front of my eyes. I recognise it, it's the letter the hospital sent my mother saying she wasn't a match.

"Where did you get this?" I breathe, snatching it from his hand.

"It doesn't matter," he dismisses, "All I want to know is, why didn't you ask me to get tested."

"I couldn't," I admit, "I couldn't ask you to save my child's life when I ruined yours. It was unfair."

He looks so hurt, "But what if I wanted to, you didn't give me the chance to say 'yes, I do want to be tested'."

"Why?"

"Because Prim," he explains, "I want to save your daughter's life. I don't hate you for choosing Rory. I want to do something to help."

I consider for a moment, "Fine, Ava has an appointment this afternoon. You can come with me to see if you can get tested."

* * *

"I'm not a match," Peeta sighs and even down the phone I can hear the disappointment. His letter must have come back. Bad news comes quick.

"Well thanks for letting me know," I sigh and hang up. I have no idea what I'm going to do. I have exhausted most options. Ava has been put on the register but there is no match. No match at all. I would give anything to have my baby back, she sleeps all day and night. Hardly eats. Too tired to do anything but sleep.

The nights are the hardest. I feel so alone. I watch Ava and Serena sleep and I realise how blessed I am but also how cursed. These two people are the most precious things to me an f I lost one… I think I would go crazy. I miss her, especially at night. Because in the night, I remember sharing a bed with her, feeling her safe arms around me. I miss her so much.

One day in January, all of us are sitting in the warmth of the kitchen. By all of us I mean, me, Rory, Ava and Serena. Rory and I are discussing our other options, what can we do to save our daughter's life. "You know, there is still one person we haven't ask to be tested." Rory says casually, taking a sip of his water.

"Who?" I pounce on his suggestion that there may still be a close match.

"Gale."

I'd be lying if I said that I had never considered Gale as an option. In truth, I wouldn't know how to ask him. He lives in district eleven now. W haven't seen head nor tail of him since the funeral. I can't count how many times I have picked up the phone to call him, only to put it back down again out of fear.

"How would we ask him? We can't just call him up and say 'we know we haven't spoken to you in over two months but we were wondering if you wouldn't mind travelling to district twelve, get your blood tested and potentially have an operation'." I say, getting frustrated at the amused look on Rory's face.

"I'll talk to him," he says, patting my hand, "He is my brother after all." Sometimes I forget they are brothers. Sometimes I look at Rory and see my childhood with Gale. I desperately hope Gale will consent to be tested. He might be a match, a match from somebody related is better, reduces the risk of rejection by the body and infection.

~two days later~

The doorbell rings incessantly. I wipe my hands on my skirt and open it, and there's Gale, nervously running his hand through his hair. "Hey Gale, come on in." I say, opening the door wider. Instead of stepping in, he grabs me into a hug and whispers in my ear, "I'm sorry." I know what he's sorry for and I can't deal with this so I pull myself away and lead him to the kitchen.

"Rory told me everything," he says earnestly, "when can I get tested?"

"Ava has an appointment in half an hour, you can come with me and see if you are eligible?" I suggest and he pounces on my suggestion. I laugh at his enthusiasm.

* * *

We make it to the doctor's office before Gale starts to panic. I suddenly have the feeling that he is no longer right behind me and I see I am right. He is a few feet behind me, deathly white and about to hyperventilate. "Come on Gale, it's only one tiny needle, you can do it," I encourage and lead him by the hand into the room.

It's two days later when Gale bursts into my house, unannounced. He looks like a child that has gotten his dream. He waves a piece of paper in front of me and I have to snatch it from him to read it. I have to wait for the words to stop swimming before I can. Oh my gosh.

Gale is a match.

**Hope you liked it. Please go read my friends fanfiction 'A love story by the sea' by Beckylou4jc :) it's really awesome and all the finnick and annie lovers out there will be amazed ! She is a great writer so please check it out- you won't regret it ! **


	30. Chapter 30

**Only three more chapters to go guys !**

I am so happy, maybe everything will get better. Gale and I are in Dr Rubenstein's office, discussing what will happen during the procedure. I think I stopped paying attention around when she started talking about side effects of some drug or other. Gale on the other hand, looks as white as a sheet. It's not as if he'll be conscious during the procedure, geez.

I then sit up straight, "How is Gale a match but Rory wasn't?" I ask, the question's been bugging me for a while.

"It's very possible that Rory and Gale have different blood types but Gale's matched Ava because Rory carries the gene, you know, because they're brothers." She explains patiently.

"uh-huh," I say dumbly, nodding my head.

"Your sister was a match." The doctor says and I feel like someone has just punched me in the stomach. "How do you know?" I whisper.

"We reviewed the blood samples that we had taken from your sister, they were found to be an excellent match. Unfortunately we did not have enough to be viable for transplantation." hate the way she refers to my sister so casually, as if she was just another person. Well she wasn't to me, she was anything but to me.

Gale thankfully steps in, "When are you thinking the surgery should take place?" I actually feel sorry for him, he's sweating and his hands are shaking on his lap. But then the answer I hear makes me sweat, my hands shake.

"Next week."

* * *

It feels strange to pack a hospital bag for your baby. You'd think it would feel like you were just packing a bag but knowing the story behind it makes me cry. Thinking that this might be the last time you ever pack for your daughter, the last time you get to choose her clothes, these might be the clothes she's buried in.

I find myself playing the what if game again. What if Gale had said no to the transplant? What if I hadn't picked Rory? What if Ava didn't need a transplant? What if.

I haven't seen Rory in a while, he's burying himself in his work again. I know it's how he copes but I need his comfort right now, I need him more than anything. I need him to tell me that everything will be alright, that I don't need to worry. But he isn't here, and I'm left all alone. I've lost count of how many times I have been left. I guess I'm easy to forget.

* * *

Ava's hospital room is eerily quiet. I can hear the nurses walk by, their shoes making a soft noise on the linoleum. I am unpacking her bag, just as I have seen parent do when their child comes in. It feels strange, to be on the inside looking out instead of the other way around.

There are a bunch of cards. Mother, Peeta, Gale, Kathryn, the list goes on and on. Even strangers have sent good luck cards! The actual surgery doesn't take place until tomorrow, today is a day of tests. Blood tests, measuring height and weight. It would take me ages to write all the tests down. Kathryn is the one supervising all of these tests, she told me that since I wasn't allowed to go she would watch over Ava. She has been a great friend to me, I couldn't ask for better.

Gale is having tests done as well, you should have seen the look on his face when they told him they would be using a two inch needle to perform them, it was classic. Where has his fear of needles come from anyway, seriously? The guy has fought in a rebellion, worked with a bow and arrow for years. It's just a needle, get over it!

~The next day~

I wake up and see the February sunshine illuminate the small room. Today is the eighth, everything happens on the eighth. I gently get up off the camp bed and pad over to the cot where Ava and Serena are sleeping. They look so identical that it takes a person who really knows them to tell them apart. They have the same characteristics and personality as well, which only makes it harder.

The surgery is scheduled for 10'o'clock which means that medical staff start disturbing the peace in the room around seven. I watch them gently lift Ava out of the cot and take her away for yet more tests. Gale will be going into surgery at nine, so they can transplant the marrow for Ava at ten. I feel so nervous that I think I might be sick, if I had eaten anything.

All too soon Ava is lying flat on her back, just about to be wheeled down. The porter is talking to another, which leaves me time for a goodbye. I fly over to her bedside and stroke her hair, "Please come back to me, please. If you die you'll take me with you. Please come back." I sob quietly. It's then that I notice the conch shell bracelet - the one Katniss gave to me on my birthday. I put it on every morning automatically, lately I've been sleeping with it on. I touch my hand to the base of my throat, where the necklace that Annie left me sits. I fumble with the clasp on the bracelet and, when I finally get it loose, fasten it around Ava's wrist. The porter comes back to wheel my baby away. Across the room, Serena starts to cry. If Ava dies, will she forget about her? Will she grow up thinking she has always been an only child? Will she remember their brief time together? I hope she doesn't have to, I hope Ava lives.

I look up towards the sky, "Please keep her safe Katniss. Please keep my baby safe." I hope she's watching over us now. I sure hope she is. It lessens the pain a little to think that she can still see me, just a little.

The operation takes three hours. Three hours of me nervously pacing the ward, three hours of Rory sitting with his head in his hands, unable to do anything else. Three long hours. Eventually Kathryn comes to see me, her eyes puffy, hair messy. Rory and I jump up, expecting the worst possible news, instead she smiles and says, "Everything went well."

Ava looks better already, her skin is naturally flushed and she's giggling. Her eyes are clouded with pain but the doctor assures me that they will increase the dosage and it should go away in the next few days. I put Serena next to her and they immediately start talking to each other in a language which I will never understand. I hope I never will.

~two months later~

I get a call in the middle of the night. I swear if it's Haymitch I might actually reach down the phone line and strangle him. He has been phoning late at night every night this week, asking for advice on childbirth. What does he want that information for? He's not the one whose pregnant.

This time though, when I bark 'what!' into the phone he manages to say, "Oh my god Prim, you need to tell me what to do. She's gone into labour. And I thought she was bad when she was pregnant, you should see her now.-" He's cut of by a very high pitched scream, "See what I mean?" he says, coming back on.

"Mmm," I say sleepily, "Well, drive her to hospital and I'll meet you there. Okay?" I suggest.

"Okay then Prim, see you soon." Haymitch rings off and I fling myself backwards onto the bed. "What was that?" asks Rory, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

"Effie's gone into labour," I sigh, "I have to go to the hospital, you coming?"

He shakes his head, "I'm alright here Prim," he yawns, "besides, someone needs to look after the twins and I think they've seen too much of that hospital, don't you think?"

I laugh, I don't want to go either, and take my clothes into the bathroom to get changed.

* * *

A few hours later and Effie is holding a beautiful baby girl in her arms. This has been a long night and it's now five in the morning. Effie can barely speak, probably from all the screaming she did, and she actually threatened Haymitch at one point. She grabbed him by the collar and screamed into his face, saying that if she didn't have this baby soon she was blaming it on Haymitch and he would rue the day he was born. He kept well back from her after that.

I go into the room holding a glass of water for Effie, she could probably use it. Her and Haymitch turn to me with tears in their eyes, "We have decided to name her Emma Katniss Faith Abernathy." she whispers, looking down at her daughter with pure joy. Tears start to well up in my own eyes as I set down the glass on the nightstand.

"Oh Effie, you didn't have to do that," I whisper, looking at Emma, how small and vulnerable she looks.

"We wanted to sweetheart," Says Haymitch, "We miss her too, at least this way we'll have a part her with us. Always." he's crying as well, making no attempt to hide it.

"What does her name mean?" I ask, sniffing a little. Not wanting Emma to be surrounded by all this crying, even if it's tears of joy.

"Well, You know everything else but Emma means 'whole' or 'universal' which I think is perfect for us. Meaning that we are finally whole at last." Says Effie and I notice that her accent has gone, completely, We have all changed.

"Oh and Primrose, this is also your birthday present," says Effie, handing me a blue bag.

"Effie, my birthday isn't for six days." I say, while peeking inside the bag, the present is wrapped.

"I know but I wanted to give it to you now. Go on, open it." she encourages.

I unwrap the gift and find myself holding a photo album. Full of pictures of all of us. Katniss, Rory, me, Hazelle, Mother, Peeta, Haymitch, Effie. The last picture, at the back, is one of all of us, taken a few short months ago, when Katniss was still alive. "Thank you," I breathe.

"Look at the other thing in the bag sweetheart," says Haymitch and I take out a canvas. It's a black and white picture of Katniss and I, just after the rebellion. She has a slight smile on her face and I'm in front of her, standing straight but you can just make out my arm wrapped tightly around her leg, I remember that moment:

_Flashback _

"_Oh Katniss, will you get your picture taken with me?" I plead, tugging on her hand. She looked scared. _

"_Why little duck?" she asks. _

"_In case you go away again, so I have something to remember you by." I say sadly, remembering those sad few months, alone. _

"_Oh Prim, I'm not going anywhere away from you ever again, I promise." she says but se allows me to pull her over to where Peeta is waiting with the camera. She stands straight, putting her hand on my shoulder, gripping tightly. It hurts but I don't want to tell her, something tells me she needs to do this. _

_Just before the camera clicks I wrap my arm around her leg, as if it will keep her here. Peeta shows me the picture, Katniss is slightly smiling and I am too. We are both standing straight, looking strong. He hair is in it's signature braid, mine in two braids. We look proud, as if we are saying to the Capitol, 'You see what we did. You can never tear us apart!' _

_Peeta promises he'll print of the picture and leaves to take more pictures. Katniss lets go of me, telling me to do whatever I want as long as I'm back by five. I'm left alone, watching her retreating footsteps. Wondering how they could have left me so quickly . _

_End of flashback. _

"Thank you Effie and Haymitch," I whisper, coming back to the present. "Thank you," I say again, when what I'm really meaning is 'thank you for giving me back something I thought I had lost.'

**Hey guys, thank you for all your reviews, they really mean a lot. And in case your wondering why I didn't do a poll for the Hayffie baby well it was because my 2 friends Emma and Emma are obsessed with Hayffie so it would just be wrong not to use their name. There is only one more official chapter to go and then the epilogue. I'll be sad to finish this story :'( **


	31. Chapter 31

**This is the last chapter :'( **

I no longer find myself going through the motions. I enjoy getting up in the mornings, instead of just getting up because I have to. I enjoy going through each day, instead of just waiting for the sun to go down. I feel alive.

It's my birthday today, happy birthday to me. I am twenty-two years old now, the rebellion was nine years ago, Katniss went to the games ten years ago and my father died fifteen years ago. It seems just yesterday that I was a scared little girl who needed other people to fight her battles. Well now I can fight them on my own.

We aren't having a big celebration, just our family and a few of our friends invited over for dinner. Most of our guests are crowded around Emma, who is the centre of attention at six days old. Effie looks tired, the kind of tired that can only come from stress and not enough sleep. I recognise the look well. I've seen it on my own face often enough, the lines around the eyes. It's all worth it though, in the end, it's all worth it.

The biggest change of all is that she's gone natural! No more make-up - well hardly any - no wigs, no outrageous clothes. She still has he heels but I think that would be cruelty, asking Effie to give up her heels would be like asking a bird to stop flying, the wind to stop blowing, the sea to stop moving. Bottom line is, for Effie, heels are natural.

"Hey," whispers Rory, slipping a glass of orange into my hand.

"Thanks. So, what do you make of this then?" I say, taking a small sip from the glass.

"Make of what?" he asks, cocking his head to the side and raising a puzzled eyebrow in confusion.

"This," I say, gesturing around to all of us.

"I think," he whispers, pulling me into him, "It's perfect."

* * *

What if it was all a dream ? What if life was all a dream and one day you wake up and find out that what you thought was sixty years of your life was actually only eight hours? What if all that had happened was gone and it was all just a dream? Does anyone else think of that, or is it only me?

I am up to my elbows in baby clothes, baby shoes, food, you name it, I am standing in a pile of it. Today I am taking care of four children, Ava, Serena, Michael and Emma. Rory is at work, Haymitch and Effie are going on a day out that they've been planning for ages and Peeta has just called and said that he has had to go into work unexpectedly so would I please look after Michael?

The twins and Michael get along okay. They're at that stage when they can start to play independently without adult intervention so that just leaves Emma, who isn't that bad because she mostly sleeps and I just have to feed her when she wakes up. So all that's left is the washing, ironing, cooking, cleaning. Seriously, people couldn't have picked a worse day for me to baby-sit.

Finally, though, I get a moment to put my feet up when I hear Emma start to grizzle. I sigh but I'm not really annoyed, I could spend all day with her. She's so tiny. I remember when the twins used to be like that, not much longer or heavier than a cereal box.

"Hey, stop that crying now, I'm here," I say softly, picking up Emma. I place one hand on her back and the other on her bottom. "Oh Emma," I sigh, realising that her bottom is quite wet. I take her over to the changing table. "Isn't that better?" I say, wiping her and then changing her nappy. She settles contently against my shoulder and instead of putting her back in the cradle I sit down on the sofa with her in my arms.

Michael totters up to me, able to walk - sort of- now. "What's that?" he asks, pointing to Emma in my arms.

"Baby." I say, "Can you say 'baby'?"

"Baby," he giggles and runs off to play with the building blocks again. I remember when he was small too, when he was born. How Katniss had shown him to me and said, "Oh Prim, isn't he beautiful?" I feel a tear escape and wipe it away.

I would be lying if I said the pain had gotten easier. It hasn't, I don't think it ever will. But I have learned how to overcome the pain, how to see the good instead of automatically looking for the bad. I have learned how to see good in the world, to see the people can be nice to each other, that there are decent people out there. That there are still good days to come.

(Haymitch's POV)

I love her, I love her so much it hurts. Every time I look at her I can see myself in her, the new me. Not the one who went to bed whenever he fancied, or woke up in a pool of his own vomit. No, I see myself in her eyes, her beautiful grey eyes. But I see Effie as well, the brown hair, fair complexion. I see the women I love in my new love. I am the luckiest man alive, I get two beautiful women to come home to at night, to wake up to in the morning. To love.

(Prim's POV)

~One month later~

The train is luxurious, seriously luxurious. I turn to Peeta and ask, "Is this what it was like on the way to the Capitol?" He laughs a little but I can see that his eyes have become guarded. He shakes his head and laughs, "It was more luxurious."

"Seriously?" I gasp, surprised how anything could get any more pretty and beautiful.

"Of course, they were crystal chandeliers and everything," he says and we both peer at the very ordinary light bulbs with an ornate shade.

Rory, Peeta and I board the train with Michael, Ava and Serena. This will be their first holiday. Rory gasps too when he sees the train, in much the same way as I had. Peeta looks down on us as if we are so young and naïve. How could we possibly know?

We are going to the Capitol. They have built a museum centred around the 74th and 75th hunger games, it has a memorial for Katniss. All of us have been invited as honoured guests, Haymitch and Effie flew out of district twelve last night. We are treating it as a holiday but it means so much more. It's a tribute to my sister and Peeta, who lost much more than they had gained. Who gave up everything for everyboyd's freedom.

Michael is off like a shot the second the door shut. I laugh. The twins try to crawl after him but the carpet is too rough for their hands so they give up and start rolling about a ball that I put down on the floor for them. I leave Rory to watch them while I go check out our room. It's so beautiful. A big king-size bed with velvet covers. Two rocking chairs, a dresser that programmes your clothes for you, food that appears at the touch of a button. A shower that has a full control panel of options. There is a chair in the corner that has a built-in massage function. It sit there for half an hour, letting the function un-knot the muscles in my back.

There are a number of attendants on the train but I dismiss them when they try to help me. I feel uncomfortable letting somebody else help me, I'm used to doing things by myself. However, when I come back after dinner I see that they have unpacked my clothes for me and have laid out my nightwear. I make a mental note to thank them when I get the chance.

I fall asleep that night, my back pressed against Rory, lulled to sleep by the steady rhythm of train wheels on tracks.

* * *

Rory and I are standing at the window, looking at the vast expanse of land before us. We will be at the Capitol tomorrow morning, the place where you are not a person, you are news, gossip. But looking at the land before us makes me feel a thousand miles away from the Capitol, away from everything. Away from the place that has claimed so many lives.

"What's it like?" I ask, because Rory has been to the Capitol once before.

"It's.. magical. The people are strange but you get over that. Everything has the glint of sunshine and makes you want to sing and dance. It's a place you can't imagine that there was an evil ruler, that they condoned the hunger games. You wish that the whole world was like the Capitol. A place where dreams come true." He says slowly, not facing me.

"Oh," I say because that's all there is to say.

"What do you want Prim?" he then asks, turning towards me, the sunset illuminating his face. I look out the window, watching the last golden rays of sunlight chase each other across the land.

"A happy life. Where you don't need to worry and we can all be together, where there's no more pain or death. A happy life." I say finally.

But Rory is ever the voice of doubt, "Good isn't always possible," he whispers. I look back into the sunset, seeing in it what we have gained and what we have lost. What is worth nothing and what can never be replaced.

"Yeah," I say, "I know."

**That was the last chapter and the next thing I put up is the epilogue. I hope you all enjoyed this story and I know this chapter wasn't that good but hey-ho, I'm looking forward to writing the epilogue. Bye!**


	32. The Epilogue

**Epilogue. **

My darling girls.

One day I'll tell you. I'll tell you about the horrific nightmares that still haunt my sleep, that make me dread the coming of the moon. I'll explain to you what the statue is for that sits in the meadow, the one of the young woman, cast in gold with words you are not yet able to understand inscribed in the metal. I'll tell you why your cousin Emma has the middle name Katniss, and where Michael's mummy has gone. I'll tell you everything.

Some days are harder than others. Some days I can barely get out of bed but then I do, because you are old enough to remember now, remember things that you see. So I get up, for you. Some days I take pleasure in the simplest of things: all of you children playing together, Haymitch and Effie looking at the world but only seeing each other, one of my patients recovering. It's these things which I treasure, that I take pictures of as if my mind were a camera. Other days I feel ordinary, just plain old me. Those are the days that I enjoy the most.

If you ask Michael, "What words can you remember your mummy telling you?" he will say, "Never trust. Don't let your guard down. I don't want you to get hurt,, I could never stand to see you in pain. I want you to have a better life than me. I want you to be able to be free. I love you, forever and always." It's amazing that he can remember those words, he was just over a year old when she … went away. It's one of his only memories of her, to him she is a distant memory, one that's painful but also wraps around you like a blanket, keeps you safe.

The other day your uncle Peeta got a letter from the school. It was asking if the school had Peeta's permission to educate Michael about the Hunger Games. The topic would focus mainly on the 74th and 75th Hunger games with the rebellion being featured at the end. Apparently Peeta was the only one to receive this letter, because he was directly involved, he got to choose whether he would rather Michael learn about it at home, or school. That wasn't the problem, the issue was that nobody had asked Peeta if they could use his story. Nobody had asked if he minded children seeing footage from his painful past. Nobody asked. I didn't receive a letter for you two, but then again you will not cover the topic this year. This time next year though, you will know everything.

There is only one person you come to for information like that, me. You do not ask Peeta or Effie or Haymitch or your Dad. It will stir up emotions that people have tried to bury for eighteen years, your father doesn't know anything about that games, neither does Gale or your Grandma. You only come to me.

There is a far off place called the Capitol, the place that is considered a good holiday destination. But when I was younger it was a place of terror, where every year twenty-four people would go and only one would come back. One year though, two came back. That is why you live the life you do today, because those two people came back.

I remember when you were small Serena, you wrapped your arms around your waist and said, "I know you're not scared of anything mummy." I'd hugged you back and told you to go and play but your words have stuck with me. You have no idea what I'm scared of. I'm scared of losing you, all of you. I'm scared of the nightmares, I'm scared of the unknown. We would be here all day if I listed all the fears.

Maybe Katniss was right, maybe you shouldn't get close to something you can't walk away from when you have to. But then I would have missed all the moments, when your sister Bethany spoke her first words. Or when you're brother, Noah, had his second birthday last week. I would have missed When Ava got her kidney infection or Serena broke her arm. I would have missed all of that.

Emma is nine years old now, Michael eleven, Bethany is four and Noah is two. Your other cousin, Mari, is six and obviously takes after her mother with her love for shoes and make-up. Emma is very quiet and shy, doesn't trust easily but is a real beauty and is kind. Michael is handsome and smart but tends to wake up in the middle of the night crying for his mother, he knows the simple story but not who she was or what she did. Bethany is a very giggly person who loves running around and pretending to be somebody she's not. Noah, very much like his sister and adores her but also both of you. And at last I come to my two girls, Ava and Serena. You, Ava, are so artistic and a great singer but rarely do it, your hair is blonde with your grey eyes that I see somebody else in. Serena, you are so loud and love acting, your brown hair and sea-green eyes remind me of somebody I used to know.

They say that time is meant to heal all wounds, but mine are as sore and fresh as they were when they were inflicted ten years ago today. Because of the straightjacket or worry I inherited that day. The pain will never go away and I will never let go of her, but I have let go of the bad memories tied to her. I no longer associate her with the pain. I know she wasn't perfect, I don't believe she was a saint, but you don't love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact they're not.

You've never known your aunt, you never will. But she was a second mother to me, she cared for me when no-one else would, she did something radical to save me. There is a lone picture of us on the wall in the living room. Black and white canvas with the two of us standing together eighteen years ago, when i was thirteen. The tall young women with the dark hair and skin, the face that is completely void of laughter lines but full of pain, well, that's my , when you hear your dad and I arguing, I'll shout at him, "I wish it was her!" and we end up falling into each other's arms because of those five words. Those words that make us forget about our argument and we comfort each other because we're both feeling guilty.

One day I'll tell you about the choice that I had to make, and how it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. One day I'll tell you that you have lost so much in your ten years but you can't miss what you have never had. One day I'll tell you everything. Until then, enjoy your childhood because you never know when you will have to grow up.

Happy birthday my darling girls.

All my love

Your mother Prim xxx

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**That's this story finished, gone, done, vamooshed. Please check out the one-shot that i've just put up and watch out for another one-shot that i will put up later in the week that has nothing to do with the hunger games but i really want to wrie it ! Hope you enjoyed this story and i'm going to change my username so here's the the new one 'Never give up hope 2' just so you know. Bye :) **


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